Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I've got a secret...

... and so do 76 others.


Today, I am participating in the first ever BlogSecret. Put together by the amazing Nilsa, this involves a group of people writing about their biggest secrets. These are then anonymously distributed. As such, one of the other participants is posting a secret that (unknown to them) belongs to me, and I am posting another blogger's (no idea who!) secret below. Visit Nilsa's site to see a list of all the participating blogs!

***

I've struggled a bit to come up with something to share on the great Blog Secret. Well, here's what I have. Take it or leave it.

Sometimes I find it hard to relate to some of my friends because I haven't had a lot of the same experiences as them. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect and they're not, it's just that in some respects we are very different.
First of all, I feel like I've got it all (not trying to sound braggy). I have a job I really like. I've found my other half. I have a great family, who I get along with really well. I own my own home. I'm not struggling financially. I consider myself attractive, and so is my guy. I've never really had any weight issues (except I could stand to loose 10-15 pounds and tighten up). I always made good grades. My parents paid for college so I'm not in debt. I'm not in debt at all really...I pay off my credit cards every month. I'm responsible. I'm happy with my life and who I am. I considered myself blessed and lucky.

A lot of my friends aren't quite in this same boat, not that, that bothers me one bit. I don't judge them at all. But it can make it hard to relate. First of all, I've always been confident, except in those awkward middle school/early high school days. But who wasn't uncomfortable then? During those times I was a little unsure of myself - I was gangly, tall and skinny, not to mention clumsy. I had bad hair and hadn't grown into all of my features. Add flat-chested to that list. I used to be so concerned about what others thought of me. Was I cool? Was I pretty? You know the drill. Then one day I just stopped caring. I figured if people didn't like me for who I was or how I looked, then I didn't need them anyway. I was 14. I think that is a fairly young age to find your self-esteem. And I did that, and I am proud that I had the strength to realize something so vital at that point in my life.
As I've grown older, I've had friends who obviously have not had that revelation, and it's hard to watch. People can smell insecurity and they feed on it. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? It pains me when I see smart, good-looking, funny people beat themselves up for minor imperfections. We all have them. And on that note, I can't relate. I haven't felt like I need to crawl inside myself because I'm not comfortable in my own skin since I was a pre-teen/teenager. I am happy to say that I am not insecure.

A decent amount of my friends' families have gone through divorce, which I know was so hard. Most of them were fairly young at the time that it happened. I couldn't imagine having to try to figure out who you are while your family is crumbling in front of your eyes. I can listen and be sympathetic, but not relate. My parents have been married for almost 30 years. They still love each other and get along well. They are a team and will be till the end, and I can never picture them any other way.

In a financial sense, I'm doing well too. My husband and I make a decent chunk of money for our age. We have money in savings and don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. If we want to go to a nice dinner or buy something expensive, we don't have to feel overly guilty doing it. And we won't have to put it on a credit card to pay it off little by little, month by month. My parents taught me to be financially responsible at an early age. I didn't always get the designer clothes or the coolest gadgets, instead they saved money for me. Upon graduation from college, it became mine. They lectured me on blowing it on useless junk and reminded me what it could do for me in the future. For the most part, I listened. And maybe that's why I'm doing ok now.

I am absolutely no help in relationship land. I've been with my guy for years. I haven't had to date around or look online to find a relationship. I think this is one of the hardest things. I have friends who so desperately want to find the right person and be happy, and when that goes wrong and they are crushed, I feel hypocritical giving advice. What do I know? I've never really been in their situation. I can give them my perspective, but it comes from someone who hasn't been in those shoes. I've had some drama, but I found my person. And it didn't really take me too many tries. From very early on, I knew that we'd be together till we were old and gray, even through the rough patches.

Sometimes I feel guilty, because in my mind I feel like I have it all. What more do I need? Nothing that I can immediately think of. Are there things I want? Sure, but I can make do without them. I have great friends and family, I'm healthy, I'm happy, and I'm secure in my life. Most people I meet like me from the start, and I really don't think I have any enemies. I'm loved and love the people around me. And I will be your friend, through anything, as long as you don't double cross me. Then all bets are off, unless you are extremely regretful. Then I may give you another chance.

Again, I don't want to sound full of myself or better than anyone, but I do have these thoughts sometimes. Then I wonder if any of the people around me ever resent me for these things. I've never spoken these thoughts out loud. And even when other people mention my "perfect life," though it's not, I always try to downplay what they say, so I don't make them sad. Is that wrong?

I am in no way perfect, but maybe I'm just really lucky (knock on wood).

23 comments:

eric1313 said...

Here here.

I'm not and have never been on the same page as most people, even most of my friends.

In RL, maybe a few people ever... Sadly, or ironically, or maybe just strangely enough, his number is surpassed by the amount of people I've connected with on the net.

The seeker has an algorithm all their own.

And here we are.

Good to see you!

