Monday, April 2, 2007

Maybe I am unconsciously a scheming temptress?

Maybe I am just a little blind to the games my gender supposedly plays and immune to what is supposed to be my driving motivations?

As you all know, I live alone, and am moving to a new suite next month (side note- I went for a stroll in my new neighbourhood today after signing my lease and I absolutely adore it!). This is actually a bit of a milestone for me. Though (obviously if you can read as far as a sentence back) I have lived alone and done all the bill-paying and such, this is the first place I've ever picked out solely on my own, by my own criteria... and it feels really good. It will certainly be more of my home than my current apartment, which I've been yearning to leave for ages, and is all tangled up in memories of the past.

Apparently this accomplishment is a little lost on people, as people seem entirely too perplexed over why one would move, from a place one lives by one's self, to another place, where one will continue living by one's self. I have been dodging the "are you moving in with your boyfriend?" question for the past month or so, which then, of course, leads to some explanation I don't want to give about why not (we've only been together for 6 or 7 months, people, what is the hurry? Do I really need to explain our needs for independence and the next step our relationship is poised to take with every casual acquiantance?)

Fair enough, I suppose, in the sense that a whole lot of people rush into cohabitation in a hurry these days (while, ironically, being petrified of marriage).

However, what takes the cake is one person's recent theory.
Despite having been witness to a conversation in which I stated that I would not want to move in with my boyfriend for at least another year, this fellow recently confided in my guy that he thought I really wanted to move in with him.
His reasoning? I am moving into an area of town where my boyfriend once lived.
Let's ignore the fact that I *gasp* moved into an affordable and charming area of town close to transit and shopping, and that I have been talking about moving close to that area since I did a practicum in the area two summers ago.
Would anyone really think me to be so pathetic as to sign a year lease in a secret plot to convince my boyfriend to move in with me? Doesn't anyone believe that I actually want to live alone? Or that I would, I don't know, say, talk to him about it rather than enacting said plot?

Or does renting my own place at the age of 25 condemn me to a life of spinsterhood that I should be more desperately trying to avoid?


LMizzle said...

You should show up to his door in a wedding gown! Ha!

I frigging love that area that you're moving into. Oh man. So many period homes. I love it!

John said...

Do you think it would help if you had more bran in your diet?

I only ask this because I have no idea what area you're moving into. Not only that, but it's substantially safer than getting involved in discussions as to if a woman is a "schemer" or not.

Bran seemed like a safer topic to me.

Ant said...

Women do indeed scheme, plot and do all kinds of crazy shit to net or further en-mesh their man into their lives. I have absolutely no doubt about that.

But not this woman. You're doing just fine, and I don't think you've got some evil plot afoot. :o) You're just taking it easy and living your life the way you want...

(For the record, I absolutely *love* living on my own - though this is possibly one of the contributing factors to my continuing single-ness...)

Eve said...

Hahaha. It's amazing how archaic people's gender thinking is.

Do you just tell people you want to live in a more vibrant neighborhood? That's totally reasonable. Also, regarding your guy's friend's plot theory, some guys really have NO idea about the inner workings of women (and men too, I suspect), and are generally a bad influence on them. Be honest with him (which it sounds like you are) and he'll (hopefully) be more resistant to his doofus of a friend's crackpot ideas (why the hell would you move into an area he once lived in to get him to move in with you? That's ridiculous!) on the conspiracy of women. And some PEOPLE scheme, but you are clearly not one of them.

iFreud said...

Living alone ROCKS. If something ever happens to my existing marriage, rest assured, I shall never marry or cohabitate again.

Three words:

claw foot tub.

You GO girl.

Indiana James said...

Your guy's friend needs a slap upside the head with a wet fish. Can't wait for my place to get built. Where are you moving to? Sounds like a nice place from the description.

Abbey said...

I hope hope hope that living alone at 25 is not entry into spinsterhood. I'm turning 30 this month and it's just me and the cat (crazy cat lady jokes aside...).

Tip to determine if someone's trying to move in with you: Stuff being moved into your house...not stuff being moved into another apartment. You sound like you're doing the opposite of moving in.


The Duke said...

I see many, many cats in your future!

Princess Pointful said...

Lmizzle- Yes! Great idea! I'll tell him on our next date that I am working on our vows!

John- Bran is always a worthwhile topic of conversation.

Ant- I'm glad you've excluded me so kindly from the category of "most women"!

Eve- Exactly! Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about this fooling my guy. We actually had a conversation a few months prior in which I told him that we were going to make a pact that moving in together would not even be in the cards when I got a new place in May, so that neither of us had to worry about any subtle hinting (like my choice of neighbourhoods!)

iFreud- Agreed! I am going to have the most epic baths ever!

Indy J- Oooohhh, did you buy a place? Exciting! Are you at all familiar with Vancouver? I'm just on the west side of town.

Abbey- Ha ha! That would be too logical for a scheming woman such as myself!

Duke- So you mean you're not moving in, then?

eric1313 said...

Yup, it condemns you to not only spinsterdom, but a life of being the insane South Park cat lady, as well...

Everything you said goes to show that modes of thought have not changed so much as we would be led to believe. People still see a woman as being co-dependent on a man to be "complete". You know how old the idea of separate halves is? I was reading Plato's Symposium the other day, and in it, Aristophanes, who was one of the speakers at a banquet held in Agathon's honor, claimed we were once one sex. A third sex that was both, that the name for this sex is now (in his time) a vulgar insult (wow, even back then? Hermaphrodite was the word, too...).

The Gods saw theses beings as being too independent, so they cleaved them asunder and Apollo stitched each together to be separate--except for a part on each that would fit correspondingly into and around each other. That would be the only connection left. These beings would only know dependence.

Luckily, Socrates put these guys all to shame by the end of the dinner. He explained that love is not just a love of beautiful things, but a love for that which we cannot have--and boiled that down to immortality in one form or another, whether for our words and teachings (which he has attained), or for our children--and really, they also carry on our words and teachings, so it is the immortality of ideas and creations both.

That's why I love this quote:
And when he has brought forth (literally, "given birth to") and reared this perfect virtue, he shall be called the friend of god, and if ever it has been given to a man to put on immortality, it shall be given to him.

Note the conspicuous absence of the words 'her' or 'she'. Each speaker at this banquet also made mention at least once of the term 'boy love'. I was hearkened back to your post about 300.

And of course I meant the April archives! If I ever was to go out to your part of the country, I would politely ask if you wanted to meet for a Big Gulp sized cup of cappuccino. Surprises never go over well, at least not like that.

Beside, I's beez a po boy, and the only way I'd get out that way would be by hitchhiking. Probably not happening. But your response made me laugh, regardless.