Monday, July 27, 2009

Words on my mind

Lately, when my mind needs a break from report-writing or stats or whatever task is keeping me on a computer and away from the sunshine, I've found myself meandering back to this site and flipping through my archives. As the words take me back in time, I'm experiencing a weird kind of ambivalence.

Part of me can't help but think "Damn, I was good"- but I'm not sure whether this is inspirational or intimidating. Maybe it is because I'm out of practice at this whole blogging thing, but the words don't come out as seamlessly as they used to. Even though my mind is still as busy as ever, the idea of translating it all into relatable paragraph form is overwhelming and a little scary.

I guess I'm just uncomfortable with this in between state my blog has fell into. I've never been good with ambivalence. I need things to be explicit. As such, I keep on pressuring myself to make a decision about this blog. Do I formally call it quits? Do I start writing again?

When I read back, I know I don't want these words to disappear. I want to have the freedom of having a place to file them when they start spilling over. But, at least in this moment, I also don't know if I can handle the formality of actual starting to write regularly again. Right now, I don't know if the creativity juices are flowing enough to do this frequently. I don't know if I have the time- even writing this, I'm taking away from much needed work time.

And I don't know why on earth I feel the need to pressure myself into making such a formal decision. After all, what's wrong with having a half-assed blog?

21 comments:

Jess said...

I recently discovered that every photo you upload to Blogger, even the ones you end up not posting, get put into a Picasa photo album. So I was flipping through mine and, wow. So many memories and thoughts, seeing those posts back to back like that. It was like cliff's notes to my blog. It was fascinating.

ablogofherown.wordpress.com said...

Nothing is wrong with blogging the way you want/need to blog.

That's the beauty of it.

:-)

Tigerlily said...

The way I see it is, I blog for myself. If others like what I write its a bonus. Like you I want to have a record of how things were. No need to update everyday.

Alanna said...

You've expressed my sentiments toward blogging EXACTLY. These days, the urge to write is striking me less and less, and I can't help but feel guilty about it. I just need to remember that the blog is for me, not anyone else, and no harm is being done if I go days, weeks, months without so much as a peep. I'll keep checking in for you.... but enjoy your time away. Not everything has to translate into relatable paragraph-form.

katana said...

nothing with blogging from the heart, as opposed to doing it disciplined - it's a hobby for you, after all. You're just too used to being a perfectionist.

Bayjb said...

I definitely feel guilty if I don't blog as I should or if i miss a day. You can't be hard on yourself!

Oh and i moved sites too finally: http://www.myeverydayadventures.com

Mandy said...

Thats the beauty of blogging, do it when you feel inspired to do so, not because you feel like you have to. That said, I always enjoy your posts.

SMARTBuddy said...

Nothings wrong. Im at about 1/8th ass blog at moment!

A Super Girl said...

Nothing wrong with a half-assed blog, it's definitely what mine has fallen into these days. It's important to have a place to release when you want, but not to feel pressured to constantly produce!

smidge said...

We all re-evaluate our blogs from time to time - and the 'quality' of the writing.

Who cares if you feel a post is half-assed? We still enjoy it and unless you no longer enjoy it - then keep writing!

longredcape said...

I feel the EXACT same way. I don't want to get rid of it because what if there is something I HAVE to share? But it feels so neglected...

That's what's so great about Google Reader... you can just leave the feed in there and when the site is updated, it shows up in your Reader!

sonrie said...

Your blog is not for a grade, it is not for a requirement, it is for you. If it is not working, change it, and if you lose readers, so what? It is not for us. Write the things that you wish, or post pictures...or nothing.

:) Presto!

Surfergrrl said...

I know what you mean. I feel the same way about mine.

Meghan said...

It's your blog. Write when you want and don't feel pressure. You're still a great writer even if you're in a rut and there's nothing wrong with that either :)

eric1313 said...

Inspired, I see...

I understand you completely, and really, I can only say 'do what thou must'.

But this space, the hijinksgalore blogspot, will always be there to remind you and all of us as well about that wonderfully creative facet of your being, the one called Princess Pointful.

Me? I will return. It's a matter of time. My blog was always more of a workshop anyway. I always took such love in editing my poems from ideas born right there in the comment page. I still regard it as the only net medium I am truly comfortable with. And it will be right here, waiting, for all of us.

Good to read that familiar voice again. I really do hope your literary voice finds its way to print one day.

Talk to you again very soon.

Angela said...

I personally think the best blogs are the ones that show the human part of us.....we can't be geniuses all the time!

Ant said...

Totally understand your dilemma. I get a bit annoyed with myself when my blogs drift into half-assed land. As you've seen, I find a re-branding helps inject a bit of energy into what I'm writing (though my commenteers have all but disappeared - not too stressed about that though, statcounter tells me they're still reading).

Your blog is one of the few good ones around - I use it as a comforting sense of constancy, but do miss your regular writing. You'd certainly be depriving the world of valuable writing if the half-assed blogging dissipated into nothing at all.

Daisy said...

Who defines "half-assed" with regard to blogging?? Is it the number of comments? The number of posts? The number of readers?

Why do you need to define whether you keep a blog? How about instead you define what type of blog you want?? If you want a blog where you can share your heartfelt feelings or scholastic opinions on occassion - great! You already have that and it doesn't matter who or how many read it. But if blogging to you is only about quantity - comments, posts, readers etc - maybe you've lost touch of what blogging is about.

Just a thought ...

closetsareforclothes said...

dude, my blog has been nothing but half assed. from the beginning.

actually no. ihad a few gems in there. and i hang onto them like a life preserver.

remember the time i won a 20 sb award?!?! feels like ages ago. i don't even know what to write about anymore. i hear you.

also, love what a blogofherown wrote: "nothing is wrong with blogging the way you want/need to blog." makes so much sense.

Brett said...

Just catching up and i have to agree "dam you are good", i once came across a post that i read and though it was great, only to find the blogger was quoting one of my post, now i find that as more people i know read my blog i have to watch what i say.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Sometimes I'll go looking for an entry and I'll find myself reading my words, and they seem so far away. It was me, at that point, but I'm not there anymore....and I can't tell if that is good or not.