tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post8783264013897033028..comments2023-08-06T04:09:45.468-07:00Comments on ...and hijinks ensued.: The Audacity of HopePrincess Pointfulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10911296163218358167noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-36201250594489032412009-04-12T19:36:00.000-07:002009-04-12T19:36:00.000-07:00Hi! I LISTENED to the audio version of "He's Just ...Hi! I LISTENED to the audio version of "He's Just Not That Into You", never read the book. Maybe it was the emphasis and inflection in the authors' speech, but I don't think I would have been convinced with a text version.<BR/><BR/>I was surprised at how much my perspective changed based on what they said - I don't think they place all the world's situations and relationships into neat categories, but rather those are just examples. I think their overall message is correct - that if there's any significant (i.e. noticeable!) amount of ambiguity in terms of him showing interest in you, then it is not a worthwhile situation to pursue. Definitely there are exceptions (and sometimes you don't know it's an exception until he suddenly turns around and acts awesomely in your favour), but the idea of preserving your dignity and sanity rather than risking it at only a hint of interest - that's a good plan, in my opinion. :)Mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-66628354172687935592009-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:002009-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00Never read it (them), never plan on it. Just doesn...Never read it (them), never plan on it. Just doesn't strike me as enjoyable reading.<BR/><BR/>I've been around the block to know that there isn't an easy answer, but while life doesn't need to be complicated, it's rarely simple.<BR/><BR/>Besides, I can tell when a guy isn't into me, I need help figuring out when they ARE into me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-33444579508951422892009-04-06T18:52:00.000-07:002009-04-06T18:52:00.000-07:00Greg Behrendt, the co author of "Just Not That", i...Greg Behrendt, the co author of "Just Not That", is a terribly funny standup comic. I haven't read the book, though-my being married kind of cuts down on the dating. <BR/><BR/>I think there is more in common between men than there are differences between cultures. <BR/><BR/>I, too, had a very rigorous collegiate courseload-so I suffered through the same ritual. "What are you doing tonight?" "Studying." "What about tomorrow?" "Studying." <BR/><BR/>The problem I have with self help books of all sorts is the certainty with which they present their theses-"If you do x, then y will happen." They never answer what you do if you get q. <BR/><BR/>By the by-NPR here in the states had an interesting story about new revelations relating to the famous Kitty Genovese case-read more at www.onthemedia.org.8https://www.blogger.com/profile/00897636875216996092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-36813940496376931572009-04-05T19:00:00.000-07:002009-04-05T19:00:00.000-07:00i thought he's just not that into you was stupid. ...i thought he's just not that into you was stupid. the movie was pretty cool, but i'm not on board with the concept much. great post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-36714413896384013032009-04-05T18:17:00.000-07:002009-04-05T18:17:00.000-07:00Agreed. People are different - it's impossible to ...Agreed. People are different - it's impossible to pool them all together into one specific category. I've read some books and while it's interesting, I could never be that girl. <BR/><BR/>It's like Gigi said at the end of "He's Just Not That Into You" movie...she may get hurt and be vulnerable and act crazy sometimes, but at least she's living and she cares. She's herself and she believes that will bring her to where she needs to be.<BR/><BR/>And I think she's right.Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575428806587300801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-61547895714829290952009-04-05T14:20:00.000-07:002009-04-05T14:20:00.000-07:00I read The Rules ten years ago and thought, yes, s...I read The Rules ten years ago and thought, yes, some of it makes sense and then promptly forgot it all and certainly did not follow them.<BR/>Then a few months ago I went to a talk by the authors in London and what they said really hit home. They had legitimate answers for all the scenarios and questions the audience threw at them.<BR/>I look back on my relationships and wish I had used the Rules because many of them simply weren't meant to be and I was guilty of prolonging them by initiating contact. I wish I had left well alone.<BR/><BR/>That's about one book anyway. Self help books are fun to read and you can generally take a few useful gems away from even the most rubbish books.Babycakeshttp://littlegirllostinlondon2.