Sunday, November 25, 2007

Please me like you want to (read to the very end before you judge!)

Some more confessions:

-The first time I got drunk, it was off tequila, with french onion crackers as chasers. I was with my much cooler cousin, who had been drunk several times before, so I was too embarassed to tell her it was my first time. Instead, I choked back the tequila and tried to keep a smile on my face, like this was something I'd done many a times before.

- I never return my DVDs on time. I used to live right by a chain that allowed up to a month with no late fees... and they spoiled me. I don't think I have ever went to rent a video over the past few months without cringing when they tell me how much I owe. And the store is only 4 blocks away!

- With regards to my prior post on smart girl stereotypes... my ex really did have me convinced for a while that being intelligent and opinionated was a bad thing. I'd always been told I was too modest about things, so it was such a slap in the face to be denigrated for the one thing I felt I could express any confidence in.
Our last fight was about when I dared to disagree with him in public about politics... in front of all of his guy friends (I was the only girl present, making it even more courageous for me to feel like speaking up), he got up, and patted me on the head. Like a dog. As though I was there to be seen, not heard. Although we dragged it out for another month, that really was the end.
It was painful to realize that someone I'd spent six years with cared so little about the real me and so much about how I appeared to others.

- I loathe doing the dishes. There is in fact a sink full of suds waiting for me... and I "suddenly" had a burst of bloggie inspiration.

- I always faked an orgasm with my first sexual partner because I thought that was what you were supposed to do.

- Too much of my identity is wrapped up in being the person people go to for support. I actually get offended when a friend doesn't confide in me-- yet I have noticed that I don't confide in many people at all. Maybe I bring the psychologist role too much into my day-to-day life.

- I'm a bit of a neurotic monogamist. I'm either single, or not. I've only ventured into dating once, when I was in my first year of college, when I dated two guys occasionally during the same month. It was a bit of a mess, as one couldn't grasp the notion that I had asked him out and told him I wasn't looking for anything serious, yet I wouldn't sleep with him, while the other just couldn't get around that I didn't want to be his girlfriend, and kept on acting as though I wanted to .
(Excerpt of conversation-
Him: I'm so sorry I never called you.
Me: That's okay, you'll notice I didn't call you either.
Him: It's just that I can't really get into anything serious right now.
Me: Neither can I. I told you that before.
And so forth....)

- I am blessed with lots of amazing close friends, but ever since I was burned really badly by my best friend of 9 years when I was 19, I have no one best friend. As such, I hold back on relying too much on any one person... I try to balance it out across various friends, which doesn't feel natural at all.

***

On a completely different tangent...


So I've been tagged by the lovely tbf.love for a musical meme aka. psychic experiment. If anything, it should be good for a few giggles and a secret look into my iTunes, however embarassing!

The Rules:

1. Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Lesson learned- Ray LaMontagne
(sounds like a bit of a guilt trip!)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Only Got One- Frou Frou
(no multiple personalities for me, apparently)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Real Men- Tori Amos
(haha!! No metrosexuals for me!)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Morning Sun- The Beautiful Girls
(though I didn't see it... ahhh, sleep)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
The Drugs Don't Work- the Verve
(that's depressing!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Coo Coo Bird- Be Good Tanyas

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Handle with Care- Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
(wow... that's inspiring. Apparently I'm vulnerable!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Soft Revolution- Stars

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dreamworld- Rilo Kiley
(I am a daydreamer)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Secret Spell- Tori Amos
(the answer is apparently not so simple)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Good Feeling- Jack Johnson
:)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Me and Mr. Jones- Amy Winehouse
(huh?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Only Happy When it Rains- Garbage
(wow, depressing)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Apres Moi- Regina Spektor
(I want to be after me when I grow up?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Better Be Heaven- Stars
(he better be!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
You Can't Always Get What you Want- Rolling Stones
(haha! Damn!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
505- Arctic Monkeys

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Walk Alone- Jack Johnson
(seems a bit appropriate)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Pacific Theme- Broken Social Scene
(I do like the ocean)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Uphill Battle- Sarah McLachlan
(This is really making me sound depressed)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Grass is Green- Nelly Furtado

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Please me Like You Want to- Ben Harper
(oh dear)

And five people to tag...
Yoda
Libby
Miriam
Frog Princess
Ashley

30 comments:

libby said...

sweet! first comment! and as i was reading this meme i was all, what a coooool concept!! i'll def get to this one soon!!

and about the orgasm fake-age?! so. funny!!

