With a little reflection...
... posts like the one below seem a little self-indulgent and ridiculous.
Although maybe it is the power of catharsis and getting the thoughts out in the open that renders them powerless.
I'm going to honour my feelings at the time and leave the post up, despite my urge to erase such ridiculousness as quickly as possible.
Giving myself a little perpective, a lack of challenging work and sunshine are hardly the case for serious despair.
So I'm going to have lunch, and write a fantastic last few pages of my manuscript-- and remind myself that I actually think this piece has something important to say.
Extra bonus-- the giant spider stalking my doorstep has met his demise, though no fault of my own.
I kept my promise to do him no harm-- actual a tremendous step for me-- but that doesn't mean I am disappointed that my landlord decided to hose down and tidy my front stoop, resulting in a disappearance of all signs of him.
It will be nice to come home late at night and not do the frantic "don't think of the massive noctural spider a foot to the right of you" while fumbling for keys.
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10 comments:
You should definitely keep it in. That's part of what blogging is about.
I never went to grad school, but The Wife, The Sister-in-Law and many others to whom I'm close did, and they all have similar issues -- my SIL has been in grad school for, dang, eight years or something ridiculous like that. Anyway, I guess it's just part of the territory.
Hang in there, though. You'll be glad when it's over ...
Most of my posts are somewhat self-indulgent. I guess it depends on the goal of your blog, but I like reading about how other graduate students are feeling about their program/progress.
I remember one time I was staying at my brother's. He warned me, that I shouldn't go into his kitchen. I am also very afraid of spiders and he decided to allow a spider live in his kitchen, building its web between his dishes in the dishrack and his cupboard. Totally gross.
Spiders mean money - don't kill it, and God will reward you. Financially, apparently... :)
At least you made it through the beginning of my poem! And at least you didn't seek the spider's death. You have compassion, even for that which you loathe.
"Noooo don't kill Spidey, he's my special friend"
Guess the movie! :)
Whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right?
(Obviously Im not adding such a cliche as an attempt to cheer up your previous posts mood (well only a bit). Im on about the spider- that hose wont have killed him you know, just made him stronger. And angry....)
I try not to kill bugs by hand too, but there are times where it just becomes too much and I have to lay down the fly swatter of vengeance!
well, the lack of sun has serious effect on mood, so it may indeed be something to consider. but then as steve forbert said 'if you analyze everything into a node, your mind gets so wired your head will explode, now your eyes are so watered you hardly can talk, get out in the daylight and go for a walk.' or something like that.
Weather has a massive affect on my mood - but recognising it as such tends to get me through: "I feel shit just now, mainly because it's raining. So just keep plugging away until the sun comes out again."
Blogs naturally revolve around ourselves, so absolutely keep the post in.
For the record, I was really surprised that you suffer (or suffered) from depression. Does your own professional training help you with it at all?
Dorky Dad- Thanks. I think it is part of the territory-- but in the midst of it, it can be hard to recognize that!
Psychgrad- I'm glad that you like hearing about this kind of stuff- I do, too, but I usually get more responses stuff that is less about my personal stuff (although everyone has been pretty fantastic about it this time).
Heart- Uh-oh. I'm in for some pretty serious debt.
Eric- I did feel for that poor little junebug, though.
Crash- The Hulk? ;)
Smartbuddy- Thanks for the reassurance. Soggy angry spiders really help me feel better. ;)
Lmizzle- And the spider squashing boot of delight! (kidding!)
Benji- It's weird-- I don't get depressed in the winter or anything-- I think it's more now because I expect sunshine. But, yes, I have a pretty big overanalyzing tendency... if you didn't notice.
Ant- Suffered :). I had a reasonably serious bout as a teenager (not just teenage angst, I assure you). I consider myself recovered, and it is a secret that few people guess, but the fact that it did happen can play tricks on your mind some days (e.g., being more scared of a completely normal down day). It can help to use the skills I teach to others, for sure, on those days.
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