Monday, December 17, 2007

Of flakes, party dresses, and torn paper bags

Let's start this off with a little chastising...

*Princess hangs her head in shame*

I know I'm not being a very good blogger girl. Turns out that the end of the semester means a rapid resurgence of every other element of my life, including the fun (yay for social life!) and not-so-fun (boo for mountains of laundry), with tomorrow being written off for frantic Christmas shopping before I fly back home on Wednesday.

But, look:


Who is that sexy birthday-ed bitch, with such stellar facial tone?
(I decided to give into the party dress picture requests.)

And now a little secret...
I may have slept in that dress on Friday night.

So, yeah, my birthday celebrations ended up being a little entertaining.
My friend J and I started off our joint birthday celebrations by... wait for it... 5-pin bowling.
Because who doesn't want these shoes?
Or to drink at a bowling alley bar?
Or to watch me bust out the classy between the legs moves bowling moves?
Or to observe friends taking creative pictures with bowling balls as breasts?

After that, a group of us made out way to some ridiculous mini-club. Of course, they made us wait in line outside, despite the fact that the place was half-empty. 
Then, we had to wait in line inside, too. J managed to pull the "birthday girl" card... but they would only let the girls past the omnipresent velvet rope right away, so S and I staged a protest to get our boyfriends in (Gee, thanks, bouncers, because to celebrate my birthday I would love to leave my boyfriend behind).
Then the bouncer told J I could get in free because it was my birthday, only to chase down the Duke two minutes later to make him pay for me (#1- Dude, don't tell my boyfriend to pay for me. Tell me. #2- You're not going to get into J's pants like that.)
Then the coat check girl told us that there was no more room for our coats (at 10pm!), so we would have to haul around our umbrellas and winter jackets. (Thankfully, this was overturned)

At this point, I was a pretty frustrated Princess, with this ridiculous treatment on top of the flake factor (which I will get into later). But apparently no one likes a sour birthday girl, and there is no better way to cheer one up than shots... Jagermeister and otherwise. An hour later, I was dancing up a storm and posing for approximately 20 million candid shots with my girl friends.

A few hours later, I had been delivered to my front door, and fell into bed, only managing to take off my tights.

I woke up the next morning, and wanted to die.
We're talking the most rancid hangover on the planet, with water being a struggle to hold down, walking being difficult, and reading hurting too much. 

I'm getting old, folks. 

***

Speaking of getting older...
Is it just me, or are 20-somethings the biggest flakes on the planet?

Because it seems to me that convincing anyone to commit to an event in the future is becoming more and more like pulling teeth. 

Sure, part of it is that we all lead busy lives, and everyone has their own individual excuse that is justifiable in its own context-- but the pattern is becoming pretty damn uncanny.

For instance, I had three people drop out of my birthday party the hour before it was set to begin.
Even worse, I went to a friend's planned boardgames and wine (well, not for me) night last night. It was supposed to be a small get together of around 7-8 people-- and then no one showed up besides me.
Since when is it acceptable to cancel something you said you were going to attend 2 weeks prior because your dad needs the car to go shopping?
And, fyi, just because Facebook has a "might attend" option doesn't mean that it is a polite thing to always select.

I just got to the point after planning this year of saying "Screw it, I'm going to this pub at this time, be there or don't". No follow-up phone calls and pretending to smile and nod at yet another excuse.

***

Sometimes being in the middle of the city is the loneliest place in the world.

On my way to the previously discussed boardgame night, as I hurry to catch a train, the bottom of the paper bag containing my game, some glass bottles of Vanilla Cream Soda (being that I had only managed to get out of bed around 3pm, I was not about to be consuming anything remotely alcoholic), and a large ziplock bag full of my now infamous Christmas cookies manage to fall out.
As such, the bottles smash to the floor in a rather dramatic fashion, with my other items strewn about.

Of course, with that telltale *crash*, everyone snaps out of their iPod induced bubble... and stares.
They don't help, as you struggle to gather up all your items.
They just stare.

Frustrated with their unhelping gazes, I dramatically toss the ruins of my paperbag into the trash can.
Only afterwards realizing that my bag of cookies was still embedded in the paperbag wreckage.

As I stomp towards a train, I look down, and realize that in the process I have cut somewhere on my left-hand, such that there is a fair amount of blood smeared on it. 

My arms are too full to investigate, so I get on the train, boardgame, pop, umbrella, purse all balanced in my arms, blood smeared on my hand-- and everyone rushes past me to grab a seat. I have to actually ask some woman perched on the outside of a double seat (the classic "I-am-too-good-to-have-anyone-sit-next-to-me-despite-the-fact-that-the-train-is-packed" type) to sit down. She makes me squirm past her rather than simply sliding over.

