Friday, November 23, 2007

A day in the life of (or if you could randomly read my thoughts!)

2am- *very half asleep and likely still dreaming* Since I have to get up soon, I will just turn off my alarm clock.

7am-What the hell happened to my alarm clock?
I don't know if I can convince myself to get out of bed with no snooze button primer.

8:01am- I like grass so much better when it is frosty. Now we just need frozen puddles and I would be content.

8:11am- Why is that man wearing a Backstreet Boys cowboy had, blue-tinted sunglasses, and a fur coat on the bus? Do pimps ride the bus at 8 in the morning?
Fuck! I just made accidental eye contact with him! Pretend to be very interested in your horoscope.

8:40am- Coffee, or get to class on time??
It doesn't even matter if I get to class on time if I have no coffee.
Decision made.

8:41am- Damn! Everyone made the same decision as me!

8:42am- The cashier really needs to stop flirting with Americano girl now.

1:45pm- Is a pizza bagel and a fruit cup really such a bad idea for lunch? Even if the pizza bagel looks midly radioactive?

2:00pm- Snarky research assistant needs to shove it. My lab, sweetie, not yours.

2:05pm- Why is it, when I only have half an hour to get work done before another class, Mr. Self-Disclosure is in the office? And why is it this week that his younger brother came to visit, and was surprised to see the condition of his mother, who Mr. Self-Disclosure has been trying to convince for years to change her life-style, but she says the doctor doesn't agree, but he thinks she misinterpreted the doctor's orders.....

4:45pm- To help learn a structure diagnostic interview, I am pretending to be an agoraphobic, arachniphobic, bipolar, psychotic individual with generalized anxiety disorder and somatization disorder.
I should really try to make a convincingly back story. And maybe stretch the acting muscles again.

5:55pm- It is hilarious that I spontaneously added restless leg syndrome to that list.
Must stop laughing at own joke.

6:35pm- My hands are cold and the bus is late. I hate bus drivers for their little warm shelters with toilets and vending machines. I want a vending machine. And a friendly pet polar bear to snuggle with.

6:50pm- Must resist temptation to turn around and yell at the teenagers on the bus to "Get a goddamn thesaurus!" after they use "fuckin" as a descriptive word for the twentieth time in two minutes.
I hate my iPod for being dead.

7:11pm- Damn! Missed the stop for my supervisor's house!

7:13pm- How is it that I am always wandering by myself down random roads when I am late for events?
And why I am 25, yet have never owned a car?

7:22pm- Sweet! Pizza, wine, and spinach dip!

7:45pm- *on first glass of wine*
I can't believe R. brought a journal article to the lab party.

7:56pm- I can't believe I am debating the journal article with him.

8:15pm- Must remember quote. "I'm the best pseudo-boyfriend ever." Possible quote of the day status.

8:33pm- *on second glass of wine*
I can't believe R. just brought up spontaneously that he used to eat pot cake with muscle relaxants in it.
Is he implying that I am a nerd for never having abused muscle relaxants?

8:45pm- And how is he offended when I joked that he snorted muscle relaxants? Did I cross the "abusing prescription drugs" line?

9:07pm- *on third glass of wine*
I can't believe my supervisor is telling stories about someone performing some sort of sexual act in front of him as he was lecturing.

10:05pm- Skedaddle is a fabulous word. I need to use it way more often.

10:20pm- Maybe L is right and K really does have a tape worm. And maybe a parasite isn't such a bad idea if it would allow me to eat as much as she does and look that good.

10:40pm- Lab party ended way too early. Now I am at home on a Friday night with the boy out of town. Should I do the dishes I desperately need to do?

10:41pm- No. I should blog and play Paper Mario.


To be fair, this is actually a combination of Thursday and Friday's thoughts. This morning I slept in longer than I should to spend the morning with my guy before he went out of town... but you guys didn't want to hear my sappy (slash dirty) thoughts.


All Mod Cons said...

What a mixture! Worst part, having a dead iPod...especially with inbred youths on a bus being so close. Nightmare!

And yes, rather glad you left out the last part! ;-)

distracted spunk said...

My ipod always dies at the most inopportune time.

Also. I'd be a little weirded out about my supervisor telling sexual stories. I hope your weekend is pleasantly cheerful and sexful!

Ant said...

8.31am - "ooh yeah, that's it, that's it... nnngggh"

Am I close? (Or maybe that's the next quote... :-) )


That little stream of consciousness was delightful - especially the anxious agoraphobic arachnaphobe...

Lisa said...

As fascinating as your thoughts of the day are, especially the 4:45pm one, I'm stuck on Paper Mario. I'm embarrassingly excited. Will Google now.

eric1313 said...

Princess--your post reads like a Bukowski poem, but without all the self-loathing. And with all the hilarious, unflattering observations of others. This is a good thing.

Love all the stuff at the lab group party. Wine and an unspecified sex act performed in full view of the instructor? Gotta hand it to them... Oh, wait. I get the impression somebody already did that.

I've said it, and I've heard it said by others recently and quite often--your writing is always fun to read. Rock on, you!

brookem said...

ha, geeze, you had a busy day! my ipod is dead too, and i hate it!

Miriam said...

skedaddle is a spectacular word :)

Beth said...

