Sunday, January 14, 2007

Bad asses of the ocean

Bad Ass # 1- Phacellophora camtschatica, aka. the fried egg jellyfish.
This guy is a cannibal! It uses its big poisonous tentacles to trap other innocent little jellyfish, and slowly pulls them in, letting them struggle hopelessly, until it eats them.

Bad ass #2- The Humboldt Squid
This vicious mofo also occasionally dabbles in cannabalism. And I quote: "The squid use the sharp, barbed suckers on their feeding tentacles to pierce the flesh of prey and drag it to their mouths where a fierce, baseball-sized beak tears it to shreds." Although they tend to focus on the more typical prey, like lanternfish and shrimp, they have been nicknamed "diablos rojos" ("red devils" in Spanish- side note, that sounds way more bad ass in spanish; side note #2- red devil was also the nickname of my evil 70s style metal framed backpack I used when backpacking though Costa Rica. That thing was a true bad ass), due to their tendencies to attack divers. They also flash several different colours when attacking. Some suggest this is due to vicious squid rage (that's the technical term).

Bad ass #3- California Mantis shrimp.
It was hard to find a picture of this guy! Every time I did a google image search, all I got back were images of shrimp cocktails and shrimp sandwiches. Although this guy doesn't look very tough, they are seriously hardcore. They are really antagonist and will fight off anything that threatens them- I saw one scare off a hungry octopus. Furthermore, their claws are faster than a .22 caliber bullet and can break through double safety glass. I'm pretty much hiring one as my bodyguard.

Bad ass #4- Wolf eel
Look at this guy! Do I even have to explain? He is totally making that sea cucumber his bitch! He also regularly dines on super spiny sea anemomes. And he has one hell of a heinous mug. Okay, so apparently the wolf eel is actually remarkably gentle and prefers to spend time at home with the missus than out whoopin' fish ass. I don't believe it. This guy totally eats whales for breakfast.

Bad ass #5- Nudibranch
This guy looks like a big mass of goo. But don't let its tame appearance fool you. It launches sneak attacks on tube anenomes. While most predators can't eat the tube anemones, because of their super venomous tentacles, the nudibranch rips them off, and through some super digestive process, eats them and somehow has the stinging cells transferred to their back for their own defense. Double burn to the anenome! And I watched these big lumps totally avoid a sneak attach by a big lumbering sea star.

Bad ass #6- Crown of thorns sea star
Look at it. Do I even need to explain?

So, yeah, the Duke and I went to see Deep Sea Imax in 3-D today , hence my wealth of knowledge. It was seriously one of the coolest things ever. Very highly recommended. It looked like jellyfish were inches from my face! The kids beside me were trying to battle off enormous octopii. I was giggling like a little girl when scallops ran away from bumbling sea stars, and I jumped when sharks came towards me.

Votes for the most bad ass??

Do you like how I'm pretending that someone actually reads my blog??

I'm totally going to make up alter-egos and vote.


Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

3 sounds pretty hardcore. If I wa engaged in an undersea cage match, I'd choose this guy/girl/asexual crustacean, purely because of the window-shattering claws.

LMizzle said...


Excuse me while I pass out with lust!

Also, this looks amazing, I want to see it!

Princess Pointful said...

Undersea cage match?
The WWE has nothing on that kind of brawl! The shrimp can totally take out Hulk Hogan. Even in his prime (now, it would be no challenge).

Trust me- Johnny Depp talking all sciencey is even hotter. Tell me more about sea turtles, baby!

LMizzle said...

My vote is for the Mantis Shrimp because it not only looks cool and is little, but their claws are faster than a bullet?! WTF!!!

Sadly the photo of the wolf eel won't open... :(

That makes me remember that there's a particularly ugly shark that I hate...I will look that up.

Also, I read your blog! I clicked as soon as you put up a linked profile!!! I was going to put a link to your blog on my blog but I didn't know if you wanted this blog to be super spy secrets still or not. Let me know about that one!

LMizzle said...

Wow, I am super fast. The ugliest sea creature I've seen in a while is the Goblin Shark!


Princess Pointful said...

I think I fixed the wolf eel pic!

You can definitely put a link to me on your blog! I am keeping this blog slightly covert, in that I don't really want my first name linked to it- just because otherwise anyone and their dog can find it via google with how distinct my name is, and I want a little freedom of expression. I still want to use it to link to other interesting folks, though. I'm happy I've managed to save it from utter obscurity!

The goblin shark is utterly foul!
It qualifies as bad ass due to it's brutal ugliness. And the fact that it's liver can weigh up to 25% of its body weight!

LMizzle said...

Yeah, welcome to the first work-term job I had and how I got fired for calling this asshole guy and asshole! Mike can tell you the grand tales of that...
It's a good call on the obscurity!

Princess Pointful said...

Actually, he did already tell me that story, and it was one of my inspirations.
Another friend of mine wrote about some lame guy who tried to ask her out. He then found the blog (probably proving his stalking potential), and was quite upset by what she said.

LMizzle said...

Ooooh, yeah that happened to a friend of mine as well! She had to delete the entire thing because an ex was reading it.
Also, the wolf eel is SIIICK. Gross.

Can you imagine if the wolf eel and goblin shark had babies?!

Princess Pointful said...

Ewww... with that gross mouth combined with that tremendous knife-like noses and superhuman liver?

We must ensure that geneticists never decide it is in humanity's best interest to create a wolf-goblin.