Monday, May 10, 2010

A big ol' glass of Haterade

That's right, I be hatin'.


On what, you ask?

Nachos with not enough cheese. No one pays $12 for a $3 bag of tostitos with a side of never-enough sour cream. Cooks, you need to learn to layer that shit-- a handful of chips, a pile of shredded cheese, repeat, repeat, repeat.

People in McDonald's at 1am. This Saturday night, post friend's birthday party, the Duke and I hit up McD's. (Don't judge. I decided that 6 years was long enough to go without Chicken McNuggets. And it most definitely was.) And, of course, the place was full of drunk d-bags ordering cheeseburgers in a 6-pack, trying to pick up a table full of girls, and verbally abusing the staff. The best part is that they thought they were so goddamn hilarious that the kept on looking over their shoulder expectantly at us, looking confused as to why we were not laughing. Sorry, I don't find screaming "Fries fries fries!" at a 16 year old kid hysterical. I guess my sense of humour is a little more nuanced.

As a side note, where is it that people got the notion that alcohol comes along with a free asshole pass? Sure, alcohol does give a free pass to several things, such as teaching your co-workers how to rap, reminding the entire dance floor why the running man should have never gone out of style, eating your weekly caloric intake in poutine, or hugging the new BFF you met in the bathroom because her shoes were too damn awesome. But, frankly, alcohol has never made me want to unleash a tirade on a random stranger or humiliate a late night cashier. So, while the "I was drunk" excuse might work to how you woke up with a half-eaten bowl of ramen noodles snuggled up in bed beside you or why you are above the age of 18 with a hickey, it ain't gonna fly to explain sheer douchebaggery. That's not because you were drunk. It is because you were-- and are-- an asshole.

People who don't lock the restaurant bathroom door. And then you look like an inconsiderate jerk and have to apologize profusely when you walk in on them mid-pee.

Putting my duvet back in its cover. I'm more likely to end up tangled in there than my blanket is.

Girls who pretend to like hockey. So it's playoff season, and the city is all a-twitter with hockey excitement. Just the perfect time for the pseudo-hockey fans to come out of the woodwork. They are easy to spot at the bar, in their just-purchased team t-shirt, often that awful pink girlie one, to remind you "I like hockey. But I'm still a girl. Tee-hee." They chat throughout the whole game, looking uninterested, until a goal is scored- then they cheer like their lives depended on it, and try to catch the eyes of the guys around them. I have friends like this-- a game is on during the week, and they are clueless. They call me in the middle of overtime to chat. They don't know who won what game, or who scored a hat trick the night before. Yet, on Friday night, they are insistent on finding the best spot in town to watch the game, and they are talking to guys about how much they loooooove our team, spitting out facts that I told them earlier that night.

I know that the playoffs are good in getting new fans into the game, and that people are often eager to learn more about a popular sport-- and that's fine. But I just resent the pseudo-cache that people throw around, as though they are the "original" fans. There's nothing wrong with being a bandwagoner... just don't pretend to be otherwise.

People who don't understanding that working from home means that I'm working. I have one friend in particular who can't seem to understand how much self-directed work doing a PhD entails. She is constantly asking me what I'm doing now that I'm finished all my classes, as though I have nothing better to do than catch up on Seinfeld episodes. How ever many times I tell her seeing several clients, writing manuscripts, running participants, completing data analyses, having several meetings a week, non-class lectures, writing a massive dissertation, on top of my job, all she seems to take from this list that I have plenty of spare time since I do this from home a couple of days a week. So, whenever she wants to do something, she calls me at 3pm, when she gets off work. And no matter how many times I tell her that, even on the days I work from home, I am in front of the computer until *at least* 5pm, she gets annoyed that I won't meet up with her on her schedule. I've taken to lying and telling her that I'm in a meeting or a lecture until the evening, just so she takes my work seriously, because even telling her "major deadlines" doesn't seem to stop her from getting snappy when she thinks that I'm just sitting around at home when she is waiting around for me to finish working.

Wow, I'm a little bitter, aren't I? Is it any wonder rants is my #1 tag? Just to be fair, I also love the new Josh Ritter album, all you can eat sushi, cheesy nachos, freshly washed sheets, sunny days, boston terriers, key lime pie, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and spending time with my friends after a hard day's work.

Oh, and an update- I also hate whoever the spilt an entire box of bran flakes in my apartment building stairway without cleaning it up.

20 comments:

Caz said...

