Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Confession time!

A number of my delightful bloggie girlfriends have been writing extremely poignant posts in which they confess a number of secrets, from the silly to the profound. I decided it was my turn (such a copycat, I know! Me-ow!)

- It bothers me to a ridiculous extent having the knowledge that someone doesn't like me. I don't care if I know I'm in the right in a particular situation- I will have to fight back the urge to apologize because I hate the idea that someone out there is mad at me.

- I hate the fact that I don't like beer because I worry it makes me look too high maintenance, when really I just think it tastes gross.

- I've never cheated on a boyfriend, but I still feel guilty that I began falling for the Duke as my last relationship was ending.

- I stick my hands in the pickle jar rather than using a fork.

- I get really frustrated my mom's insistence on supporting my sister unconditionally no matter how bad of decisions she is making. I know Mom just wants her to know that she loves her no matter what happens- but that doesn't mean you need to pretend you're happy she's dating a guy who is eons years older than her or that she is being irresponsible with money again.

- I feel guilty for even writing that since I love my sister and mom so much.

- I hate that, no matter how healthy I eat, it feels like every extra calorie sneaks into my stomach. I want desperately to have my effortless flat stomach of my 18 year old self.

- It worries me that I don't spend more time thinking about my relationship with the Ex. I know I should be happy that things ended when they were supposed to, as shown by the few regrets, but I'm a little apprehensive that I didn't grieve more about ending a six year relationship, especially because it wasn't trivial to me at the time.

- I am tired of being a student. I'm tired of people without a degree telling me it is all worth it in the end when they've never been through so much damn school. I'm tired of people not realizing how much damn work my program is, especially because it encompasses both research and practical training, while most graduate programs only do one.

- Since my tastes in music tend to be outside of the mainstream, I feel as though I have to hide it when I download a Beyonce or Justin Timberlake song.

- I like sex. A whole lot. Sometimes I worry that I like it too much for a girl.
(I feel like I need to qualify that I'm a liking sex within a relationship kind of girl- one who looks really sweet and innocent until I snare you into a relationship with me and then mercilessly have my way with you! *evil cackle*)

- While the main reason I don't have a car is because I can't afford it, it has been so long since I've driven that I am petrified of driving in the city.

- I puked on my bedroom floor on my 19th birthday after a very ill-advised extra martini.

- I have an old friend from high school who went through some serious therapy and self-discovery in her early 20s. The problem? I don't have a lot of fun with the new her. Our interactions feel insanely one-sided, and she has lost a lot of friends as a result. However, she has been through so much in the past that I feel I have to stick by her, as she feels she is getting healthier.

21 comments:

Mim said...

Man, I really need to do this. The problem is that it would take me forever to think of so many. I guess I should start working on one and keep building it up until I get one of appropriate length.

captain corky said...

I was going to quit reading your blog forever when you told me that you hate beer, but you made up for it by admitting how much you like sex. See you tomorrow B.B.B (Bestest Blog Buddy. ;)

Ant said...

Phwoar.

This post is all shades of different now that I've met you! :-)

The Lisa Show said...

I can drink beer like a trucker, but only after a shot of vodka. Heh. I can drink most men under the table.

I used to feel shame over the fact that I listen to Ashlee Simpson when I work out. Hmm. Okay, I still do.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Good heavens woman, I wouldn't worry about having a voracious sexual appetite.

It's everything else you should be bothered about.

Ho ho!

Beth said...

Great (revealing) post!
Sometimes I wish I could reveal more but my blog isn't anonymous.

But I can say this - I too hate the thought of anyone being mad at me or the possibility that I somehow hurt someone's feelings. And this tendency drives me crazy.

Princess of the Universe said...

1 & 2 are absolutely me.

cdp said...

Sigh. I totally lurve you. I have a girl crush on you. So there's my confession for the day!

I have cheated. Wanna know something else? I'm kinda over it!

I stick my hands in the pickle jar but then I get bothered by the fact that it makes my fingers sticky.

I get really frustrated when people don't support me even though they know I'm making bad decisions. For some reasons I feel as though the hell that has been my life for the last five years justifies a little leeway. The very idea of this flies in the face of pretty much everything I like to think I stand for. It causes me to dislike myself sometimes.

