Thursday, April 3, 2008

When even rainbow socks don't work

I wore rainbow socks yesterday.

They didn't help.

The morning kicked off with a bang with another assessment in prison to cover for my continually absent coworker, who, by my count, has missed 3 of her 4 weekly shifts in a row. This time, I had the luck of spending three hours of my morning with a sexist inmate, who, amongst other things, dissed my shoes.

Yes--my shoes.
A man in an orange jumpsuit dissed my black suede boots.
How does one even respond to that?

Once I returned to the clinic, I received a series of frantic phone calls on my cell from my soon-to-be landlady.
A little background... 
The Duke and I are taking the cohabitation plunge. After wasting much time looking at darkness infused suites or slowly backing away from crazy racist landladies trying to convince us to move in, we found a seemingly great place this weekend-- bright, large, big balcony, in-suite laundry, fireplace. The landlady seemed to really connect with us, and called us that evening to offer us the apartment. 
That was when the problems started. We tried no less than three days in a row to meet to sign the lease, with her pulling tricks like canceling our meeting midday, then frantically calling our cells repeatedly an hour later saying she could make it after all.

Cue Wednesday... I ignore her first few calls, since, you know, I'm working, as it is 2:30pm on a weekday. I finally answer. She now tells me that her realtor has called, and she is thinking of selling the place.
Yes, selling-- three days after she offered a year lease to us.
The kicker was that she hadn't made up her mind yet, so didn't want us to back out of the deal. She asked if we could wait another month to move in, and would sign a contract with us saying that she would give us $40 if she decided to sell instead.
Forty goddamn dollars.
And she had the nerve to act offended and tell me how many other people had wanted to move in when I told her that she had inconvenience us.

Needless to say, we are back at square one, without an apartment.

Oh, and did I mention it is end of class week madness?

And that I paid an excruciatingly exorbitant price for hockey tickets for the last game of the year, for my team vs. the Duke's team for his birthday? And now, two days before the game, my team is officially out of the playoffs (which was seemingly out of the question when I bought them), so people are now selling the tickets I paid 3-4 times the value of for below cost?

Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And so I provide you with a list of ridiculous things that make me smile.
(Seriously, writing the list was one of the only things to make me smile today-- so at least it worked!)

Platypuses. Because you know evolution was laughing when it created these suckers.

Driving through car washes. But only if they have the giant rollers and lots of suds.

Stepping on frozen puddles.

The foam on root beer floats.

Waking up, looking blurry-eyed at the alarm clock, and realizing you still have two more hours of delicious sleep left.

Pickled asparagus or green beans in my caesar.

Chia pets.

When people smell better than expected-- like the scruffy looking guy who squeezed past me in a bus line and smelled like Tang.

How, when eating almonds or edamame, they split in half so perfectly and smoothly in your mouth.

Swing sets. Particularly hopping on them despite completely inappropriate footwear, and pumping your legs so wholeheartedly that you get the giddy nervous stomach rush.

Ferris wheels.

Sidewalk chalk drawings.

Old character homes with unnecessary light switches and random nooks.

Umbrella trees. This is what I call any tree you can hide beneath.

Tidal pools.

Digging through the fresh dirt to find earthworms.

Tree houses.

My mom singing the opening riff to "Smoke on the Water" by going "Do do do, do do DO do"

Wiener dogs.

Playing peek-a-boo on the bus with the child sitting in front of you.

Rediscovering an amazing song you'd forgotten by putting iTunes on random.

Neighbourhood cats who follow me home.


Hope said...

I love playing peek-a-boo with children too! It makes the bus ride so much more entertaining!

I hope making the list worked a little better than the rainbow socks! Cause I was definitely smiling as I read!

Ant said...

I love playing peek-a-boo with children that have fit single mothers. Bit less wholesome really.

Your list made me smile, but your use of the word "diss" at the top made me smile even more. a) You sound all gangsta, and that inmate had better watch out and b) you also sound really hurt by it (obviously I don't like you being hurt, but yanno, this inmate's opinion *matters*...)

Do do do, do do DO do...

Maxie said...

I'm glad making the list made you feel at least a little bit better.

Being surprised by a good song always makes me happy.

Hope today is better :-)

benjibopper said...


fantastic list, made my day just reading it, and that platypus is now my desktop background.

that blows about your team. disappoint year for most of the canadian teams eh?

Anonymous said...

Why is playing peek a boo with stranger's kids so amazing!? I do it all the time and get such a giggle out of their little giggles :)

Stephanie said...

Your love list is wonderful. Kind of makes up for the work and housing situations a little bit. I would've killed for a treehouse like the one you pictured when I was a kid!

Deutlich said...

I LOVE TREE HOUSES! When I do have kids, i want to live somewhere w/a big yard and LOTS of really, really stable trees so I can build a tree house like that. Honest to blog, that's been a "dream" since I was a kid and wanting one myself.

I mean, seriously - how cool is a TREE HOUSE?!

Princess of the Universe said...

I loved loved loved your list. And I'm totally with you on the car wash thing.

