Tuesday, October 27, 2009

And more words.

Okay, it's official-- I miss writing.

Well, that’s a bit of a deceptive statement. It’s not like my fingers have exactly become unfamiliar with the keyboard. It’s more that my writing as of late has been of the “why-I-am-going-to-be-the-most-fabulous-intern-ever” genre (or, you know, the neuropsych report I am technically writing in my office as we speak… if anyone asks). So much self-promotion gets a little tiresome. Perhaps I just miss being a little more honest, verbose, jaded, sarcastic, and more flexible on my use of punctuation.

Of course, this is about the least convenient time ever to try to squeeze an additional hobby somewhere in my overflowing life. I fear a little that adding even a tablespoon more of demands or obligations may result in a full scale flood, which may explain why even thinking about opening up my Google Reader feels slightly like drowning.

The multiple tabs open on my computer right now shout at me: DEADLINES. DECISIONS. RESPONSIBILITIES. This may explain why I want to aimlessly write again. It hearkens back to times of what seem like leisure (if my life has ever really been leisurely), when I would curl up on the couch, drinking tea and barefooted, with nothing planned for the next hour except to get a little lost in ideas.

It is funny noticing the changes that not writing brings out in me.

I pay less attention a lot of the time, to conversation going on behind me, the scenes flying by my window. I almost block these all out, with headphone, sunglasses, games on my phone.

Still, some days I come home, and douse the Duke with words, sentences, anecdotes.

I haphazardly recount stories to friends, who seem a little bit perplexed by the randomness of it all.

I keep other thoughts to myself, not sure what the purpose is in expressing them.

I think a lot. Probably too much sometimes.

I miss the interactions I used to have with people who knew me exclusively through my words. Some of us do keep in touch, but things naturally tend to fade when the main source of connection disappears. I miss not needing to worry if someone “got it”, for as convoluted as my ramblings may sometimes be, someone always did. I miss 2am emails and laughing at my computer screen. I miss those lightbulb over the head moments, when a piece magically writes itself.

I miss my words.

11 comments:

tmamone said...

We miss your words, too!

Bayjb said...

Miss you too. But I always love seeing your updates in my Reader :)

verybadcat said...

We miss you. <3

P.T said...

I'm completely bowled over! Your posts are a delight to read. And you write so beautifully!
I'm a fan now. :)

Ant said...

I miss your words too.

To note: I've found that since the easing of my massive workload, the creativity, will and desire to blog appears to have returned. I think you can take as read the fact that blogging is part of your life, but accepting of the fact that for long periods we're simply "too busy to blog".

At least that's what I hope. Next tough workload will be the test.

Katelin said...

i miss your words too. i'd be okay if you started blogging again :)

P said...

Is this your way of saying you're returning to the fold??? ;P

Mandy said...

I've missed your words too. I've really enjoyed reading them again.

Princess of the Universe said...

I miss your words too babydoll. Yours is a link that I will never remove from my reader, no matter how sporadically you post. :)

eric1313 said...

Just keep doing what it is that you already do.

It's really very simple...

Writing is something one fels the calling for. And I know you feel it, your blog speaks of it with every single sylable.

anyway...

Ever drink a Vegas Bomb? They rock! Especially on the rocks. Drinking one right now in the DJ booth... $2 Bass pale ale and Guiness tonite... Thirsty?

Peace out, friend Princess

Bethany said...

This is great! I feel the same way. Writing for a deadline is not the same as curling up with a journal.