Thursday, December 31, 2009

Resoluting.

Perhaps it is just sitting under a ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars, harkening back to my days of compulsive diary writing, that leads me to want to write so urgently again.


The other day, the Duke, doing a random Google Reader check, said "I didn't know you were blogging again."

"I don't know if I am," I replied.

Blogging, in its current form, doesn't seem to just be about writing anymore. It seems to have exploded into this bundle of networking, commenting, twittering. And I just can't do that right now. I used to literally dedicate hours in the evenings to this endeavour, and those are hours that simply don't exist anymore.

Over the holidays, I have spent a little more time online than usual, and read a lot about the latest round of blogging drama. I don't care to place myself in the debate, but the fact that it even exists is what kind of made me flee for the hills for a little while, despite having a lot of love for writing and the people who do it. I'm 28 years old now, dammit. The idea of secret undercurrents behind the writing is ridiculous and bloody exhausting. The fact that I have let my feelings get hurt over some of this stuff in the past is even more absurd.

Perhaps, ironically, by virtue of blogging, I know myself a lot better now, and one of the things I know is that I will absolutely, without a doubt, need this outlet again. With the moving across the country, alone, to somewhere I will potentially know very few people, this space will be essential. Even now, without it, I find my head swimming a bit too much, and my text messages are getting far too long to be practical. And I know that there are still a lot of wonderful "portable" friends here that will provide that slice of home when I'm feeling lonely.

Until then, though, I'm trying to get back to just writing. Simple as that. Because I sometimes find it sad that I got so caught up in comments and statistics, and lost that spark.

So, my secret 2010 resolution is to blog on my terms. To write because I want to write. And read because I want to read. Not because it has been a week since my last post or because my reader is too big or my funny posts get more comments. Only because I have something to say, or I want to hear what you have to say.

That can't be that hard, can it?

14 comments:

Who? Me? said...

Amen. I don't want to get tied up in drama in the blog world. So I write when I want and I don't when I want and now...no one reads anymore! Oh well to that... :) Happy New Year!

Ashalah said...

That's an excellent resolution! You have to do what's best for you :) I will always read you! Happy New Year!! xo!

Surfergrrl said...

If I let the amount of comments dictate my writing my blog, I'd never write. I think the generation that came after me suffers from a sense of this kind of, need to have validation, especially online. You almost grew up in very open forums and in front of cameras. I think it's hard for the 20-something generation to let that go sometimes. Is that ageism? :)

Ant said...

Big up that resolution. And agree with the inestimable value of those "portable" friends - very important when I'm on my travels.

Happy new year!

P.T said...

Happy new year to you!

I agree with you about writing when you want to. I kinda find myself immersed in the comments 'business' too. If I don't get comments I feel disappointed. But that's not why I started blogging and I've lost the 'purpose' along the way. Which I intend to rectify too.

Anyway your posts are always a pleasure to read. :D

P said...

Good for you!

The drama in recent days has been a bit much for me. I write nearly every day but that's because I want to. If I DON'T want to write everyday, then I just won't.

I have to say though I do always like when your name appears in my reader - I love your blog and missed you when you don't post. :)

gemdot said...

that's the approach i'm taking at my place. i used to think about how i wanted to dramatize and tell my story in an interesting way that would garner me some comments.

comments are few and far between on the new blog...and that's ok. but today for instance? all i want to say (and all I DID say) was, "I had a crap NYE, ok? But I did. And I don't want to draw it out by describing what happened. So I'll just come back when I'm in a better mood."

Mandy said...

I am not a fan of blog world drama, writing whats in my head and heart is so important to me, its what I strive for. Good for you for just focusing on writing and having this place as an outlet. I am always happy to see your words pop up in my reader.

poodlegoose said...

I think that's a great resolution. And uh, yeah. I don't know anything about drama because I tend to skip over things that cause a lot of drama. Good to see you back (even if for a little while)!

Rebekah J said...

I read your comment on another post the other day about how sometimes you pour yourself into a post and then get few, if any comments. I'm right there with you. It feels sucky. This year I resolve not to look at my stats anymore and just write what I want.

Elle said...

I've kept up a personal blog for over 6 years now on a completely different site as a "journal," but you're right - coming over to Blogger and doing a more public outlet of my writing has left me questioning how healthy it is. My intentions were to write in a more public place, but once my Google Reader starts overflowing with unread posts, I find myself in a tizzy on whether I'll ever manage to keep up with commenting. Sure, it's important to connect, but I don't know that it's more important than actually writing.

Either way, to a wonderful new year!!

Meghan said...

That's a great goal to have and I wish you luck. I love your writing whenever it happens :)

Evie Stewart said...

I completely agree that you should only write when you totally feel it. But, I hope you feel like it a lot, because you're a good writer!
Happy New Decade!
xo/
@EvieStewart

choochoo said...

There's blogging drama? Where? lol. I've completely missed that. Then again, I have a shiny new kindle, so I'm missing all sorts of things around me these days.