Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Why I am not a yoga goddess


1) I don't do yoga in a studio on a real yoga mat. I instead close my blinds, move my coffee tables, and roll out my enormous foamie that my cat used to use as a scratching post.

2) Rather than using an immaculate pair of Lulu Lemons, I do yoga in my floral pajamas.
Though I do own a pair of yoga pants... from Wal-Mart. They're about a sixth of the price of "real" yoga pants! Though they aren't quite as amenable to being worn in public.

3) I'm not very coordinated or flexible. I gasp when lifting my legs above my head. Though yoga is all about improving that, right?

4) The lingo they use makes me giggle. Am I really supposed to related to my spine as a blade of grass and my inner force as a sunset? These sound like the metaphors I used when I wrote overwrought poetry at 14!

5) Serious men in speedos doing complicated stretches and deep breathing also make me giggle. Honestly, Rodney Yee, would a pair of real shorts constrain you that much? After all, this is a beginner tape, so it's likely not especially strenuous for you.

12 comments:

SMARTBuddy said...

Those speedo-wearing men are taking over!
Image googling Rodney Yee told me all I needed to know- lunges in speedos! (except he calls it a far more manly 'Warrior Pose 2')

EA said...

I'm impressed you can lift your legs above your head! Brava... yoga-in-your-florals-on chicka!

Princess Pointful said...

SmartBuddy- There will never be anything warrior like about speedo lunges.

ea- Thanks for dropping by :)! I guess I should qualify my statement (I didn't even think of this)-- I was doing ab yoga yesterday, so most of it was lying down or reclining. I'm not enough of a yoga goddess to do so standing up or sitting straight!

Dorky Dad said...

Oh yeah, yoga totally makes me laugh. I tried yoga for a while -- and may do it again -- at the very least for the humor value. We have a DVD with great quotes like "it's our old friend down-dog!" and "It's a whole new BACK!"

And Wal-Mart sells yoga pants???

Jocelyn said...

But, damn, don't you feel all nice and cleaned out when it's done (except for the lingering images of Yee?).

I yuv yoga.

Ant said...

You still on the speed m'deer? :o)

paramour said...

Some of those convuluted poses prevent me from even attempting yoga--I'll stick with my taekwondo classes. They've got their own whackiness, but I can at least deal with those AND I get the added bonus of not seeing any speedo-wearing men! ;)

Beth said...

You're my kind of "yogist." Would have enjoyed having you in my class to share a laugh whenever I couldn't hold a pose - which was most of the time.

EA said...

Ahem, ::embarrassed blush::, still impressed...

Eve said...

Meh, all those accoutrements are unnecessary anyway.

Indiana James said...

It was all I could not to laugh aloud when I observed my first yoga class. The weird huffing and grunting just about set me off. Then I tried it. I nearly cried.

As for the guys and the shorty tight shorts... Eeew. No need to have the close up shot during the lunge... Bad bad bad.

Drama Div@ said...

i bought a yoga mat in march last year... with the dvd.... it still remains unopened...