Michelle said...

i think it's common to fake it with your first. i did. damn i wish it wouldn't have been for three years! ;)

but really? we didn't know what we were missing then!

Yoda said...

Quite the eclectic collection, you have, Princess!

I haven't heard many of those songs, and is definitely something to try out. Though I'm scared shitless about this tag, you know my reggaton dark side might just come out! LOL!

I have a friend who is a psychologist too ... she's always giving unwanted advice. Like the other day she told me that if I put up a Facebook profile photo with me wearing sunglasses, it means that I'm defensive. WTF? She needs to feel my defensive karate chop!!

Pretty hard for a guy to fake an orgasm. Yea ...

Yoda said...

OMG - I totally didn't imply that you give unwanted advice!

(that's my defensive side coming out!)

Yoda said...

I'm spamming you now. But two more things to say:

1) Have you noticed that you've now disappeared from Google searches? The only references are on other people's sites and on BlogHer.

2) My ex used to get all upset if I ever debated the other side of the issue. All she ever wanted to do is agree on certain issues. I find agreement kinda dull, even though you may agree on something, there can ALWAYS be differing reasons WHY you agree. She used to get all worked up and thought I was being against her or something ... and God forbid I disagreed in public! She'd rip my head off. I'm so glad now how things worked out :-D

Airam said...

I don't have a best friend either. Same kind of deal as you.

distracted spunk said...

Um. Haha. I like doing the dishes. But that might be because of my dishwasher fiasco.

Also. I can understand the complications of dating more than one guy at a time.

And lastly, Blockbuster was in the storefront of my apartment building. I passed it on my way to work every day. Or even to just get to the subway. Remembering to bring the DVDs with me? A whole new ballgame. So. I can sympathize.

Mrs4444 said...

Maybe I'm revealing something scary, but I do the same thing with friends (don't rely on one for everything and kinda spread myself around). I feel okay with it though, because I've learned that friends, as wonderful as they are, are sometimes not what you've imagined they are. If I don't have too many expectations and I accept what they give me, I find that when the facade cracks (which is sometimes does), I am not so crushed this way. I just learned the hard way.

nicoleantoinette said...

I loved doing the musical meme too! Oh psychic itunes...

I was the same way the first (few) times I got drunk. Why couldn't I just admit that I hadn't done it before? Why are so many things exactly like this??

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

What an awesome idea for a meme!

Ashley said...

Omg I love you. You know me so well. This meme? NO BRAIN WORK! And totally fun! Thanks girl! I honestly moaned when you told me that i had a meme to do because i have 2 others of things people dont know about me and i was like shit i have to think.

And faking it? Oh yeah, for the first 4 years, 3 of which i was in a relationship. The first orgasm? I had my first orgasm almost a year ago. TMI, yes, but hey, thats what i'm here for.

Airam said...

What is your life's purpose?

The Drugs Don't Work

I guess that would explain why you're becoming a psychologist as opposed to a psychiatrist!

Ant said...

That tag is hilarious! There is a bit of a dark theme coming out though isn't there...

Patronising seems to be the last bastion of the insecure or the uncertain - I recall something similar when a previous relationship of mine was in the death throes. However, your man patting you on the head - he should totally have lost his hand for that.

Or perhaps you should have publicly announced that you were faking it with him too (whether you were or not). That'd learn him...

eric1313 said...

