Friday, May 4, 2007

History repeating itself

Here's the pattern:
Princess takes way too much onto her plate
(say, over the past month, having finals, ethics orals, doing therapy, moving and her first conference talk, while most grad students are on their holidays between spring and summer semester).
She does relatively well, and though she may complain about being stressed out and wanting it to be over, these complaints remain relatively innocuous (remember, her whole schtick is appearing overly in control).
Then, say, a day or two before it is all schedule to be over, the veneer cracks just a little.
Say, for instance, she has a few glasses of wine and gets a little grumpy.
Then she hates herself for even getting a little grumpy.
Then she realizes that the reason she is a little grumpy is because she hasn't had a break in ages.
Then she has to apologize frantically for being justifiably grumpy, and gets really mad at herself for not being able to handle the stress.

I sometimes think an overachieving and overanalytic grad student is one of the worst things in the world.

Ignorance and simplicity-- or even just 9 to 5-- feel like they might be utter bliss.


Ant said...

Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday! Go on holiday!


Beth said...

Being in control takes its toll. (Yes, I know that rhymes.)
Be kind to yourself. Allow for (and accept) the rants and the grumpy times. Think of them as stress relievers. NO GUILT.

(And do take a break...)

Jocelyn said...

They are. Utter bliss, I mean.

The simplicity and lack of analytical thinking.

There are reasons why I'm always so content.

Anyhow, you sound amazing. But, yes, do give yourself a break. The wine is a nice start.

Indiana James said...

Who are you keeping it all together for? You've gotta take care of yourself first and foremost. I did too much of what you're describing to myself last year and the final result was not a pleasant one. So this year, a little less control of things I can't control, and more of what I can, like a 3 and a half week vacation in Europe in just over a month. : )

Dorky Dad said...

I hear you.

I've often though that ignorance and simplicity would be the way to go.

Though I somehow feel I'd just get myself into an entirely different bunch of problems. (sigh)

Airam said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I can only imagine how time consuming your program is. If this isn't a sign that you need some R and R then I don't know what is. Listen to your body. The work isn't going anywhere and will be there when you're all rejuvinated. Once this whirl-wind of work and deadlines is done, take a break for a couple of days.

eric1313 said...

You are quite obviously able to handle the stress. This is your process. Nothing wrong with justifiable grumpiness at all.

Hang in there, friend.

And of course, I was saying don't come by, just if you were bust don;t feel bad about it.

I'm about to turn in for the night.

Peace be upon you, as they say.

eric1313 said...

Busy. If you were busy...

don't worry.

Look at me, worrying...

Good lord am I tired.