Saturday, April 12, 2008

Quotes of the day (or introducing Americans to poutine)

It feels as though the last post sucked me dry. It had been following me along for so long, initially as a series of scattered ideas, then as a handful of metaphors and memories in my draft folder. It was almost as though the catharsis was too effective, leaving my brain a little barren. It's scary to think that my typing fingers may be getting a little rusty...


However, there's nothing like a bachelorette party for a few random anecdotes...

***

"My bum is jealous."

After some pre-drinking, I had my first stripper experience.

While I'm not the type of person to be uptight about nudity, I always found the notion of women going to see female strippers a bit too cliche. It seemed sort of like making out with a girlfriend on a table at a night club-- more about the attention than the actual experience. However, celebrating a friend's last big hurrah before her May wedding seemed as good of an excuse for nudity as any.

And so I found myself sitting in pervert's row, watching a woman dressed as a mermaid dance to "Kiss the Girl". My childhood memories wishing I was Ariel seemed a little corrupt at that moment-- Disney gone wild indeed.

The specific quote came out of my mouth after Officer Kyla shook her assets in my face. Seriously, there's nothing like high class exotic dancers to motivate you to get to the gym-- and to learn to use the monkey bars in a whole new way.

***

"I can feel the drool running down the cheese curds."

After the strippers, we made our way to a night club, where the bride-to-be was subject to a list of tasks in order to generate points. For instance, building a man's sexual anatomy was worth 2 points, getting a piggy back from a stranger was worth 15 points, and getting a man to put money in your bra was worth 50 points. Although technically she just had to obtain 60 points to be declared a "groovy chick", and 121 to be a party girl, as the bride to be put it "I'm a grad student, therefore I'm a perfectionist. I'm not stopping 'til I get total vixen status!"

Unfortunately, if there's anything consistent about bachelorette parties, it's the power of a goofy veil to bring out the sleezy men. My technique? Trying to convince would be suitors that I was actually 37 years old with 3 kids at home. 

After several hours of drinking, it was decided that the night wouldn't be complete without some late night poutine.

This actually was an initiation of sort for a number of the party-goers, who were from the States-- including the bride-to-be. You can distinguish between the Americans and the Canadians simply by virtue of whether they think fries smothered in gravy and cheese are a craveworthy midnight snack. The lady of the night looked rather appalled as we dove in. However, most humourous was when a friend (also a poutine virgin) made the declaration above, as he desperately tried to suck in dangling melted cheese curds. 

***

"If I had a day like in Groundhog's Day, where you know you get to relive it over again with no one remembering, I would make it my mission to unpop as many collars as possible."

Just a random observation on my part while enjoying crepes on a sunny patio this morning.

28 comments:

La said...

Um, I'm really not sure how I feel about a stripper dancing to "Kiss the Girl". That seems so wrong on just so many levels.

Stephanie said...

The collar-popping is definitely an issue to be remedied. Sounds like your night was eventful/interesting to say the least!

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Okay, I'd be willing to try it.... but only if you called it something else. Poutine sounds too much like "poontang" to me. I'd Google it to explain what it means, but I'm afraid of the nasty pictures I might get as a result. Let's just call it a slang term for now and leave it at that, K?

Sounds like a fun night, though!

thestoryofagirl said...

THAT IS CHEESE!?

I was hungry. I am hungry no longer. Thank you for that.

I kind of want to try it. I am a loyal subscriber to the philosophy that you "Can't knock it 'til you try it!"
:-D

distractedspunk said...

I think your night sounds so much better than my night. I should have just sucked it up and jumped on a plane.

Airam said...

It's been ages since I've had poutine ... I think I need some now!

Larissa said...

Just out of curiosity, what type of cheese is appropriate for that dish?

Tin Ma'am said...

i have been to a few strip clubs myself.

I've never heard of them doing a disney themed one.
almost feels wrong...like...really wrong.
shudder.

Arielle said...

That picture looks incredibly disgusting but I would bet it's DELICIOUS.

