It's a damn weighty feeling to know you have let someone down.
I tend to be hypervigilent at the best of times (and downright neurotic at the worst of times) about the way my actions with be perceived by others. So the notion that, despite the noblest of intentions, and theoretically the most precise of attention, I have still slipped up, is like a swift kick to the stomach.
I'm starting to think there is merit to patenting the term "psychologist's guilt". For me, I fall into despair when I unintentionally do something to offend or sting someone. I chastise myself in a heavyhanded manner-- how can I be a professional if I screw up every day interpersonal interactions?
So, yes, I hurt someone I care about.
Nothing irreparable, nothing unforgivable, nothing intentional.
But I still hurt them.
At first, excuses poured out of my mouth like a waterfall, like rapids.
I needed it to be understood that there were miscommunications, misunderstandings, distractions, that malevolence was never a part of the plan.
That, quite simply, I never meant to.
But sometimes you just need to admit that you made a mistake.
That moment I admitted it, I felt myself crumple, the wall hard against my back.
I guess we all deserve to feel guilty sometimes.