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-76610343214491076102009-04-05T11:28:00.000-07:002009-04-05T11:28:00.000-07:00Self-help books exploit emotions in titles and thr...Self-help books exploit emotions in titles and throughout the text to form an addiction.The Serial Monogamisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07054927359008400550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-56007674404907057842009-04-03T20:26:00.000-07:002009-04-03T20:26:00.000-07:00My apologies. That should have read "free market ...My apologies. That should have read "free market concept of dating."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-13872760385016848512009-04-03T20:23:00.000-07:002009-04-03T20:23:00.000-07:00I have read each of those books. I am also an acad...I have read each of those books. I am also an academic. And I'm a Black woman who grew up poor and still has strong links to the community from which I came.<BR/><BR/>So, while I like the idea of "he should work to prove to me that I should give him the time of day" idea...It butts up rather uncomfortably with the reality that -- more than any other group of people in America -- Black women die alone. These books offer no guidance whatsoever on the culturally-determined issues that are crucial to Black dating. And, well, if we want to examine all of this on the more ontological level, I think it's plain to see that these books model their dating approaches after a free concept. Gross. I'm supposed to engage my love life like an economic philosophy I find repugnant and inherently unjust?<BR/><BR/>I try to blog in a way that is helpful to other sistas who are searching for love, but I would be a fool to try to generalize to the population at large. But then again, we are always in a position where we are forced to recognize the particularity of our experience. White, middle class Americans are perfectly capable of regarding their own experiences as universal without a second thought. *Sigh*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-56981283534523098022009-04-03T17:49:00.000-07:002009-04-03T17:49:00.000-07:00I kind of like self help books but I do take them ...I kind of like self help books but I do take them with a grain of salt as well. Although there are a few women I know whom I want to beat over the head with the book, "he's just not that into you." Some women seriously try WAY too hard to get a man, or spend hours overanalyzing everything that they say or do. If it's THAT hard, it probably isn't worth it, but sometimes women do not want to hear the most obvious of advice.Tonyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01618173853004051479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-60754280311837946342009-04-03T13:39:00.000-07:002009-04-03T13:39:00.000-07:00When I was in my late 20s, (now I'm 41) I had a bo...When I was in my late 20s, (now I'm 41) I had a bookshelf full of self help books. I also had a goal that my life would be good enough one day that my bookshelf would not have any self-help books. <BR/><BR/>While that is not 100% true it mostly is - life is good and I am happy with my life, today it is enough. However, those books gave me hope that it would one day be so. I am not saying any one of the books I had on my shelf helped me arrive where I am today, but they were certainly guideposts along my adventure.<BR/><BR/>To me self-help books are a short sweet packet of hope - and doesn't everyone need that?megsadventurehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15835201241464681722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-72081639357105304712009-04-03T11:37:00.000-07:002009-04-03T11:37:00.000-07:00you said it best: "Perhaps, I choose to ignore th...you said it best: "Perhaps, I choose to ignore them because I am stubborn and proud. Because, why the hell should he not be into me?”<BR/><BR/>i've read those books but don't follow them like gospel. however, i do try to follow the main premis of the book and not put up with CRAP from guys! instead of saying he's just not that into me, i say i deserve better :)Michelle and the Cityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02376890270664282390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-69887306424888644002009-04-03T10:07:00.000-07:002009-04-03T10:07:00.000-07:00I feel like alot of those books are common sense. ...I feel like alot of those books are common sense. If I guy really likes you he'll show it. But, I suppose for alot of the girls out there they need to be told that. I don't like how they treat every relationships is the same there's no rules when two people are compatible it just works I feel.golubloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03004360644140307670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-74625891935116210372009-04-03T09:03:00.000-07:002009-04-03T09:03:00.000-07:00Hi hope! I loved he's just not that intoyou,it cha...Hi hope! I loved he's just not that intoyou,it chanded my perspective in a really good way. I was brutal with it fora bitbutultimately seeing things the way he put them made me up my standards.Chelsea Talks Smackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17998747129805795801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-87048708168870184752009-04-03T08:55:00.000-07:002009-04-03T08:55:00.000-07:00I have not read them, but to be totally honest, I ...I have not read