Friday, October 3, 2008

Reason #4527 to avoid McDonald's

The fastest way for me to get to my morning bus is to exit from the back of my apartment and cut a block and a half through a back alley to a main road.
Unfortunately, that path takes me directly past the back door of a McDonald's.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more effective to keep you away from the Big Mac as the back of a McDonald's. Not only does the smell of deep fryer permeate the alley, but there are regularly random vats of grease leaking onto the side of the building. Not to mention there seem to be a disproportionately high number of public urinators who mark their territory alongside these grease barrels.

However, nothing is quite so foul as the McHaze.

One time, as the Duke and I were strolling by, we suddenly found ourselves enveloped in an oily haze. Not only was the odor overwhelming, but as we emerged from the cloud, there was actually a slippery residue on both of our faces.

Now our strolls down the alley are accompanied by a much more substantial level of hypervigilence, as we discovered you can actually see the McHaze approaching-- an ominous, shimmering, oily fog.

35 comments:

Larissa said...

Seriously, I think just inhaling near a McDonald's is a health hazard.

EF said...

I think I'll have a V-8 instead

Crushed said...

I'm sure they put gluten in their food though.

I know it really is just crap, but it does taste good.

I wonder if your burgers and studff are the same over there? I'm told they're different in the US.

S'Mat said...

if my brief foray into the world of aquariums taught me anything, it's that uric acid deaminates to become ammonia, which The Worst Jobs In History showed, quite vividly, to have once been used in the textile industry to remove grease from clothes.
therefore, the urinators are performing a public service with their golden arches. not that i'm their ambassador or anything.

distracted spunk said...

I'm very relieved that I never wandered through this oil haze. Though I do recall the exit you speak of.

Lauren said...

Ewww! Yes, I think i'll avoid that place for the rest of my life now. Thank you!

benjibopper said...

McHaze, there's a new one for the lexicon. genius.

Yoda said...

Imagine all the zits you'd get walking through that McHaze!

the almost right word said...

I've been told that the McHaze is actually a set-up -- places like Burger King and McDonald's purposefully blow seemingly-burger-smelling-smoke to make those who pass by yearn for the Mac.

Clearly, it doesn't work on everyone. ;)

cdp said...

Yeah, that is pretty rank. Although, I have to say . . . an Egg McMuffin is my go-to hangover breakfast. De-freaking-lishus.

Happy weekend, lovely!

Bayjb said...

That's awful. Yeah I felt that way after seeing Chipotle preparing the rice. It's never been the same. I still love McDonald's cheeseburgers though. Hmmmm.

Mandy said...

Ewwwwwwwww

jenn said...

I'm glad I don't have to go there... Because I secretly (well, not so secretly) love McDonalds. Despite how disgusting it is!

S'Mat said...

Erm, yesm, i return to try and buoy some of these naysayers: I AM a naysayer, and yet I have a once-a-month (read: maybe perhaps, two... honestly!!) binge at the
i-gave-up-on-life-for-a-split-second. And it's horrible... when you're done.

longredcape said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwewewewewewewewew

Joanna said...

That oily fog has me so grossed out right now.

Sara said...

That sounds so aweful, but I will probably still eat McDonalds!

sequined said...

That's disgusting. And probably a good strategy for people trying to stop frequenting fast food places.

ToughGirl101 said...

Damn... I eat a lot of fast food, I think you've just bummed me out.

Crashdummie said...

euwwww!!! Bet u get pimples just walking through that. blah

thank good I have never been a fast food kinda gal.

Lord Chimmy said...

My coworker and I refer to McDonald's as "The Poison." Every once in a while we have lunch there and it always feels like we've been poisoned afterward. It is always a regrettable place to have lunch.

Dorky Dad said...

Try emptying the grease traps every night like I did for years back in the day. Holy bats.

And yet I still find myself there once in a blue moon ...

JessWrites said...

Wow. That is incredibly gross.

PrincessB said...

Gross. I ate there with my nieces and felt crappy for two days. Ew.

miss milly said...

the mcdonalds in my town barely has any work so I have never experienced the mchaze.... that is hilarious... and nasty. Methinks you'll need to invent a contraption that will put a protection bubble around you that deflects unwanted odors, people etc. You would make a killing.... though the lawsuits from the idiots out there would be another matter.... ;)

ipodcreditcard said...

OK seriously- that haze thing made me feel a tad sick to my stomach. EWWWWWWWWWWWW

Sheila said...

OK, seriously yucky! I know that if I witnessed all the behind the scenes at food establishemnts, I would never eat out!

chasinglibby said...

GRODYYYYYYY

(i'd be lying if i said i didn't like the fish o filet or whatever it's called. guilty as charged)

dmb5_libra said...

my mouth fell open when you mentioned "oily haze".....uggggghhhhh.

Daisy said...

If only i had read this post BEFORE I went away for the weekend ... I hadn't eaten Micky Ds for AGES and AGES but then I went on a road trip and my friend said in his Aussie accent, "How 'bout s'm Mackers? Nothin' quite like s'm Mackers on the road." and I was like "uh huh" ... 10 trillion calories later ... and now after reading your post... I think I'm going to be sick ...

Surfergrrl said...

it's funny how grease smell can latch on to you and you can smell like that all day. yuck

nuttycow said...

I too have been attacked by that haze and it is foul. Although I still get that hankering for a 1/4 pounder with cheese soon after.

I've managed to resist Maccy D's for about 3 years now. I will be strong.

Z said...

Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!! That's all.

Mrs4444 said...

I used to work at McDonald's. I know of what you speak; that film. [shudder]

the frog princess said...

A friend of mine worked at a McDonald's all through high school... and her hair more or less permanently smelled like french fries.

Despite all of this, however, I still have a sudden craving for a cheeseburger. WHY?!?