I hate that I eat a lot of awful food like I always have but the closer I get to 30, the more vehemently fat clings to my lower back and hips. It's truly a disgusting place to have fat. Yuck.

Like Lisa, I can drink most men under the table. It's okay to not like beer. We like hard liquor, what can we say? Makes us manly if you ask me.

Student? Tired? Ditto.

I outed myself for being in love with JT some months ago on my blog, was validated by a male reader who I consider to have great taste in music, and now I'm okay with it.

And since I've basically taken over your blog, I'll go ahead and stop now.

Oh but one more confession? It pisses me off that law school is a doctorate program but we never get called doctors. Instead, no one likes us. Especially doctors.

PP, I heart you. You rock hard. Rock on.

All Mod Cons said...

If it's just YOUR pickle jar, then it's fine. But if you share it, please please pleeeeease use a fork!!

Michelle said...

i completely agree with 1 and 2. beer is just gross and i'm afraid guys won't buy me a drinks bc they're like you want a sex on the beach! that's like $6 and i don't like you THAT much.

also you're not weird for liking sex that much. TRUST ME.

Sheila said...

I love your quirky confessions! I could have easily wrote the first, second and seventh ones!

Yoda said...

Hey yo! I survived grad school, and so can you! I know EXACTLY what you mean by the combination of research and practical training. I was in a group that produced some real software (which people actually use on very very big computers) and also doing research on the same topic. It was like whatever I found in my research, I had to package it up for people to use! Ugh. I hated doing two things at the same time ... but trust me, when times comes to graduate, you'll feel as though you've been prepared for the outside world!

I like all forms of alcohol! You probably can tell ;-)

Yoda said...

And don't even mention the thing about extra calories. I just got back from the gym, and realized that I am totally out of food. Also energy, b'coz of 20 mins on the treadmill @ 8 MPH.

I'm gorging on PB&J and a gallon of icecream! Why do I go to the gym anyways???

Airam said...

I don't think about it if people have a problem with me. It used to bother me a lot and I used to feel the need to be liked by everyone but now I truly don't care. I've got my friends who I care a lot about and who I know care about me and that's good enough.

Ashley said...

OK hi, are we the same person? because um I can relate to every. single. one of those. HATE the taste of beer, hate when people dont' like me, agree with the sex love and i always stick my hand in the pickle jar. Oh and I am so fing sick of being a student. SOOOOOO sick.

i love these little confessionals...decided i'm going to have one every friday of every week. Haha this should prove interesting. I'll be pulling confessions out of my ass at some point.

Dorky Dad said...

WHAT? You put your hand in the pickle jar??? What kind of human being are you???

I'm kidding.

And as for the beer thing, I see no problem with not liking beer. Beer tastes disgusting ... until you've had about 100 cans. Then your taste buds make it taste like chocolate candy.

eric1313 said...

I hate beer, too!

And I seriously dislike people calling my Long Island Ice Teas a "woman's drink".

They have no idea how close they come to having seven different types of liquor with a splash of coke for color being dumped in their face. But it stick with reminding them that they must be married to a guy because their girlfriends usually drink beer.

Somebody already got to the voracious sexual appetite thing?

Of course they did, that's just due diligence.

Nothing wrong with having a steady pulse where it counts the most.

The only thing you have to feel guilty about is feeling guilty!

Other than that, have a great night.

Hope said...

I hate the taste of beer AND wine. Go figure. But, I do love my vodka.

I completely feel you on the PHD. You are my idol because after 6 years studying Psychology, I gave up. I could handle the research but not the training. And you're doing both?

Again, you are my idol. I bow down to you.

Okami said...

I knew I wasn't the only person who aligns with number eleven!

Lovely!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Well, my dirty little secrets are a lot worse, so I wouldn't worry.

Confessions of a Good Girl, really!

QueenBee said...

I heart you. Is that wrong? No! Because you're very heartable. And also, you're pretty damn cool.

Want my confession? Every time I go to your blog, it makes me want some strawberries. Usually in the form of cake, because I <3 cake.