Crashdummie said...

oh sweety, u so totally remind me of Charlotte here, in the SATC movie when she feels all guilty cuz her life is perfect while her friends are struggling.

But u know what, u should just embrace the fact and be happy abt it. I sure am, cuz U give hope to rest of us - you really can have it all, and some ;)

kudos!

t.k.foster said...

I'm glad to hear that someone has more success with things. But sometimes the position where you're in - more secure - can be as dangerous because the person in question can wonder if it's too easy, or if their life should be more "insecure."

So as long as you are glad with what you have and don't take it for granted, I am sure you'll do well. It's the people that don't see what they have that end up in a lot of trouble.

Alexa said...

annnnnnnnnnd i hate you. can i have what your having? : )

but on a little side note, just because your life is perfect for you - there are a lot of people out there that may want none of what you are having.

it's all relative.

Matt said...

Must be nice is all I can say.

saratogajean said...

I can't speak for your friends, but I'm sure jealous of you.

Well, maybe jealous isn't the right word. I don't want you to not be happy, I'd just like some of that, too.

-I survived BlogSecret '08

Ant said...

Right. Due to the "secret" nature of this post I'm tempted to get a bit stuck in here...

First thing is that the writer sounds a little boring. And as they appear to be congratulating themselves on being that boring I'd suggest that they go out and live a little before patronising their pals...

Second: why is this a secret? If someone is stupid or insecure, and if the situation merits it, I will openly chastise them for it. The fact that the writer doesn't have the balls to express this openly suggests they aren't as confident as they think they are.

Apologies to whoever wrote this for the harsh tone here, but as PP will probably testify I rarely mince my words...

Jocelyn said...

My life has been charmed in its unremarkability and the relative ease with which good things have come to me, too.

Now, in my forties, that is translating into a desire to reach out to those who are struggling. I want to spread the ease.

Anonymous said...

YES. I am similar in many ways. And I have a hard time with it sometimes, too. I've been lucky - there's nothing "superior" about me. I do think that self confidence plays a big part in being where you want to be in your life... I wish one of my friends would read this and realize that!

Belle Ecrivaine said...

Don't feel guilty for having a good, organized, fulfilling life. You just made a lot of right choices. The best you can do is hope and help your friends make the same choices in their life.

The Over-Thinker said...

Maybe I'm knocking on the wrong wood!! :-)

Nilsa said...

Don't take for granted what you have. And if you can't share it with your friends, maybe share it with those who are really struggling. Volunteer your time. Or give money to charities that matter. Spread the wealth!

Lacey Bean said...

I kind of feel the same way you do. I don't really understand the insecurities some of my friends have, especially when it comes to themselves, when they are all beautiful, successful and wonderful people. I've never really been that way since getting past those akward years.

Maybe that's ignorant of me?

Surfergrrl said...

I'm sure in a way you are going to find that you might have some friends/family/co-workers who might resent you. Not sure if you noticed this though, but you DO have somewhat of an insecurity. That is you feel somewhat guilty of your success and you that other people might judge you a bit for it. Real confidence is more quiet than what you described. It sounds like you do indeed have a great life, so embrace it and appreciate it.

Heather said...

Um, can I be your friend? I just saw myself written all over your post, as if I had written it myself (although it's not a secret for me). I don't feel guilty about my position in life and I do feel like it can be hard to relate to others my age. Here's to being responsible and blessed!

benjibopper said...

i'm with jocelyn - the writer of this 'secret' should share the wealth a little. funny secret. bless me father i have sinned, i'm the most confident and happy person i know. okay, thiry hail marys and out you go.

anyway, cool project, PP. reminds me a bit of the book where everyone puts secrets on postcards and sends them to the author (postage prepaid) and he publishes them. some of them are tragic and beautiful.

brookem said...

the thing that struck me about this post is how humble you seem.
that? is what makes the difference. you're damn lucky to have all you have, and that's something you should embrace and be proud of! it's wonderful, something to celebrate. your humility shines through this post and im sure that those close to you in your life feel this too.

Endless Randomness said...

Be grateful for what you have and don't take it for granted. It's awesome that you have a fantastic life and understandable that you don't get others but do remember.. you're the happy one, the others are still trying to find their way so you are the last person who should feel victimized and sadly your tone suggests that you do!

EF said...

Take the blessings while they are present, 'cause you never know what the next day may bring...

SSG said...

It's a good post, and I agree, everything is relative, and people will compare themselves for you. But I think you probably don't have it all, you are just happy with what you have got. Lots of people aren't happy with what they have got and want what they haven't. you made a good decision at 14 and its made you happy today, cos you like yourself. Well done.

Ms. R said...

Since I am a whore for attention I thought I would come over here and reveal myself as the nose picking, porn loving, binge eating, drunk whose post you were so kind to comment on yesterday. Thanks for the comment love! I have actually been reading your blog for awhile so it was extra awesome to me to see a comment from you. Thanks!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I watch too many skin flicks

~sobs~

teality said...

I'm truly happy for you!