Sunday, April 20, 2008

Quote of the day and a shower of bullets

"If I won the lottery, I would hire David Attenborough to narrate my life for a day."

-The Duke

(Please, some of my fellow geeks, tell me you know who that is. Planet Earth is like the coolest documentary series EVER.)

***

My mind seems to be working in point form these days. My tendencies towards rumination aren't exactly my best hidden trait-- most of what is running through my mind these days is "How am I moving in a week? And how many boxes can this pedestrian wonder and transit queen reasonably carry from a store at once?" Unfortunately, while there are numerous sources of boxes to be scavenged in the city, my wee little arms can only haul so many at once, so I am still woefully under-boxed. 

For those inquiring minds, the Duke and I are moving in together (or taking the cohabitation plunge, as I dubbed it previously). We've found a lovely apartment in one of those three story walk-up buildings that looks like a box on the outside, and has horrendous purple carpeting in the hallways and stairwell, but is surprisingly fantastic in the suite. He is now seeing me in my full neurotic glory, as I query about how many bowls he has, and what we should name our future fish (we decided to go with classic theorists in our disciplines, meaning one will be named Sigmund).

Anyways, if you haven't figured out already, a moving Princess = very bad blogging Princess (it's science, dammit!). However, I am trying to pull out at least a few random thoughts, in an exceedingly stilted manner...
  • Best drinking game ever? Drinking every time a hockey announcer uses a double entendre to describe the ongoing game. For instance, today "squirting" was the descriptive term of choice whenever the puck was deflected, and the puck apparently "rimmed" the boards.
  • A friend of mine has a bit of a camping phobia. As such, in a move an exposure therapist would be proud of, she decided to prepare herself for an upcoming summer festival by setting up a tent in the middle of her living room. I arrived to find her and another friend drinking in the tent, with all her furniture piled in a corner, with the window open to simulate the cold, a lamp overhanging the tent to simulate the moon, and fake palm fronds on top to simulate cedar trees.
  • It's intriguing how archived text messages provide such an interesting snapshot of a person's life. As I was packing, I found my old cell phone, which had around 150 text messages stored from a year and a half ago. It was like a weird one-sided time capsule.
  • Frosty floats from Wendy's are nowhere near as delicious as you'd expect.
  • Am I one of the only women on the planet who is comfortable with my boyfriend having female friends? I'm beginning to get suspicious, as whenever I make coffee plans with a male friend (who I've known on very platonic terms for 6 years now), it seems like something comes up with his new wife that prevents our meeting. I still haven't determined if this is coincidence or deliberate-- but we have another scheduled meeting on Tuesday night, so I guess time will tell....

  • And disturbing pop culture news of the week? A new book entitled My Beautiful Mommy. Not beautiful on her own, mind you-- this book is intended to help children come to terms with their mother having plastic surgery. In some ways, I guess I can understand the need, as it has to be scary for a child to see their mother covered in bandages, yet not explicitly harmed. However, even more aversive than the simple fact that there is a sufficient need for such a book is the fact that it has a happy ending in which everyone celebrates because "Mommy is even more beautiful!" 
  • An excerpt: "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." (Ironically, Mommy appears to be wearing a crop top in even her hideous pre-surgery state.)
  • What they forgot to say: "Because there really is no other way to make me feel better about myself than Dr. Michael's solution. And you know mommy is too busy to exercise. At least it isn't like back in grandma's day, when you were stuck as ugly forever and ever!"

28 comments:

Psychgrad said...

Good luck with the move!

Love the tent desensitization. Very clever. Your friend may want to move to stage 2 eventually: sleeping in a tent on a harder surfaced floor with a jar of random bugs released in the vicinity. Since it's a summer festival, stage 3 may include someone simulating the sound of vomiting outside of the tent.

I heard about the book. More evidence of the downfall of society. The end is near.

rs27 said...

David Attenborough is a genious. Yes, I ve seen Planet Earth and Blue Planet.

Can i have his voice?

cookie monster said...

David Attenborough is a national tresure for us Brits as is his brother Richard.

sequined said...

If I were going to hire someone to narrate my life (which would be INCREDIBLE), I might have a hard time choosing between Alan Alda and Ron Howard. And I'd definitely force someone to walk around behind me with a boom box playing a soundtrack that corresponded to my activities. I might make my sister do that anyway, actually. Who needs the lottery when you have younger siblings?

Z said...

Def know who David Attenborough is, and love me some Planet Earth!

GOOD LUCK with the move!!! We're moving in a bit (a bit over a month?) so I'm beginning to feel some of the stress you're going through... Just keep reminding yourself of how great it will be once it is all done!