Your mind is a beautiful thing...

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

My iPod died and remained dead for an entire year. I was too cheap to buy a new one and I suffered mightily. Recently, however, I coughed up the money to buy the new Nano. It changed my life.

PS - You've definitely been added to my Google Reader which, incidentally, is about to explode. Love your stuff!

Jamie said...

Friendly pet polar bears.

I think everyone probably wants one! Well at least I do.

Miriam D said...

Your thoughts are amusing and hilarious! and kind of like mine. I really like you and your blog, the more I read, the more I enjoy!!

Airam said...

I use 'fuckin' as descriptor words as well. Me thinks I could use the thesaurus too!!

Hope said...

Skedaddle is an awesome word! Right, I'm going to try use it in a sentence today.

Yoda said...

It must be a futile exercise for a guy to pen down the thoughts for the day. Every 1 minute we'd have to insert -- "How does ___'s boobies look?"

skedaddle is an awesome word!

Indiana James said...

Your 4:45 is like my work day. Expect those are sometimes the people I work with!!! : P

Damn the dying iPod, ruined so many a good vibe and prolonged so many more painful ones.

libby said...

haha! hilarious PP!! also, accidental eye contact is so weird, eh?

Jocelyn said...

The word "skedaddle" gets even better on the fourth glass of wine. Try it.

I like about you that you're 25 and have never had a car. The world should be so lucky that this were true of Britney Spears, too.

NamesAreHardToPick said...

Pseudo-boyfriend has to be the greatest description of someone ever. Loved it!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I know you wanted to jump the *Backstreet Cowboy*!

nicoleantoinette said...

Haha, I can't even imagine what a similar record of my thoughts would be like. Maybe I should try it sometime. Thanks for the inspiration!

ps- I LOVE spinach dip. (and wine)

Princess of the Universe said...

I have nothing to add other than: that got funnier and funnier the further your day progressed.
Oh yeah, and I too find my own jokes WAY funnier than I should. :P

Princess Pointful said...

Look! Look! I'm responding to your comments two posts in a row... (as if anyone even checks)

AMC- Admittedly, I sometimes secretely pause my iPod to eavesdrop on hooligans... but then I at least have the choice of blocking them out!

Spunkster ;)- Thankfully, it did not involve him.
Not so thankfully, my guy is out of town, so the weekend wasn't nearly sexful enough. Sorry, TMI, I know!

Ant- Nnnnggggh?? That is approximately the least sexy sound on the planet!

Lisa- Paper Mario amazing. Seriously.

Eric- Much thanks! This was a new style for me... I'm glad you liked!

BrookeM- Such is my life! I am so reliant on my iPod... I get so bored when it is dead.

Miriam- It is! Do you think I can work it into the paper I'm working on?

Beth- Thanks :). To me, it is a little awkward and odd at times.

Lil' Irish Lass- You've been added to mine, too! I really like your blog!

Jamie- As long as they are okay with eating what I make for dinner instead of, you know, humans.

Miriam D- Yayyyy! You are a great writer, so I appreciate the complement!

Airam- Tsk, tsk, teacher. Do you teach English with that mouth?

Hope- How did the mission go?

Yoda- That must be tremendously distracting ;)

Indy- I bet you have some good stories. I told you I'm going forensic assessments now, right?

Libby- I hate it. I'm always scared people are going to call me on it, so I come up with logical stories about why I would be looking at them!

Jocelyn- Alas, I'm also lacking a red vinyl catsuit and a marriage to KFed.

Names- Haha, unfortunately, I can't take credit for that one!

Princess E- Well, with that cowboy hat, he was pretty much asking for it....

Nicole- I wouldn't mind trying it again with some active effort from the get go... this was just a recap when I got the idea at the end of the day.
And spinach dip is soooo delicious.

Princess of the Universe- It is so embarassing when you just can't stop giggling at something you said!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Such is the realities and banalities of life.

Still, yours doesn't sound TOO bad.
There are worse to spend your days :)

I was reminded slightlt of Joyce's Ulysses

singleton said...

Oh, this is too funny! Please let R know if he keeps eating pot cakes/brownies/pies he will grow up to be hippie!

Eve said...

I like the restless leg syndrome. That would make acting it out so much more fun! Remember that Seinfeld in which Kramer is the best fake symptom actor?
Also, so funny about the muscle relaxant laced pot brownies. How is that appropriate?

All Mod Cons said...

Hey, I check comment replies!

david mcmahon said...

Came here from Eric's blog. As a writer, I love your "Get a goddamn thesaurus!" line.

LN Jonesy said...

I, like you, had so many responses, but I just kept reading and reading and reading, mainly because it's friday night and the singles scene is so dead that i'd rather just get drunk on a 14 dollar bottle of gin and solve the square root of pi before i go to bed....which is secret code for masturbate.
i've already revealed too much.
and the guy should've totally been NOT offended by the snorting pills joke.....i mean....he brought it up. and it's funny......

personally, i think they should sneak birth control and xanax into our water supply.....or at least mine.

to this weakend and the spectral fires that follow,

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Faculty / Supervisors + Liquor + Grad Students = Hilarity...and some uncomfortable moments.

Been there, done that, kept the pictures.