Deutlich said...

I'm not sure about that cheese (i'm weird about cheese) but the fries & gravy look FANTASTIC.

Hmm.. fries.

Ant said...

Fantastic stuff - I believe I saw the pics of this party before reading this post and it all looked a bit fun. Strangely though there seem to be none of Officer Kyla?

PS I didn't want to comment on the last post - anything I could have said would have seemed trite by comparison, but I appreciated it nonetheless (and fully understand the difficulties of follow-up posting...)

brandy said...

You put up a picture of poutine. I love you. And you know, I feel like it gets really disrespected. I mean, sure it LOOKS gross but honestly?? It's delicious. I'm even going to go out on a limb and say that I like the poutine from Costco best. Go ahead, throw some stones.

Also, strippers dancing to Disney is wrong. Though I have to say, on the rare times I've gone to the strippers, I've always left completely jealous of their athletic ability. I suspect they do not enjoy the poutine.

lawyerish said...

I'll never understand why poutine hasn't caught on in the state. Fries, covered in cheese, covered in gravy. What's not to love?

nicoleantoinette said...

Where were you when I was in college? Disney gone wild would be the BEST theme party ever.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Collar popping is so f'ing lame....I loathe it.

I've never had cheese curds, though I've always been intrigued. I don't do gravy, but I'd do it with melted cheese!

twentysomethingandclueless said...

YUM *drool*

that's all...

;)

chasinglibby said...

DROOL. poutine. DROOOOOOOOOL. srsly peeps: it's awesome

Dorky Dad said...

GRAVY on fries? I think I'm going to be sick.

Why yes, I AM an American ...

poodlegoose said...

Hmmm. I had no idea it was called poutine. I'm not exactly sure about the consistency of the cheese (I do like most kinds), but yes... gravy and cheese and fries are amazing.

And a stripping mermaid to Kiss the Girl? It almost makes me feel violated on some level. Very weird.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

So that's poutine.

It looks quite unsavoury - a lot like the late night kebabs that are so popular after hours in the UK.

'Pervert's Row'. I shall remember that

Sheila said...

Hmm...I never have any trouble convincing people that I am 38 years old with two kids at home... but then I never go to clubs anymore either...

A workmate of my husband's brought us some Poutine mix from Canada. We love pouring the gravy and cheese on our fries!

the frog princess said...

oooooh, I'm with you. Nothing screams "I am a tool!" like a popped collar.

As to the fries/cheese/gravy combo--I think that sounds like excellent drunk-fare. But as an American I would have to insist that it not be real cheese, but rather some sort of uber-processed cheese-sauce.

The drunker I get, the more chemicals I like in my food... Must be a cultural thing.

Crushed said...

I suppose this comment is more for the one before.
Funny how we remeber the bad times, and then the good times, almost in the same thought. As if we still ponder, whether we could have had one without the other.

I suppose the same goes for any addiction, they don't all cause obviouis damage, but they do, because they become someone's life focus./

Glad you're better, anyway.

Katelin said...

Oh man, dancing to "Kiss the Girl"?? That is just all sorts of wrong...granted the priest does have a boner in the movie, so maybe it is appropriate, haha.

Maxie said...

I <3 strip clubs. They're the shit... and I would totally eat that thing with fries and gravy. It looks like the perfect drunk food.

WKC said...

That stuff is completely delicious. We have it at a bar a couple blocks from school, except they call it "disco fries." "Poutine" is probably a cooler name for it, since it does not involve disco.

Ah yes, popped collars; they remind me of the golden years of boarding school. And by the "golden years" I mean the "dark ages."

lfar said...

OH geez I love poutine. With actual cheese curds instead of just grated cheese? MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Yoda said...

That poutine thing looks disgusting to me! But then I find cheesy fries (of the regular variety in US) disgusting too.

Have you heard of the Philly Pizza Sandwich? They make a philly cheesesteak and instead of the bun/bread? They have pepperoni pizza (slices facing each other).

Yikes!