Sunday, October 12, 2008

Two stories to prove my classiness

In an attempt to verse my mother in big-city multicultural life, I took her to an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant around the corner from my place. With the menus placed in front of us, I may have went a little crazy with the checklist, ordering us a cornucopia of rolls, noodles and other dishes. As the first appetizers arrived, we ate at a frenzied pace; however, as the trays continued docking, we gradually slowed, until our eating tempo halted completely... with an array of full dishes still in front of us.


Bolded letters on the menu reminded us that "Wasted food will be charged on the bill at regular prices."

And this is where I had the opportunity to demonstrate to my mother the true skills I learned in the city. In stealth fashion, each time a server turned the corner away from us, I would drop a piece of sushi into the napkin spread in my lap. After a few pieces, the napkin was wrapped around the random pieces of food, and I shuttled them to the bathroom garbage, where I gathered more paper towel for wrapping purposes. There is no greater display of class than smuggling paper towel wrapped sushi out of a restaurant in your purse with your mother.

***

Last night, as a large group of us sat around my friend's living room in a turkey induced daze, a fellow dashed into the room with a purple egg shaped electronic device in hand.


"This thing is amazing!" he proclaimed. "You pick any item, and it asks you twenty yes or no questions about it. It will seriously figure it out. It actually got poutine!"

Sure enough, this device had some serious psychic powers. As we grew more astonished by its powers, we also grew more dirty (note- many, many glasses of wine were had at this point). After it guessed "panties" correctly, it was decided that we would determine whether it could identify a certain part of the female anatomy.

We giggled while replying to its questions, such as "Is it usually exposed outdoors?"

After twenty questions, the red letters flashed on the screen-- "I know what it is!"

We all peer over the holder's shoulders expectantly.

"You are thinking of pussy!"

Seriously.
The children's toy said pussy.

The Twenty Questions Electronics Game by Mattel-- keeping drunken perverts entertained for decades.

34 comments:

Arielle said...

I've heard about that toy thing! But I've never seen one in person. I can't tell if it's a great thing that it knows the word pussy or if it's mildly disturbing.

Brooke Hughes said...

Im so glad you said you smuggled food out of the restaurant...Ive been trying to figure out forever how to do it and to get up the nerves to go through with it.

verybadcat said...

The first example is the sushi place's fault- for having stupid policies.

The second example is just hilarious. ;)

Bayjb said...

OMG the sushi story is hilarious. I have NEVER heard of a place charging you for wasted food. That's insane. But I do know how easy it is to order too much sushi.

nicoleantoinette said...

Ha, this post makes me so, so want to be your 3D friend. Although I don't like sushi. But surely we could smuggle food from other places as well?

Mandy said...

I have the 20 questions toy thing! It has entertained my drunken friends and I for hours. Really. Hours. It is the best!

Surfergrrl said...

I can't believe it said that!! hilarious. I'm putting it on my xmas list.

ToughGirl101 said...

OMG! That is an amazing little device! Now I want one! How ridiculous is that?

Brett said...

Want one

Psych Post Doc said...

The sushi story is just hilarious.

And is that toy supposed to be for kids?

Crushed said...

I know its supposedly pretentious, but I really like Sushi.

Your Mum is, I guess like all Mums. Mine is slowly becoming urbanised, but its taken her a few years.

There's an all you can eat Chinese buffet place in Brum charges a tenner- but the Sushi is extra. Thing is, the Sushi counter is unmanned.
So yes, I cheat :)

lspoon said...

No! It did not say pussy! that's hysterical! :)

I love that game, my sister has one and every time I'm over at her house I play with it.

Yoda said...

Wait! You guys stopped at pussy? I'd have graduated to 'cum' next ;-)

Dabby said...

That is too funny! Who knew restaurants could charge you for things you don't eat? Yikes.

Roshan said...

Haha, I bet the food actually tastes better when u get home. And where can I get a 20 questions toy like that?

longredcape said...

Those 20 questions things really are amazing. I can't believe it said "pussy," though. I bet that was put in there as a joke by one of the programmers.

Essentially Me said...

I want that toy!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I'm well impressed with both your thievery and this toy you speak of.

I am going to guess that it does not know what a Merkin is.

Salt City Mistress said...

OMG, I have one of those too! It's mind-boggling how it knows. I have stumped it a few times, but I'm going to try "pussy" when I get home.

sequined said...

I can't believe it got pussy! That is insane! Both super cool and super weird. At the same time.

Daisy said...

Your stories made me laugh. Totally classy.

Rachel said...

*jumps in car to buy any game that says pussy in it*

Princess of the Universe said...

My Dad got one of those things in his stocking last Christmas. I only played a G-rated version - but was still impressed with its abilities!

jenn said...

Ha!! Hilarious... That toy is amazing. Totally amazing.

t.k.foster said...

No wonder our kids are all in line to go to Hell. Seriously, this has to be a joke.

benjibopper said...

wow, that is an impressive toy! are you sure it didn't think you were talking about a cat? regardless, fearful technological awesomeness.

Larissa said...

I would have done the exact same thing with the sushi. With no guilt at all.

S'Mat said...

so when blue balls speak they say "pussy" do they? hmmm. how'd your mum take the impertinent little machine's response?

surviving myself said...

I am buying that toy.

Jocelyn said...

Okay, we have the twenty questions toy. Since it's always used around my kids, we've never tried out the dirties on it. Now I know what to avoid (or that I should take it out after dark).

Wouldn't it have been something if the game had guess "smuggled sushi" instead of "pussy"? There are some overlaps, you know.

Kayleigh said...

omg lol lol. that is unbelievable!! and happy belated thanksgiving and election day!

smuggling sushi? YES.

poodlegoose said...

It totally didn't get unicorn. But maybe it's because I messed up the answers. ;) ha. Love that thing.

Mrs4444 said...

Wow! That's impressive! Mom was just telling me that ours came up with "my big toe"! Very cool.

the frog princess said...

I have one of those!

I was hooked after a co-worker brought it into the restaurant on a slow day and it guessed "penis" after 8 questions. :)