Saturday, November 15, 2008

Observations after cutting loose on a Friday night

For the first time in months and months, I decided to go bar-hopping with a few of my single, party animal girl friends. As one would expect by the title, a few hijinks may have ensued, and a few observations were made. (Is it bad that I try frantically to memorize such instances when they occur due to the possibility of a good blog anecdote?)

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It is always a better idea to wait in line for 15 minutes for a bacon cheese potato in principle than in reality.
Especially when your friend runs into a former one-night stand in said line-up.

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Best text message sent to a boyfriend ever? "Jagerbombs + Journey = Best Drunken Night Ever".
Yes, I mean that Journey.
I actually heard "Don't Stop Believing" two times last night, and, for some reason, was thrilled about this.

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My friends are far bigger style mavens than I. The lessons I received from them whilst gussying me up for the evening included "never put your bangles on the same arm as your biggest ring". 

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Best accessory ever?
Gangsta' rings, bee-otch!

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Pretending you are someone you are very obviously not is grand fun. 

Example:
Cheesy guy: So how old are you ladies?
Friend: How old do you think we are?
Cheesy guy: Around 22. You seem too young to know Journey so well.
Me: I'm actually 45.
Cheesy guy: Shut up.
Me: No, I really am. I'm actually here for my son's 19th birthday party. He's at the bar getting some beers.

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Gatorade is very possibly the nectar of the Gods.

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How is it that I despise Womanizer when sober, but it becomes my new favourite song when drunk?

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My friends, along with being big stylistas, are also far too adept at playing the bar star.
Despite my attempt to convince Cheesy Guy of my middle agedness, my girl friends decided to take him up on his offer to buy us Jagerbombs. They then talked to him for the appropriate five to ten minutes, and quite obviously were not feeling him (though I may have been too into lip syncing "Return of the Mack" to notice). Instead of simply making an excuse to leave, they had a far more histrionic plan- pretending to have an argument. 

I was confused as anything at first, looking at the two of them wide-eyed, whispering plaintively "Why are you fighting?" It was only after one winked at me that I realized this was a well-honed act on their part. Cheesy Guy looked especially distraught at the dramatic turn of events, and let us leave without protest. It was only when we got a sufficient distance away that they broke into peals of laughter.

Perhaps it says how boring that I am that I would rather not take the drink, and therefore not have to talk to Cheesy Guy and not fake a fight. But, then again, what do I know?

25 comments:

Kat from Tough Girl 101 said...

Yup, i think that you pretending to be 45 is EASILY the funniest thing I've heard all night. Seriously, pure genius. I must try it soon. maybe I"ll get away with it if i play up that "asians age well"! hahaha.

Abbey said...

1. Everyone loves britney when drunk. Hopefully, you're just not so drunk as to show your Britney off. Same goes with Justin and being drunk.

2. I love the argument idea. However, seems like a lot of effort. I usually stand there and talk to him about 5 minutes, thank him, and then walk away. Shrug. Serves him right for thinking he could buy my phone number with a $5 drink.

Deutlich said...

Anytime I even THINK of that song by Journey it conjures up memories of watching celebration videos after Barack's win. There were a crap ton of people dancing in the streets of D.C. to that song and it just makes me smile.

Paula said...

Haha, Journey! When we were over in Belfast in July my two friends were obsessed with that song for some reason - I think one of them even has a video of us singing and dancing along to a live band singing it (they requested it, of course!) in a pub we'd went to.

I was laughing my head off at you pretending to be a 45 year old too!

S'Mat said...

WASTED POST!!
just wanted to say that, for posterity's sake.
never heard of post-club potatoes, but right on! Right on again for not taking the jagerbomb! always makes me think of dehydrated shepherd's pee for some reason, and that's prett5y much the last thing i'd accept from a stranger.
across the strait, i got bought a beer for tying a straw into the sweatiest girl ever's hair (in lieu of a hair band) and tried to talk a gay girl into a date. shame!
WASTED COMMENT!!