It never works when a guy fakes an orgasm. Let me tell ya...

LOL!!!!!!!!! Never works... I kill me. Dead. Oh god, don't let me hit publish on this one...

I dropped by when there were 2 comments, I decided I should post first (short and sweet, like a faked orgasm), and I came back to see twelve comments.

You have people on the edge of their office chairs! That's the power of your writing. Glad you aren't under anyone's thumb.

I loved the bit about the guys not noticing that you didn't want anything serious. That's so like men, to pretend to be cool and nonchalant at all costs--even their own.

And I don;t have an ipod or music on my hard drive, I just have an old fashioned CD collection, but I was listening to Hendrix's Electric Ladyland while reading and responding. Gypsy Eyes is playing as we speak. Or type, rather...

Peace out!

Miriam said...

I did it, but I didn't do it...mwah ha ha!

http://lspoon.wordpress.com

brookem said...

i'm so sorry to hear that your ex treated you with such... disrespect. that must have been so... frustrating. (i'm not sure why i'm using so many "...'s"?) anywho, i quite like your music choices!

Beth said...

You are definitely well out of that past relationship. I cringe just thinking of the pat on the head.

cdp said...

Amen Michelle on the faking. We totally didn't know what we were missing! And doing it back then . . . I totally get it. But why do adult women do this? It's like, for one thing; you're totally not enjoying yourself, and for another? You're convincing your partner that you are! Thereby reinforcing all that lackluster performance that's not getting you anywhere. Le sigh. I do not understand.

Anyhoo, I think our exes are the same person. Fucks with your head, don't it?

Glad to be back and catching up with you guys. Missed you!

xoxo

DG said...

I HATE HATE HATE doing dishes. And for some reason, there are ALWAYS dishes to be done!

Lisa said...

Now that's a fun meme. You have excellent taste in music and are insanely hilarious. :) Heart. you.

Miriam D said...

The part about you needing your friends to confide in you? Me too. And I thought I was the only one.

brandy said...

Oh I loved this. These posts always let you see so much about a person. And I loved your 'getting drunk' story. The first time I got drunk it was off of sambuca, consumed through a straw out of an ICE CREAM pail. Because I'm all sorts of classy.

QueenBee said...

Dude, some of those were depressing, but some of them were strangely appropriate! I loved it!

t.b.f.love. said...

1. I'm sorry you spent 6 years with a guy who definitely didn't deserve you - but you came out of it like a champ & with a better idea of who you are and what you wanted - bravo!
2. I am also a "neurotic monogamist" - great term!
3. The "You Can't Always Get What You Want" answer & the "Better Be Heaven" one cracked me up. Oh iTunes.

S'Mat said...

that's it, i'm doing the meme right now! yours were perfect.
ps. sorry to hear about the orgasm thingie.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I have the same best friend theory going on, but for no discernable reason.

captain corky said...

I've never faked an orgasm before, but I think I've had to pretend to like a food that I really couldn't stand once or twice. Is is the same thing?

Every woman that I've ever been with came, of course. ;)

Damsel in Digress said...

ah, faking the "O" - why did reading that remind me of the day, a year into my relationship with the first serious boyfriend, when i told him ever so awkwardly: you don't make me feel the same way my vibrator makes me feel.

cringing.

either way, when it comes to the fake o's or the bad boyfriends, i guess having experienced those makes the real ones, the good ones (don't know if i'm talking about the o's or the boys right now) even better.

and i can definitely relate to the whole not being able to confide as much as you want others to confide in you. maybe the blogs help us get all that excess stuff out?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I'm actually opposite to you on some, the same on others.
I'm NEVER really single OR attached, and I find doing dishes cathartic.

But, the being confided in, but not confiding, is me.

shanti said...

your musical meme answers are phenomenal. hi :) thanks for stopping by and yes, BSS is as good a reason as any to comment. they're insanely good live, have you seen them?