No rest for the wicked (or anyone else)
I hate the fact that my only available coping device is throwing myself into work.
I want to curl up on my couch and cry. I want to go back and read her emails and remember. I want to allow myself to grieve, rather than feel pressured to distract myself.
But, as always, real life disagrees.
It feels like the last year has thrown a lot of crises at me that I've had no choice but to just work through. All are big enough to keep me up at night crying, but none are deemed big enough that I am allowed to escape for more than the day they happen.
I know it's all supposed to make me stronger, and I know it does and it will. But aren't I allowed to be weak for a little while?
***
Thank you for all your concern and support. I will be okay, I promise :).
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5 comments:
It's hard to go on, but at least you're using this forum to get it out there and not keeping it in. I hope that the sadness passes quickly and you feel better in time.
You are entitled to grieve, to have your time of mourning - and it doesn't make you "weak."
Somehow, give yourself that time (although I know "real life"
interferes).
And, yes, you will be "okay." It just takes time - and it's so hard to do.
There's no manual on this sort of thing, right?
Do what you feel like.
It's the only way through.
Thanks everyone.
I like you a lot better than a lot of real life people at the moment :).
Truth be told, I haven't even had the opportunity to tell anyone who evaluates me about what is going on... they don't seem to notice anything is wrong, so I feel dirty pulling out the sympathy card.
I am trying to dodge a few responsibilities this weekend, though... fingers crossed!
It's what happens. You've dealt with it well.
That's all one can ask.
And yes, you are allowed to be week once in a while. God knows there's plenty of times when I show weakness at crushing news, or sometimes, not even that much.
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