Prostitution

Yesterday, I found out that an acquaintance was seeing prostitutes.

This left me initially quite perplexed-- this fellow is a reasonably good looking guy in his late 20s, popular, educated, a homeowner with a good job. I've known him to hook up with mutual friends, and he has a reputation of being a bit of a womanizer, but with a sensitive side.

In other words, the complete opposite of my stereotype of a john.

I'd always imagined that the only reason anyone would ever pay for sex is merely because they were unable to access it for free, or perhaps married men who were unhappy with the current state of their sex life, but did not want to have a formalized affair. It never really occurred to me that it would be something an individual would choose over sex with a willing unpaid partner.

Prostitution is not exactly a regular dinner table conversation for the most of us. It is almost the most taboo of all the unspoken topics. As the cliched "oldest profession in the book", it is likely more woven through our social networks than we would like to believe-- be it the users or the providers among us. And while I have had amazingly blunt conversations with friends about reams of usually off-limit topics, I don't think I have ever spoken at length with anyone about their involvement with prostitution (outside of some brief discussions within my forensics job, which are more factually based than theoretical inquiries).

Wondering if my view of the motivations for seeking out prostitutes may be a little naive, especially given this new development, I asked a friend who conducts academic public health research on prostitution in our city. Seeing my confusion, he told me that women often have a harder time grasping the idea than men, as we view sexuality in such dramatically different terms. He stated men do not only seek out sex with prostitutes for the more generic reasons (e.g. physical disabilities or traits that make them unable or unlikely to engage in more typical sexual relationships). Some men prefer the simple exchange of cash over the games involved in dating or one night stands. Others have no interest in relationships. Some have such unusual sexual tastes that their partners are unwilling to engage in. Some view it as a more moral alternative to cheating. Some view variety as paramount, never wanting to sleep with the same woman more than once. Some, as the tongue in cheek saying goes, pay for having their sexual partner leave once they are finished, rather than for the encounter itself. Some even see such encounters as an important part of their sexual identity.

I tried to keep an open mind whilst listening to this. After all, I like to think I fall on the liberal side of the spectrum. I don't have a profound aversion to the notion of prostitution in principle-- in terms of a business deal of sorts between two consenting adults. However, I do have problem with the way such encounters go on in practice, as exploitation seems to be more of a theme than an exception in many cases.
I also think I have a gender bias on this one. My friend was right, in that I have a hard time grasping the notion of being willing to pay for sex, and thus have a hard time accepting these motivations he has listed for me. I also find my sympathies going to the sex trade workers, rather than the johns, as almost a matter of principle.

Nevertheless, it was an interesting revelation that these encounters are not merely going on in the cars of strangers.