A few thoughts on jealousy

Today a friend of mine was telling me about his T.A. evaluation forms. As a general rule, if you are remotely attractive, you will get at least one comment completely irrelevant to your teaching skills about your appearance (I guess that's what happens when you give undergrads the powers of anonymity). My personal favourite that I have received was "Strength: Hot. Weakness: Not enough information presented" (come on- couldn't you have given me an equally shallow weakness, like saying you hated my shoes?)

Anyways, my friend apparently (and comically) received a comment about a student's fondness for his pecs. Shockingly, his girlfriend (who is notorious for his controlling ways-- my friends and I are in her bad books for keeping a 27 year old man out past midnight) did not find this amusing or flattering. She was actually jealous, and told him that he was going to have to start wearing more to class. What... like twelve layers so that the outline of his chest is suitably shadowed?

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Evolutionary psychologists argue that jealousy is evolutionary advantageous, in that it serves to prevent the negative effects of infidelity and partner loss on our reproductive success. However, I am generally of the mind that jealousy is one of the more wasteful emotions. It has the capacity to sap our thoughts and emotions dry, and in its extreme forms, probably is more successful in driving people towards the very things it supposedly evolved to prevent.

Overall, I'm a believer in trust, perhaps in part because I know my partners have good reason to trust me. This is not to say that it hasn't bitten me in the past, but I have been pretty lucky. Besides, really, would jealousy have prevented any past betrayals or infidelities? Is someone who is bent on cheating going to be swayed by their partner's irritation or accusations?

While I do recognize a few twinges as relatively natural (my ex's ex-girlfriend, who he remained friends with, was actually in a rap video in her bikini... I grated my teeth really hard when he wanted to record the video), I don't react well to it being thrown about my way in any excessive form. Perhaps it is because I know I am trustworthy-- but I actually get very defiant if any accusations come my way. Even worse is the patronizing jealousy, such as past boyfriends suggesting that they have the right to be jealous because I am so naive as to my male friends lecherous intentions.

It just seems weird that we live in a culture where possessiveness is a greater sign of love than trust.

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And a lesson of the day, thrown in for good measures: Jealousy even has its own paraphilia (aka. fetish)-- zelophilia!