Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Princess' Prestigious Asshat of the Week

If anyone sees a man in a wifebeater with a single earring, can direct him this way so he's knows he's won? He'll be the one with the back stubble peeking out.


You, sir, came sauntering onto the train, with your sister and her two children in tow, a girl around 8 years old, and a boy of maybe 5 years. You sat down in front of me, and both distracted me from my book with astute social commentary, as well as by your vigorous sparring with the boy.

I just thought you were a run of the mill asshat, but, sir, you proved me wrong.

The girl asked you why you and the boy had only one earring each.

Their mother, who we shall also dub a minor asshat in her own right for both her lame gender stereotypes and the fact that they are 10 years out of date, stated "Because boys only wear one earring, and girls wear two."

But that was not a thorough enough explanation for you, now, was it? Heaven forbid your nephew started flirting with the idea of a second piercing, or, even worse, your niece decided to only wear one earring?

As such, you proudly proclaimed, your nephew nestled in your lap, "If I saw a guy wearing two earrings, I'd call him a fag."

But indoctrinating your niece and nephew with homophobia rants (not to mention within the earshot of the rest of the train) was still not enough.

So, you placed the cherry on top.

"And if he had a problem with that, I would have to duke it out with him."

You then blathered on about some ugly child that you knew.
But you didn't need to try so hard, back-stubbled guy! 
You had already won asshat of the week by a long shot.


The prize? 
It certainly isn't this awesome asshat!
(which I would totally rock, as a side note)
It's a free vasectomy!! Because, sir, you have no business breeding.

27 comments:

brandy said...

Ugh! Just hearing about this pissed me off. It's so frustrating hearing the way people talk to kids sometimes. And then we wonder why kids today can be intolerant- they get it from someone. Namely, the asshat who sat in front of you...

Question Mark said...

I like the picture..thats great.

poodlegoose said...

Idiocracy. I'm just waiting for it to actually happen.

Surfergrrl said...

i would also award him the biggest douche of the year. do they have a hat for that?

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Two earrings = buttsex.
What a lovely, informed point of view. This douchenugget has managed to encapsulate an entire sexuality in a comment on their choice of ear jewelery.

Bravo, sir. Bra-VO. Please collect your complimentary kick in the balls at your earliest convenience.

S'Mat said...

i think that may be one of those donkeys that excrete cigarettes when you pull on his ears... the ass-hat not the asshat. that guy excretes whenever he opens his gob.
it's really quite sad to see portions of life drift past wherein the denizens empower themselves by warping the curiosity of children.

Brett said...

Spot on, just hope you don't get too much abuse in your comments, i had a little rant last week and got a couple of not nice comments, really gets to you at times.

Marianne said...

Oof, what a freak! So embarrassing people are happy to let the entire world know how stupid and ignorant they are. Awesome hat - me likey.

lspoon said...

I'm not even sure I could have practiced restraint. I think I would have hauled off and smacked some sense into him right there.

Jess said...

Oh, MAN. That would drive me CRAZY.

Though I do love the asshat, I have to say.

deutlich said...

that thing about the earrings? That's something my dad would say.

for real.

Yoda said...

Such people live in Canada? I thought they were unique to the southern/central reaches of the lower 48 states? They've been migrating up north!

Also, I'm in Chicago this weekend!!

EF said...

See, that is what is wrong with public transportation- people can't keep their stupidity shrouded in the confines of their private ignorance when others can hear their insipid conversations. I wish Boy george would have sat down next to them and put them in a few of his fancy bondage positions- damn travel visas!

NamesAreHardToPick said...

I read a statement by a kid the other day which I think you'll agree with which stated "To the people who keep complaining about our generation ... they forget who raised us."

It is amazing, yet true how we often forget that our minor influence can help or hurt others a great deal. I would love to deck that guy, but then I'd be no better than him.

rs27 said...

no offense but that ass hat looks pretty hip.

I'll take two

Matt said...

Can we order those hats online somewhere?

Please tell me yes.

Salt City Girl said...

I have to agree with your observation. Usually the only time I hear something as stupid as that is perhaps in a Wal-Mart in the burbs of Utah.

IMFB said...

Can we forcibly sterilize people? Please? I have a list to start with.

Dexter Colt said...

About 14 years ago I went through my dumb phase where both my ears were pierced. Gay huh? That's like 1970s thinking.

Elaine said...

you're right! He has no business breeding... and he has no business breathing. Jesus, you can't make up that type of ignorance.

captain corky said...

He sounds like a real winner! I wonder if he's available to baby sit for my son...

Maxie said...

why? why are people suck effing assholes. I hope someone kicks HIS ass next time he talks like that.

WKC said...

Yeah, the presence of children--their children--makes it ten times worse.

Crashdummie said...

What a schmuck! Its insane - u need a permit to drive and even go fising, but any idiot can breed!

Eve said...

Ew! Sometimes I think people are all the same. Not times like the one you described though.

*shivers*

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Ew, what an ignorant creepo. But I totally dig that hat. And will DUKE IT OUT with you for it.

eric1313 said...

I was totally going to say what an amazing asshat, but of course, you beat me to it.

Look at me! I'm OD-ing on Princess diatribes. It's very entertaining, I must say.

The one earing bit is about 20 years out of date down here.

Now, it's the one nipple ring bit that needs to go. Or both. I don't even like seeing women mutilate themselves like that.

Me? No piercings, no tattoos.

But I have one heck of a mullet and the remanenants of my playoff beard, which I was going to let grow all summer, but I don't want to look like Grizzly Adams, or feel like a sweaty, mangy yeti.

But it was quite glorious while it lasted, I must say.