I set down my packages with a sigh, heart pounding because I have no idea whether I have cut myself badly or not. A cursory examination of my hand shows that I have apparently sliced off my cuticle and a chunk of skin below it-- nothing dire, but stings and is certainly, well, more bloody than I would like.

The perching-seat woman looks at me with disgust, and gets up to move to another recently vacated seat.

I almost start to cry. I call the Duke and gasp about how people in the city couldn't care less about me. I think about my small town, and how someone would chase someone down the street if they dropped a loonie, yet how a bleeding hand and an armful of packages wasn't enough to even get eye-contact here.

In a little blessing, the woman who had replaced perching-seat woman overheard my whispered complaints, and actually looked through her purse to find me a band-aid. 
It is nice to see that not everyone hides behind the anonymity mask.

***

I hate to leave this on a bitter note- so let's all smile at Christmas Dog!

35 comments:

Maxie said...

I hope you at least kept the bowling shoes... I've always wanted to steal a pair of those things.

Happy Birthday!

lspoon said...

Bowling on my birthday is what makes me feel young! I bowl every birthday!

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry so many things managed to go wrong.

Michelle said...

you are totally right on 20 somethings being flaky. i've had many friends cancel on me at the last minute. it's called common courtesy people!!

at least you got to go bowling for your birthday! those shoes are kick ass ;)

Jamie Lovely said...

totally the biggest flakes ever. i refuse to try to plan things for a group of people anymore, it usually leaves me wanting to rip out my hair!

happy birthday girlie!

Psychgrad said...

Facebook is the death of commitment. I planned a karaoke night and learned the hard way that "attending" means "don't hold your breathe", at best. "Maybe" means, "no way in hell". So annoying. So, like jamie lovely, I'm not planning anything anymore. I'll let someone else deal with the non-commital crap and make plans for a smaller get-together where people can't rely on social loafing/diffusion of responsibility to be flaky assholes.

Beth said...

Great dress - and I love your smile!
And, hey, I live in a big city but I would have helped you out - shared my seat, a band-aid, etc.
Happy to hear the birthday celebrations went (relatively) well - too bad about the brutal hangover.

Damsel in Digress said...

princess, i loved this line: (#1- Dude, don't tell my boyfriend to pay for me. Tell me.) happy belated birthday! you look beautiful in that party dress :)

that's awful that people just stared after your things crashed to the floor - you poor thing! you're so right that sometimes, in a big city, around so many millions of people, we can almost feel invisible. your trip home will hopefully be a nice break from it; i leave this friday to go back to my small hometown and i'm sure that after five days, i'll be ready to run barefoot back to chicago!

- damsel

Ant said...

Between the legs? Classy - for some reason puts me in mind of childbirth... :-)

Sounds like a blast! I over-indulged a couple of years ago in a similar fashion and I think it was the last time I barfed like the good ol' days of student-dom. Yep, all getting a bit older and wiser...

Christmas dog made me smile but where's his smile?

Miriam D said...

Your birthday sounds like so much fun!!

And I completely agree with you on the flakiness of 20 somethings. What's that all about? I mean, birthdays, you CANNOT miss. That's just rude. And small gatherings?? Don't say you'll go if you won't!

I've also had those awful public meltdowns before where I drop everything or desperately need help AND NO ONE WILL LOOK ME IN THE EYE. It makes me hate the world.

nicoleantoinette said...

Happy Birthday! Adorable party dress. And sleeping in it? is something we've allll done. The best is when I wear the makeup from the night before to work the next day. Yah, I'm pretty classy.

Ashley said...

Happy birthday!!! That dress is so friggin cute. I am stealing it k? And i'm amazed you took off your tights before going to bed. If anything i'd be way too lazy drunk to take those off haha.

You are completely right about 20somethings being flaky. I will make plans with friends but if other plans pop up i'll tell them that i have tentative plans but most likely those people will bail so be expecting me. Gah.

Yay for bowling though!! I love bowling, haven't been in a while. And i'm definately an in-between-the-legs kinda gal. High five!

distracted spunk said...

I'm happy that you had a fun birthday, but I emphathize that people suck at responding sometimes. Either way, yay for having a bandaid for your missing cuticle and for it being a new week!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Welcome to your late twenties.
It's not so bad.

I still party, anyway :)

Wendy said...

You look lovely in that dress and love the tights! It's good that you took it off before sleeping because they're the most uncomfortable thing to sleep in, ever. Believe me.

Lisa said...

It's the 28th here today. I made it in time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love that dress, and dude, you are HOT. And I'm not just saying that because it's your birthday. ;)

t.b.f.love. said...