Crushed said...

Poor cheesy guy!

You should go bar hopping more often, it's fun.

What is Gastorade, btw?

Maxie said...

I love to lie when I'm out... that sounds horrible but it's just so much fun!

Daisy said...

This was so funny!!! I love it! I'm all about saving the memories for blog stories as well. :) It helps you appreciate life's little pleasures more.

But I'm with you on passing up the drink to avoid the chit-chat.

Bayjb said...

Gosh that sounds like a fun night. drunken activity plus Journey (the band) means a lot of screaming along to lyrics, or trying to

Alexa said...

sounds like such a fun night out on the town! : )

Brett said...

Women are so devious

miss button said...

Journey is(/are) awesome. The episode of Scrubs that plays Don't Stop Believin' may just be the best use of music in a TV show. So good...

wee-h said...

Sounds like a great night out. My friends and I usually play the stupidest jobs ever game. It seems to get easier the more drunk you get.

"yes im a fireman"
"what you dont believe me as im not even 5 foot tall and couldnt life a hamster from a burning building?"

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I love Journey - I recall dancing to Open Arms with the cutest boy ever in 8th grade...good times...

Lauren said...

Oh Journey. I love Journey.

benjibopper said...

ha! i was just listening to return of the mack the other day, and then some of his other songs on youtube. that guy had one crazy voice. this sounds like a night well worth remembering.

Yoda said...

Oh God, I hate Womanizer so much that I might have beaten the DJ with a blunt object.

Cheesy Guy was also stupid guy. Never buy drinks for a group of girls, you're always gonna be outnumbered. Rather choose the lonely girl in the back who nobody's talking to.

verybadcat said...

I <3 Journey!

Heart Of Darkness said...

I would NOT want to get into a fist fight with someone wearing that gangsta ring - imagine trying to explain to your bf the next morning why you have a red weld spelling out "gangsta" across the forehead!



How DRUNK do you have to be to enjoy Gatorade???? Honey.... *sigh*




And "I'm 45, here for my sons 19th birthday"...? Brilliant!

eric1313 said...

I grew up listening to Journey, thanks due to my mom.

Just a city boy...

Born and raised in south Detroit...

He took the midnight train going anywhere



Anyway...

Seems a few of us have been out of the blog world now. I still don;t know what to say to Ultra Toast! His last post displays it all, what we love about his style, so thick with ideas and images worded in the most meticulous ways.

And don't worry about me! As for my last post, it's not bitter! Heartbreak hit long ago, it's just a retrospective. I loved every every drop of sweet poison, and I chose to imbibe it.

It's all good.

I'll be back with more, of the same and maybe different.

To tell you the truth, I feel like reinventing my blog. errr... scrapping the current one and coming back with an all new persona, one less personal, one where I can write some of the raw stuff like I once did.

Or maybe I'll just meet those changes head on as my current persona. After all, I am pretty much me on my blog.

Seriously.

After all the disclosures I've made--for good or ill--and yes, I know a lot of it was actually in pseudo-privacy of responses to others--how could you not think I'm as real as this tired photograph of me almost hugging Van Gogh's Starry Night ?

That disclosure has left me vulnerable, you know...

You know!

eric1313 said...

And if I where to come back with a new persona...

tell me what you think...

rebelscum

ta-da!

eric1313 said...

Just toying with the idea though...

And to let you know, I have actually been legitimately busy. I managed to weasel my way into a freelance writing gig. I'm doing a little bit of work for a small video game company out of Ottawa, writing little science fiction bits to help move things along, as well as some moderation. More details will be forthcoming, I promise.

Jocelyn said...

I have to go buy a big ring and some bangles so that I can keep them apart.

Steve Perry has been my life's biggest crush.

Larissa said...

Oh, Journey...great memories. Man, we're old.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

[Guy]What are "Bangles"?[/Guy]