I too am hating on the bandwagon fans. Particularly those bandwagon fans who end up with (free) front row seats to games while I'm stuck here covertly listening online during work. Grr. Although that's more my fault than theirs...

Also, please eat your weight in all-you-can-eat sushi for me. Nothing has convinced me more that Vancouver has to end up as home, than the fact Melbourne has TERRIBLE sushi.

Ant said...

Rraaaaarrrrrr!

It's been a while since we had a good Princess rantathon... :-)

Fully sympathise with the last one. When I'm working from home (as I am now, forseeably for the next two weeks), it means the cosh has really come down and I *must* get this thing done (without distractions from office-workers). Try explaining that to my mates: "oh what an easy job you've got". Le sigh.

Jazz said...

Douchebaggery abounds. We are surrounded by douchebags...

Mega said...

Ah the ole "we don't like the Johnny Come Latelys bandwagoners" hockey fans. I say come one come all and cheer for the Blackhawks. Also, one of my buddies is also done with classes for his science doctorate. Many people think he is done now. He has to explain that he is still doing research and analysis on what he calls his "protein empire" for 10 hours a day.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I work from home a few days each week. It took a long time for my husband to get that I actually do work from home. Just because I'm able to throw some laundry in and then work while it's running its cycle doesn't mean I'm not working!

P said...

"Oooh, yum, I'll just have some bran flakes right here on the stairs since I can't be bothered looking for a plate. Dammit, I forgot the milk. I'll be right back after I've gone to the grocery store . . ."

I am so funny sometimes I even amaze myself.

Love a good rant!

Elle said...

I have actually climbed INSIDE my duvet cover to get the comforter in right. Getting out was...troublesome :T. But also hilarious!

sonrie said...

thank you thank you thank you! I needed to laugh at your writing today so much! I had a terrible day at work, though it wasn't at the clients (I am also a therapist), it was a co-worker who somehow feels the need to write snarky emails to other co workers about me. Wonderful.

Jessica (Bayjb) said...

Damn girl you are hatin' but with good reason. I hate the nacho thing. That drives me insane. Why pay for stale dry chips. All that money is going into the cheese! WTF??

TMC said...

I'll set up my yurt in your hateration camp. It also really irks me when people say "nachos and cheese" as though the chips themselves are called nachos. They wouldn't know real nachos if we served them up on a platinum platter.

benjibopper said...

I feel you on the duvet cover one and the working from home one. But especially the duvet thing. They're like Chinese finger puzzles, but unintentionally so, I think.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

Oh, I hate it when people spill food without cleaning it up! People do that on the train all the time; it's totally gross.

The only time I pretended to like sports was when I did an internship for a major league soccer team; not only did I not like soccer, I also didn't know anything about it.

eric1313 said...

And right when i was thirsty too!

Now I'm hungry for nachos. I blame you, but lift no glass but the finest to you and yours.

Hope all is well, you take care now, OK?

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

~raises shield to avoid being speared~

choochoo said...

ah, haterade. It's so refreshing, it is. I think it's been about six year since I had a McAnything, so maybe I should pay them a visit one of these days. Maybe I'll get drunk first and then go pick on a hockey-barbie. Good times.

rik said...

@nachos

true ... when i worked in fast food, i always tried to "hook it up." however, a lot of places really bust your ass on how much cheese and other toppings to give.

Daisy said...

I haven't looked at my reader for AGES!!! What a shame - this is a great post! omgosh - I LOL'd!! I hear you on the nacho thing ... omgosh ...

I think a good dose of "haterade" or just plain ole' life rage is a great thing!

I don't think you sound bitter - I think you sound real :) And life is all about ups and downs - and venting a little rage is a healthy thing :)

I personally am all about hating airlines/airline attendants/the people who sit next to me on airplanes/and the people who refuse to stand up when the fasten your seatbelt sign finally goes off when you land and decide that because they're in the aisle seat they WILL control your destiny and they will sit there AS LONG AS THEIR FAT ASSES WANT - not letting you out (because you're in the window seat) and they will wait for EVERYONE behind us to pass before getting up.

Yep - I definitely hate me some of them. ;)

laurennicolelove.com said...

what up, lady! i need to ask you a question. mind shooting me an email at dropalovebomb@gmail.com?

- lauren xoxo

eric1313 said...

Hater's gon' hate... for reals...

Hope you and yours are doing fine in the land of cheese wheels and progressive politics.

Anonymous said...

Read this blogger's about me section....sounds familiar....http://mommyoutnumbered.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-opinion-of-my-readers-i-dont-know.html