Can I just say that I despise mean people/people who don't care? I try to treat people the way I'd like to be treated, and so I generally help someone who drops something, trips, or whatever...

I love the bowling in dresses; my friends & I would always go bowling after Homecoming & Turnabout - so we wore pretty dresses & those awesome bowling shoes.

Lisa said...

I hate when people flake out of plans. And yes that facebook feature only makes it worse!

And the bowling between the legs move? Classic

Jocelyn said...

You *know* it's Christmas in the city when someone gives you a bandaid.

Oh, and those hangovers? They're just going to keep getting worse.

If you choose to keep ageing, of course.

brookem said...

how cute are you?! love that dress SO much, and you're fabulous for going bowling in it and then sleeping in it.

sorry to hear about your little spill at the boardgame night. and your cut! ouch! im glad you finally got next to a nice person who helped you out.

Airam said...

Glad to hear you had a great birthday! Sorry to hear about your awful train ride. People can be assholes.

Yoda said...

Hey! that's a great burday! Any day which involves getting smash, dancing and taking 20 million snaps is gotta be good :-)

If you think that's bad, listen to this. A guy died on a LA train. His dead body went around and around in the train for THREE days before someone noticed that he was dead. Yea, its that bad out there.

I'm in love with your eyes and smile!

Yoda said...

And dude, are you right about 20 somethings being flaky.

I for one either decline or "Attend" on Facebook. Often I've found myself among the only 3 people who are planning to attend!

Dorky Dad said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You're wrong. 20-somethings aren't the flakiest of people. 30-somethings are.

libby said...

20something ARE flakes and its so annoying. which i why i hate it when things go wrong when i've made a commitment to be somewhere.

i love the dress with the shoes. that's HAWT. hahaha.

Sheila said...

The 20 somethings who flake become 30 somethings who flake and so on. It's sad. The kindness of strangers is few and far between - just enough for us to hold out hope for humanity.

Have a safe trip!

blogging said...

1. OMG, PUPPEH. ME LOVES.

2. M and I go bowling all the time; we love it...expecially drinking and bowling. you are not old you are FUN people.

3. Happy birthday m'dear. and those are some hottt shoes.

Queen Bee said...

Girl, I am soo with you on the whole craziness thing. I still haven't Christmas shopped! Uh oh!

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, say that I heart you muchly! And Yeah..have fun!

Eve said...

Yes, people are assholes. I get tired of people canceling too. Sometimes I am a canceler though, especially if there's some weird stuff going on with a friend, or if someone frequently flakes on me.

Also, isn't there something about people unwilling to lend a helping hand when they are in crowds? Like the Kitty Genovese murder?

Abbey said...

I love how you never like to leave us on a negative note. Not to keep in that vein, people suck - flakey and mean ones especially. I like to make sucky people salient to their own suckiness by stating something like "Are you serious? You're going to make me climb over you with all my stuff? Cause in case you didn't notice, I'm also bleeding. Thanks."

Abbey said...

p.s., in response to flakiness, I'm returning the favor to someone of not showing to my 30th birthday with not going to his going away party. I figure...um, he's going way. Buh bye. :)

mcgee said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! and i love the party dress. cute!

i completely agree with you about 20somethings being flakes. lately i've given up on planning anything officially because of how many people cancel at the last minute and not even bother to tell me. so it's just whoever shows up, shows up.

Rachel said...

Happy Birthday! Belated Birthday!

And all things considered, the dress is fabulous.

eric1313 said...

Jagermeister... Ahh yeah! You are indeed royalty in my book.

Your dress looks awesome, too, by the way.

And that mini club sounds so annoyingly, mirror-kissingly hip, I doubt I could make it through the door. In Detroit, the only time you ever wait in line at a club is if they are already double the fire code capacity. And the bouncer collecting your supposedly free cover charge from the Duke would be the extra cherry on top that would make the whole damn sundae slip over into the garbage. Makes you wonder if he was going to try and parlay his aren't-I-kool-I-got-you-in-for-free that's-how-it-is-with-me-ness" into a way to try and pick you up--until your boyfriend made his presence known. Then he would be damned if you were getting in free on his watch.

I could be all wrong...

The train ride sounds horrible. I always help people who drop things, at the very least, you might make a friend in the process. And yes, twenty somethings are total flakes--good thing I shucked that flakiness thing when I turned thirty. ;)

By the way, are thirty somethings aloud at the twenty somethings blog?

eric1313 said...

I mean, I won't spontaneously combust as soon as I log on the page, right?

Mrs4444 said...

Cute little guy...

Lots of reasons...no excuses.

Enjoy your holiday; I know you deserve it. :)