them, but to be totally honest, I cannot conceive of an attitude so prevalent where women throw themselves at men no matter how crappy they are treated. No woman with her head screwed on straight would believe that, so most "self help" books just probably would not help me in the least. Just saying. They always help those who cannot examine their own lives, and that's my real opinion of self help.KAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03090582170365523716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-81305485623861040662009-04-03T08:34:00.000-07:002009-04-03T08:34:00.000-07:00Erghhh, I've read a few of them, but I had issues ...Erghhh, I've read a few of them, but I had issues with "he's just not that into you". Yes. I get the point of not wasting your time on someone that is not in the right head space to be in a relationship at the time, but it doesn't mean he's not into me. <BR/><BR/>Over simplistic, and the "Bitches" books are just simple game playing, and I don't play games.<BR/><BR/>Couldn't agree with you more.myselfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12342291703469735721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-64269935653545245562009-04-03T08:27:00.000-07:002009-04-03T08:27:00.000-07:00I had to read The Rules for one of my psychology c...I had to read The Rules for one of my psychology classes in college. How nuts is that?! Anyway, I thought it was generally horrible, except for one point it made: respect yourself, you deserve the best. <BR/><BR/>I tend to the feel the same way about all the other self-help books out there... He's Just Not That Into You? Bleeeech. Except for the point that you should (you guessed it) respect yourself because you rock.erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13744889496446027233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-89225580554310423232009-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:002009-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:00Great post Hope. Nope, haven't read any self-help...Great post Hope. <BR/><BR/>Nope, haven't read any self-help books. Sometimes I have to physically restrain myself from correcting people with actual psychology research findings when they quote from them.Psych Post Dochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02820776188567097127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-45322762675086031342009-04-03T07:46:00.000-07:002009-04-03T07:46:00.000-07:00I read He's Just Not That Into You. I was a fun an...I read He's Just Not That Into You. I was a fun and amusing read but I thought it to be overly simplistic--as if something as profound as love could be reduced to a mere set of rules. <BR/><BR/>I guess the only other self help type book I've read is Eat, Pray, Love, which I thought was terrific.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-77542677007574306372009-04-03T06:34:00.000-07:002009-04-03T06:34:00.000-07:00I've read "He's Just Not that Into You" - it was a...I've read "He's Just Not that Into You" - it was actually pretty logical. But meh. <BR/><BR/>Like you, I have the same background, and I want to know what their control group was and what the p value was after they analyzed the data. <BR/><BR/>I did enjoy the movie though. That was good fun :)Princess of the Universehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15795441683354185317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-34423653886279260322009-04-03T05:12:00.000-07:002009-04-03T05:12:00.000-07:00I couldn't agree with you more, particularly regar...I couldn't agree with you more, particularly regarding the fact that these book are all located within a specific social cultural context. I would add 'eat pray love' to this genre of books. the thing that annoys me about these books (ok two things) is how very prescriptive that they are - as if there is only one way to be single or to be in love, or to feel love, and two, that these authors without anything at all to commend them, tell us, so very definitively, the "answers" - all for a healthy profit. I can't help thinking that there is something inherently exploitative about the "self help" genre. Great post Hope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-29304510051678268202009-04-03T01:02:00.000-07:002009-04-03T01:02:00.000-07:00I haven't read The Rules but I'm always up for a l...I haven't read The Rules but I'm always up for a laugh. I think that's the next one that will go on the hidden shelf on my bookcase! ;)Eleni Zoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06192362492099520938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7246838997491107294.post-25601809114625874472009-04-03T00:06:00.000-07:002009-04-03T00:06:00.000-07:00I don't really "get" self-help books myself. Mainl...I don't really "get" self-help books myself. Mainly because I can't take the advice in them seriously. The only one I have that's remotely "self-help-like" (although I doubt that's a word) is "The Rules" and I like that mainly as something to laugh at!<BR/><BR/>Great post though. :)Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04425977546505490830noreply@blogger.com