The one in which I talk to mashed potatoes

Dear Birthday,

While you have certainly treated me well over the years, I think I need a change.
Because a week before Christmas?
It just ain't working.

I'm sick of having to fight with the most dominant holiday in the world for a little attention.
I'm tired of work parties and family visits making my birthday party low on everyone's priority list.
I'm done with the joint Christmas-birthday presents (This one has exceptions for those who take advantaged and buy me an extra special gift).

And don't think I don't know that everyone else in my life hates you, too. I've endured my fair of passive-aggressive remarks about how much people love us December babies.

So, what do you say about July next year?

Festively yours,

-Princess

***

Dear Fair Weather Friend,

It's not that I don't understand you not being able to make my birthday party for approximately the 5th year in a row. It's just that it seems especially rude considering you sent me a message two days prior about how excited you were to finally attend. Pray, tell, why then did you make plans for that weekend despite this excitement?

Grumblingly yours,

-Princess

***

Dear New Boss,

I understand you have this whole laid back thing patented. However, it would be much appreciated if you could provide a little, I don't know, guidance when you ask me to do something new. Like give me one example of the format of the report I have to write for you? Or let me sit in on a procedure before asking me to do it?

Professionally yours,

-Princess

***

Dear Mashed Potatoes,

I was planning an exceptionally healthy lunch as part of my prep for the ensuing holiday gorging. Why then did you have to suddenly appear in the health store deli beside the spinach salad and tofu I was planning to eat? And why do you have to be so damn tasty?

Flabbily yours,

-Princess

***

Dear Upstairs Neighbours,

I am aware that the washing machine takes half the time of the dryer. As such, I don't mind if you take out my wet clothes to use the washing machine while waiting for my other load to get out of the dryer.

However, to snag the dryer when I don't get there the second the cycle stops isn't cool. Especially when it means that I now have to leave for work with with clothes on top of the dryer, and I don't get home until past the time when we are allowed to do laundry in the evening.

It is even less cool when another one of you snags the dryer again first thing in the morning.
My wet clammy clothes have now been wet for nearly 24 hours!

I wish you damp socks on cold days.

Grumpily yours,

-Princess

***

Dear manuscript chapter,

I appreciate you inspiring me a little today.
But, really, it would be best for both of us if you just wrote yourself, 'mmmkay?

Inspirationally yours,

-Princess

***

Dear Ethics Lady,

Your incompetence is beginning to annoy me. Like how I have been waiting to find out about the status of the ethics approval of my current study for several weeks, then find out today that you forgot to send it on? And it took less than a day to approve, meaning I could have done my online pilot testing before the end of the semester had you been on top of things?

And what about that time you couldn't find the sentence I added to my informed consent sheet and it took three emails for you to understand where "last line, second paragraph, second page" meant?
Or when you accidentally mixed up my study forms with another study, and emailed me asking why I was recruiting police officers when I wasn't?

Yeah... didn't really appreciate any of it.

Ethically yours,

-Princess

***

Dear boyfriend,

You are cute, with your shock over finding out that there are sardines in caesar salad dressing, and your comical text messages about McDonald's characters (I will never see the Fry Guys in the same way ever again). I miss you, despite the fact that we have spent a good chunk of the week in each others presence. It doesn't really count when we are buried behind our respective laptops.
I intend to pounce the second this all done. Just warning you.

Lovingly (and lustfully) yours,

-Princess

***

Dear Queen Bee,

Thanks for inspiring me for this post, and being okay with my blatant rip-off.
Also thank you for filling my head with all sorts of Tribble trivia.
I heart you.

Heartingly yours,

-Princess

***

Dear other bloggers,

Thank you for all your lovely supportive comments and virtual cookies from my last post. I'm glad The Crazy didn't make you run away.

I want you all to come to my birthday party.

Also, I promise a much more profound post soon-- but for now, I have to save up my "smrt" writing for more pressing matters.

*Sigh.*

Pointfully Yours,

-Princess