As for the guy-girl friend thing - me, personally, I have no problem with it. (Exception: I'm a little less cool with ex-girlfriends, but that is because I've been burned by bad experiences with that before. Before said experience, I was even cool with that)

Mama Zen said...

I want a trio of back-up singers to follow me around, adding emphasis as needed.

Hope said...

Oh, I've totally stealing Duke's quote. David Attenborough narrating a day in my life?

Utter perfection.

Arielle said...

Last summer my boyfriend flew to Delaware to visit his ex and then 2 weeks later shared a hotel room with her for a wedding. I was totally okay with the first one, not as much with the hotel room part but he said they had booked it before we started dating 6 months earlier. He ended up getting wayyy too drunk and threw up all over the room, which actually made me quite happy. =)

I am 100% okay with his non-ex-girlfriend female friends though, 100% of the time. I guess we're a rare breed.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

awwwww i want someone to talk about bowls with and what color we want to paint our walls, obviously something that would match purple carpeting well? I want to go to home depot together and watch him hang up shelves, O! THAT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN!! Good luck my dear. :)

I'm also stealing the tent idea, because it sounds fun.

Ashley said...

that book is why girls in our culture are so f-ing insecure and unsure of themselves. ick.

in other news, good luck moving!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

In reference to your question about girls and male friends, the answeris: yes.

Alexa said...

congrats on the move in!

you should start reading confessions of a cohabitant. she's on my blog roll.

Princess of the Universe said...

My best male friend constantly lies to his gfs whenever he hangs out with me. It pisses me off, as they don't even have the opportunity to know that I exist. For all he knows, they might be fine with it.
I constantly ask how I'm going to be the flower girl in the wedding if he never tells them about me...

Deutlich said...

My eyes bulged when I read "squirting" because... yeah.

Also? That book idea sounds horrendously awful.

Nilsa S. said...

That book? Horrific! I mean, that is, unless they give step-by-step instructions for how to tell the difference between black eyes from a nose job and black eyes because daddy beats mommy.

Surfergrrl said...

I know who Richard Attenborough is. Moving is so stressful. I hope it goes quickly and painlessly. ha ha! wishful thinking. btw, that book sound creepy. wtf?

thestoryofagirl said...

I just want to leave a comment. But blogger is freaking out, and won't let me! Ahh!

Maxie said...

I love made up drinking games like that. I'll have to try that one out.

And if i was going to choose someone to cover my life I think i'd have to pick someone with a really ridiculous voice... just...because.

Ant said...

"Squirting" and "rimmed"? Yes, that kind of chat sounds suspiciously similar to that coming from all those closet homosexuals in the Washington bar...

PS David Attenborough is a god.

Ant said...

PPS What would the hockey commentators say about being "under-boxed"?

Katelin said...

I heart you, haha. Good luck with the move!!

brookem said...

congrats on the move! that's exciting for you guys!

and i LOVE that story about your friend in the tent in her living room!

chasinglibby said...

that is UNBELIEVABLE. i am shocked! WTF. seriously...WTF!

also: i sooo wish i could simulate camping in my own room! how freaking cool THAT would be!

good luck with the move!!

PrincessB said...

What the heck! That is an unnecessary book. Sad.

I agree about Wendy's floats.

distractedspunk said...

I think you already know this, but I have no problems with my boy(s) having girl friends. Unless said girl friend is proven to be attracted to boy. *cough*Erica*cough*.

Also. Excellent tent desensitization.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

I tried to get "Planet Earth" on DVD (renting), and it was out...and a "very long wait"...BOO!!!

I like the tent idea.

Odd about the not jealous thing.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

You've made by QfB!

Quotes From Blogdom #5: Friday Roundup

eric1313 said...

I'm digging the free wheeling you. Your randomness has a nifty brand of logic all it's own.

And yes, I totally know who David Attenborough is. Me? I'd like Mickey Redmond, the commentator for the Wings, to to narrate my life. He not only says stuff like "and he beats off all the defenders and trickles in the back door" or "he's putting his lumber to everything on the ice", and is often drunk. He's said several times "Shouldn't of had that last ginger ale", and after that, the frequent viewer can just tell when he's been over served at the "soda fountain". And Detroit fans wouldn't want it any other way. Hey--he twice scored fifty goals for the Wings in the seventies, and then was traded to Montreal to win a few cups with Guy LaFleur and that crew. He can have all the "pops" he wants to have. And nobody can cover a thirty second brawl, not to mention a game with thirty plus brawls like some of our old Colorado games used to be ( I have the brawl in Hockeytown on DVD, a game from 1996 where everyone fought the entire time. Mike Vernon beat up Patrick Roy!).

Good recovery post after that last one! Have a great night, you.