If anyone sees a man in a wifebeater with a single earring, can direct him this way so he's knows he's won? He'll be the one with the back stubble peeking out.
You, sir, came sauntering onto the train, with your sister and her two children in tow, a girl around 8 years old, and a boy of maybe 5 years. You sat down in front of me, and both distracted me from my book with astute social commentary, as well as by your vigorous sparring with the boy.
I just thought you were a run of the mill asshat, but, sir, you proved me wrong.
The girl asked you why you and the boy had only one earring each.
Their mother, who we shall also dub a minor asshat in her own right for both her lame gender stereotypes and the fact that they are 10 years out of date, stated "Because boys only wear one earring, and girls wear two."
But that was not a thorough enough explanation for you, now, was it? Heaven forbid your nephew started flirting with the idea of a second piercing, or, even worse, your niece decided to only wear one earring?
As such, you proudly proclaimed, your nephew nestled in your lap, "If I saw a guy wearing two earrings, I'd call him a fag."
But indoctrinating your niece and nephew with homophobia rants (not to mention within the earshot of the rest of the train) was still not enough.
So, you placed the cherry on top.
"And if he had a problem with that, I would have to duke it out with him."
You then blathered on about some ugly child that you knew.
But you didn't need to try so hard, back-stubbled guy!
You had already won asshat of the week by a long shot.
It certainly isn't this awesome asshat!
(which I would totally rock, as a side note)
It's a free vasectomy!! Because, sir, you have no business breeding.