Some more confessions:
-The first time I got drunk, it was off tequila, with french onion crackers as chasers. I was with my much cooler cousin, who had been drunk several times before, so I was too embarassed to tell her it was my first time. Instead, I choked back the tequila and tried to keep a smile on my face, like this was something I'd done many a times before.
- I never return my DVDs on time. I used to live right by a chain that allowed up to a month with no late fees... and they spoiled me. I don't think I have ever went to rent a video over the past few months without cringing when they tell me how much I owe. And the store is only 4 blocks away!
- With regards to my prior post on smart girl stereotypes... my ex really did have me convinced for a while that being intelligent and opinionated was a bad thing. I'd always been told I was too modest about things, so it was such a slap in the face to be denigrated for the one thing I felt I could express any confidence in.
Our last fight was about when I dared to disagree with him in public about politics... in front of all of his guy friends (I was the only girl present, making it even more courageous for me to feel like speaking up), he got up, and patted me on the head. Like a dog. As though I was there to be seen, not heard. Although we dragged it out for another month, that really was the end.
It was painful to realize that someone I'd spent six years with cared so little about the real me and so much about how I appeared to others.
- I loathe doing the dishes. There is in fact a sink full of suds waiting for me... and I "suddenly" had a burst of bloggie inspiration.
- I always faked an orgasm with my first sexual partner because I thought that was what you were supposed to do.
- Too much of my identity is wrapped up in being the person people go to for support. I actually get offended when a friend doesn't confide in me-- yet I have noticed that I don't confide in many people at all. Maybe I bring the psychologist role too much into my day-to-day life.
- I'm a bit of a neurotic monogamist. I'm either single, or not. I've only ventured into dating once, when I was in my first year of college, when I dated two guys occasionally during the same month. It was a bit of a mess, as one couldn't grasp the notion that I had asked him out and told him I wasn't looking for anything serious, yet I wouldn't sleep with him, while the other just couldn't get around that I didn't want to be his girlfriend, and kept on acting as though I wanted to .
(Excerpt of conversation-
Him: I'm so sorry I never called you.
Me: That's okay, you'll notice I didn't call you either.
Him: It's just that I can't really get into anything serious right now.
Me: Neither can I. I told you that before.
And so forth....)
- I am blessed with lots of amazing close friends, but ever since I was burned really badly by my best friend of 9 years when I was 19, I have no one best friend. As such, I hold back on relying too much on any one person... I try to balance it out across various friends, which doesn't feel natural at all.
On a completely different tangent...
So I've been tagged by the lovely tbf.love for a musical meme aka. psychic experiment. If anything, it should be good for a few giggles and a secret look into my iTunes, however embarassing!
1. Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Lesson learned- Ray LaMontagne
(sounds like a bit of a guilt trip!)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Only Got One- Frou Frou
(no multiple personalities for me, apparently)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Real Men- Tori Amos
(haha!! No metrosexuals for me!)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Morning Sun- The Beautiful Girls
(though I didn't see it... ahhh, sleep)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
The Drugs Don't Work- the Verve
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Coo Coo Bird- Be Good Tanyas
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Handle with Care- Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
(wow... that's inspiring. Apparently I'm vulnerable!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Soft Revolution- Stars
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dreamworld- Rilo Kiley
(I am a daydreamer)
WHAT IS 2+2?
Secret Spell- Tori Amos
(the answer is apparently not so simple)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Good Feeling- Jack Johnson
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Me and Mr. Jones- Amy Winehouse
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Only Happy When it Rains- Garbage
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Apres Moi- Regina Spektor
(I want to be after me when I grow up?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Better Be Heaven- Stars
(he better be!)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
You Can't Always Get What you Want- Rolling Stones
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
505- Arctic Monkeys
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Walk Alone- Jack Johnson
(seems a bit appropriate)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Pacific Theme- Broken Social Scene
(I do like the ocean)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Uphill Battle- Sarah McLachlan
(This is really making me sound depressed)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Grass is Green- Nelly Furtado
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Please me Like You Want to- Ben Harper
And five people to tag...
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Some more confessions: