Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What do taxes, Ninja Turtles, and seaplanes have in common?

The answer: They have all pissed me off this week!
That's right, ladies and gentleman, it's time for Princess' weekly rant!

*cue theme music*

... hosted by none other than Guy Smiley!

#1- Seaplanes

This is probably the most boring and straightforward of the three. I took my first seaplane this weekend for a short 35 minute ride. As I generally don't have a problem with flying, and we were flying over a number of islands, I was actually quite excited about it.
But the reality.... ughhhhhhh.
The seats were tiny, so I was squished next to some businessman who didn't seem to understand the cardinal rule: Men, when seats are cramped, close your legs a little! The fellow behind me was text messaging the entire time, which made me a little anxious about the whole "cell phone signals can mess up a plane's instruments" thing. But, mostly, my head and stomach both felt like exploding for most of the ride.

#2- TMNT

In case you didn't know, that is the hip new acronym for everyone's favourite heroes in a half-shell, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
On the very same day as the evil seaplane, my guy convinced me that a worthwhile way to spend the rest of our afternoon would be by going to see this flick. I was a little reticent, remember less than stellar reviews, as well as generally not liking to let movie moguls cash in on my childhood memories, but agreed because he was so eager, and I thought a little mindless entertainment might be fun.

To give you a sense of this film's quality...

-It started with Leonardo saving poor Central American's from some evil warlord, and ended with a rap-rock song called "Shell Shocked" sang by some Linkin Park rip-off.

-The funniest line was a yo' momma joke.

-It was computer animated!! I was really hoping for live action with guys in turtle suits like the 90s films!

- A selection of the lines:
"Skateboarding the sewer pipe is better than boarding a half-pipe, dude!"- Michealangelo
"This has his name all over it." "How can you tell?" "Because it literally has his name all over it!"- Wow, Donatello, no one has ever used that line before!
And, my personal favourite.... "Come to Daddy!". Leonardo.... Arnie from 1992 called. He wants his line back.

#3- Taxes
This year was actually looking pretty reasonable for taxes. You'll never hear me say this again, but Stephen Harper actually helped me out this year by making scholarship income non-taxable, as grants and scholarship have made up the bulk of my income since I began grad school. I filed them on my own for the first time, and things were looking pretty good... I was getting some cash back, and I was also being able to hold onto a lot of my tuition credits to help me in future years, since my actual research assistant wages were pretty paltry.

I was just about to finish, when I got a warning about needing to enter my common-law partner's income. It turns out that, as I was technically common-law for part of the year, they actually want me to enter the portion of his income he made while we still lived together. This is frustrating for two reasons... first, I am lucky in that I was okay to just call him up and ask him a few questions... what about those who broke up on bad terms and now have to collaborate on their taxes? Second, because he made a lot more than my broke grad student ass (though, I do need to point out, he never touched my tuition or any of my half of the bills... we were very financially independent), adding his income means I actually need to pay taxes! I only made twelve thousand in actual wages last year, and I have to pay the government?!?!
So now I have to go and rearrange all my deduction and such to try to make the best of out this situation.

This is a particular point of contention for me. For one, once we made the decision to officially claim common law status, it always benefitted him (he got taxes back as a result of my tuition credits) and negatively impacted me (I couldn't get certain tax credits back, I barely got any money for my student loan because they decided that he was paying me more than the $0 I claimed). It really bothers me that this stupid decision is still haunting me!
Also, without getting into details, because bitching about your ex is so stupidly cliched and petty, he still owes me money... and now I'm paying taxes because of him? Gah!!!


Eve said...

Amen to the closing legs thing. Seriously! I don't care if you have to shift your balls or whatever, but close your fucking legs you entitled asshole!

LMizzle said...

I wish Guy Smiley reported all the news! He's way more entertaining than say...Pat O'Brien!

Also, TMNT will never be the same again if it's computer animated. Barf.

And finally, DANG. I didn't know common law status did all that! CRAPTASTIC! If you don't claim an ex on income tax, do the tax collectors fix that for you? I know that they will make corrections, but I wonder how they deal with bad breakups too...I mean, there's probably a lot of those every year...odd!

John said...

Goodfella his arse..."FUCK YOU, PAY ME!"

(Pleeeeeeease tell me you get this film reference!!)

If he doesn't pay, send round the heavies! I'd offer to go, but I'm about a fly weight.

Indiana James said...

For a moment there, I thought that #3 was Texas and not Taxes. Either or they both suck right now for various reasons. Too bad about the wide sitting dude. Hopefully he gets stuck in a window seat with a huge person beside him next time. I won't touch the TMNT thing. I'm waiting for the Transformers. :)

Beth said...

Re: your tax situation - time for an accountant? It just seems so wrong.

Nice to see Guy Smiley again - it's been a long time...

psychgrad said...

I've always tried doing my taxes both way (using Quick Tax) - as a single person and common-law...So, I thought we had the option to do either.

Jocelyn said...

I thought the seaplane was bad. Then I was sure the Ninja Turtles were awful. But then, o man, then the taxes came along. There has *got* to be a way out of that pickle; however, you might have to pay about $3,000 to someone to help you fix it.

Dorky Dad said...

Taxes are awful. At least that's what my wife tells me. And I'm a little annoyed at the turtles movie ... that they released one.

Princess Pointful said...

Eve- I know! It perplexes me how oblivious they can be, especially when I am so obviously squished and uncomfortable.

Lmizzle- Apparently they do fill it in if you don't provide the info (e.g. I said we split up, but didn't give an income estimate), though I don't know whether they will actively search to see if your status has changed or anything like that.

John- You keep on making these offers you can't keep! Moving, and now hitman services...

Indy J- I'm actually going to Texas in a few months, so you could be having a premonition!

Beth- Yeah, I think I may have to ask someone more in the know, because I'm feeling a little clueless.

Psycgrad- I think the problem is that we made the choice to do common law the past few years, so we aren't supposed to just switch it around. It would probably be easier if he hadn't already filed as such this year.

Jocelyn- I did quite the skilled build-up, didn't I? yeah, I hope someone can give me a little more advice. Extra taxes is too much of a hassle with moving expense coming up.

Dorky D- Agreed on both counts. Though TMNT was theoretically a kids movie, it really couldn't decide if it was a kids' film or one targeted at the adults who watched it as a child. Bah.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

That's a real shame about the Turtles movie.

Visually, it looked like it might be pretty good.

Curse you, dialog.

The Butterfly Bar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Butterfly Bar said...

The best part of TMNT was a Yo Yo Ma joke? Ohhh.. you said yo mama. That's pretty sad. Good thing I didn't see it!

In Michigan you have to live with a person for five years before common law takes effect. Both are considered single and file taxes as such until then.

But in Texas, get this. Common law is right away, but what's more, if you live with a person for one year or longer, you are considered by the state to be married! Then if you want to break up, after thirteen months of living with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to get a divorce. Understandably, it's women who really suffer because of this.

Off to hunt for a job. Thanks for the comments at the Butterfly Bar!

And check out my short story! It my Halloween spectacular! But I'll have a poem up tonight, I promise.

Peace out.