Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Confessions of a neurotic

Whenever I walk by my hairdresser's window on a bad hair day, I am afraid she may be disappointed in me.

Similarly, when I go to my favourite indie video store, I feel as though they are judging me when I rent a romantic comedy.

As a child, I once burnt my nose on a furnace because I wanted to see how hot it really was. I was rocking the Rudolph for several weeks.

I sleep talk like a mofo. A few nights ago I started sleep yelling at the Duke, who was in the kitchen, because I awoke still thinking our dream of a sting in a mental institution was real.

I am exceedingly emo in the mornings. When the muffled talk radio breaks through my dream haze, my thoughts are immediately melodramatic. 
"I freakin' hate my life since I have to get up so early."
"It's so damn bone-chillingly cold outside of this bed, I want to die."
I bet I could write some killer epic poetry about my morning sorrows pre-coffee.

On my first time driving an electric scooter, I careened directly into a fence. Just as the fence's owner came out of his house. Needless to say, there hasn't been a second time.

There is a woman at my gym who works out in a leopard print jacket. I thought this was exceedingly comical-- until I noticed she was lifting way more weight than me.

38 comments:

Princess of the Universe said...

I frequently feel judged for my movie choices by the clerks...

jenn said...

On my first time driving an electric scooter, I careened directly into a hedge. Just as the hedge's owner came out of her house. Needless to say, there hasn't been a second time.

Loving the confessions :)

lspoon said...

We can be emo together in the mornings. Right now I am seriously hating life.

La said...

I'm so weird that if I'm going shopping, I won't go into a store if I'm wearing clothes from that store at the time. I don't even know what that's about!

Miriam D said...

I get extremely nervous when I realize I'm even slighly overdressed for something and am afraid everyone will judge me as being lame or stupid.

distractedspunk said...

You make me giggle. Just saying.

the frog princess said...

Hey, you're better off than I am... I burnt my nose lighting a joint in the high school bathroom while skipping out on science class...

I wove quite the tale to my parents to explain my red-nosed appearance... I believe scented candles were involved.

Seven years later I told them the true story. My dad just laughed and called me a dumbass. I love my family :)

Jess said...

I have that same hairdresser thing, AND my salon is only a block from my office and I walk by it every day. GAH.

Alexa said...

i get my hair cut and colored every 6 weeks. im so neurotic about doing my own hair that i won't ever let my hairdresser blow it out.

i don't think she had even seen my hair actually done, or me with makeup on for that matter because i always make my appts first thing on saturday morning, and im usually hungover as crap.

oy.

Melissa said...

Hehe!

rs27 said...

If you go to an Indie store only "Bottle Rocket" is an acceptable rental.

Surfergrrl said...

you, my friend, should never been allowed on that requires balance. hee! i like your emo mornings. too funny!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

This is why you need a Netflix account. Go to the snotty indie video store for your artsy flicks and Netflix the embarrassing Freddie Prinze Jr. selections. At least that's what I do. Ha!

Or, you know, we could just stop caring what the pimply-faced 17-year-old behind the counter thinks of us. That's also an option.

And I reallllllly hope that woman was working out in leopard print on a dare of some sort.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

p.s. I used to have to walk past my hair salon every day and I would totally pull up the hood on my sweatshirt some days. Now I just cut my own hair-- problem solved!

poodlegoose said...

I don't know why, but your post today made me immediately remember my dream that I had regarding not a "sting" but Sting. . . as in his concert I was to attend.

Love how just one word can immediately conjure up an entire scenario.

Yoda said...

I had never received an electric shock till I was in the 9th grade.

I grew increasingly desperate to feel what other kids had only described as a "jolting other worldly experience".

So one afternoon while waiting for our water heater to heat up my bath water, I decided to willfully touch the bare electric wire protruding from the very same outlet as my heater.

If there was a first time I ever literally kicked myself, that was then!

A week later, we heard that a kid who lived 4 blocks away (and went to the same school) had been electrocuted by a bare wire left near the water heater.

Crushed said...

I hate it when people ring me before seven (I get up at six and leave the flat at seven, so closde friends sometimes call to update me on things at this ungodly hour, sitting in front of the PC, coffee in hand.

All I can do is grunt primevally....

brookem said...

ha, i think about so many of these same things!

Katelin said...

i hate going to the gym in the morning with the cute old people, and then see them lifting more than me. it's so embarrassing.

and i heart your confessions ps. hilarious.

Heart Of Darkness said...

You're such a quirky little mess, aren't you?




lovely

Beth said...

You're simply human - and you have a great sense of humour about it all.

deutlich said...

Uhm. I <3 you.

Yes.

brandy said...

Ha! I'm totally the same as you in the mornings. I loathe everything and feel so sorry for myself anytime before 9am my old room mate shunned me while eating breakfast.

And your last two lines? Classic.

Dexter Colt said...

Well, better neurotic than psychotic. In fact, some people find neurosis endearing. Psychosis? Not so much.

NamesAreHardToPick said...

Actually, you sound quite normal. Of course, many of us aren't normal either, so maybe that's why we think it's normal (or are we?).

Honestly, if I could go to my gym at a time when no female was around, I'd do it. I hate when people turn hot-sweaty-bust-your-ass-time into let's-see-how-tight-I-can-get-my-pants/shirt-to-be. Grammatically incorrect, I know, but annoying as Hell nonetheless.

Maria said...

They are judging you. Which is why I try to only pick documentaries and classic films when I rent movies. I save my crappy choices for the self-checkout at the library.

lissa said...

ha. great post. i'm so lucky i moved far away from my longtime hairdresser. i can't even imagine what she would think of my latest hair choices.

Rachel said...

lol @ your morning thinking routine. I can totally relate.

EF said...

Never underestimate the power of the leopard print! Look where it got Loverboy!

Maxie said...

That's why I use netflix, lol

chasinglibby said...

hahaha emo in the mornings... SO ME, too!!!! loved this post!

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I feel I'm being judged sometimes when I rent certain things from the video store. But I can't write anything pre-coffee.

Heart Of Darkness said...

I know for a fact my coworker both judges and admires me for the amount of stilettos I have in my closet. Plus, the perfectly organized shirt section. She walked into my closet and refused to come out, claiming she could die happily there.

I wouldn't be happy, though! Imagine having to step over a corpse every time I wanted to change outfits! :)

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

I feel the same way about the hairdresser thing; it's a sort of upscale place, and I always feel sloppy when I go in there. I probably give someone in there something to blog about!

I have the same morning problem. This AM, I dropped a piece of cantelope on the kitchen floor, stepped on it, and then picked it up (the sloppy mess) and set it in the handtowel drawer, instead of the garbage (one handle below). I'm stupid (extra stupid) until around 10am!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

@ half-past kissin' time -
I love the idea of giving someone else something to blog about. What a nice way to think of all the times that I've done something really embarrassing!

Tin Ma'am said...

aww hon, most of the time people dont care about your choices... at least that's what I think. Or maybe that's because I really don't care?

I definitely feel you on the morning blues though. I'm exactly the same way pre-work out.

twentyfourandcounting said...

I'm a total sleep talker too. Most of the time I forget about it. Until that rare occasion when there's actually another person in my bed! Wonder what that means... like do we suppress things and then they come out in our sleep? Sleep talking ladies unite!

Lisa said...

Oh, man. I sleep talk like a mofo, too. I also sleep yell and sleep punch and kick.

I've missed you!!! On Christmas, I will ask you to reconsider publishing a full feed.