Tin Ma'am said...

Chi-chi-chi-chiaa! lol
You really did have me with the platypus, i mean... it shows that God has a sense of humor. It's the redheaded step child. It's the kid on the playground that wanted to be a part of everthing.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you just make me grin. I loved reading this list. Let's find a hotel with a swingset, k? K.

(Also, I'm sorry about how things went down with the apartment. BAH, I say to the evil landlady.)

Jess said...

I think you're lucky you found out that your landlord was insensitive, rude, and unprofessional before you signed the lease. I'm sure you would have wound up with incredible amounts of frustration if you had had to deal with her for a year.

Congrats on taking the cohabitation plunge, and good luck finding a place!

Eve said...

The nerve! I can't believe he insulted your boots.

Nice list though. Mmm. Edamame.

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

My treehouse never looked like that.


Hope your day gets better. I think this was just a crap week for everyone.

Surfergrrl said...

sorry about the apartment. You will probably find one better and will be glad you never ended up with this one.

I love swing sets!

Valerie said...

Oh, I just LOVE it when animals follow me! I would be perfectly happy to have a constant stream of animals following me around at all times. I'd look like the Pied Piper, running the rats out of Hamelin (I had to wikipedia that, by the way).

And that landlady seems like a nutcase.

Psychgrad said...

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that landlady. I got into an arguement with a potential landlady trying to give me shit for not wanting to move into her place. It's kind of satisfying to know that at least they don't have you tied down.

Funny you should mention almonds. I was eating some while reading your post. I love they way they split perfectly too! Then, you get to run your tongue along the smooth surface inside the almond. Such a perfect nut. The almond, that is.

Larissa said...

That is a wonderful list that brightened my day! Seriously, weiner dogs will bring a smile to my face :)

Katelin said...

I love tree houses and refinding songs on my Itunes, it definitely makes the day better.

Hope you have a fabulous weekend!

Yoda said...

Cohabitation plunge! Whoa that's a biggie. Congrats!

You should've praised the inmate for wearing an in-fashion orange jumpsuit by Giorgio Armani. But added that YSL's jumpsuits are a tad bit sharper and they have cuter zippers.

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Is it Dr. Phil who says, "When people tell you who they are (in word or deed), believe them. Sounds like you dodged a bullet by losing that lease.

Maybe that con had been arrested by the fashion police and thought he was making restitution by offering you advice? JK, I'm sure your boots are smokin'!

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Is it Dr. Phil who says, "When people tell you who they are (in word or deed), believe them. Sounds like you dodged a bullet by losing that lease.

Maybe that con had been arrested by the fashion police and thought he was making restitution by offering you advice? JK, I'm sure your boots are smokin'!

Tina Vaziri said...

That lady sounds crazy, like totally not in touch with reality. Hope you find a place soon!

And your list = awesome.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

GOD. I love this post, and swingsets and worms and chia pets. I remember my favorite thing when I was little was collecting rollie pollies, it was the most blissful ridiculousness EVER.

the frog princess said...

I love your list! Except for Ferris Wheels. They terrify me. (Yet I go on them all the time anyway. Apparently I am a masochist.)

Also, have you ever heard Robin Williams' scpheal about god creating the platypus? Hilarious!

Actually, that is the perfect cure for a stressful week. Go rent "Robin Williams Live at the Met" and grab a bottle of wine. In a few hours you will feel infinitely better--it is possibly the funniest thing I have ever witnessed!

In fact... I think I'm going to add it to my Netflix queue right now... :)

Crushed said...

I don't think I've ever met a platypus.
But I guess I'd smile if I did.

Now digging to find earthworms, not done that for a long time.
In fact, until you mentioned it, I wouldn't have remembered ever having done it.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I would totally kill that Landlady. I don't know if I'd want to live under her 'control' anyway. Ya know?

But I'm very happy that you and The Duke are looking for an apartment. :-D

di.di said...

So that may be the blessing in disguise... who knows? anyway, good luck wt your house hunting!

brandy said...

I'm sorry that the habitation hunt took a turn for the worse. Fingers crossed that things look up! Well done on your list- I found myself nodding along with so many of them. Especially tree houses. My cousin had a tree house growing up and I remember getting into trouble when I told her that the only reason I came over was because of the tree house and not her. She cried. I was told to apologize but honestly, couldn't figure out what I had done wrong.

As you can imagine, I was a charming child.

Sheila said...

I too love Tree Houses, Sidewalk chalk drawings and realizing I have more time before the alarm is set to go off!

Sorry to hear about your habitation woes. Hopefully something even better is right around the corner!

Silverstar said...

Sorry to hear about your rough time, but at least you're trying to remind yourself of nicer things.
Swings, platypi and cats that follow you around are indeed some of the finer things in life. :)

Anonymous said...

so true, all of what you listed!! out of curiosity, did you say anything back to the inmate?

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

That root beer float and tree house are bad ass!

lawyerish said...

My response to the inmate: "I'm going to go home and not be in jail now."

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Love your list

mcgee said...

i loved this list. thank you in turn for making me smile.