Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock!

Inspired by the amusing antics of oafish teenage boys on the bus today*, I thought about the best pick-up attempt** I had ever experienced.

About 3 or 4 years ago, making me somewhere in my early 20s, I was riding the bus home from the university. Staring out the window, I overheard a couple teenage boys talking.

"She's really hot."
"Go ask her, dude!"
... and so forth.

Given that my bus stopped by several high schools on the way home, I didn't give any of this much thought. Until a few minutes later, I hear an "excuse me", and look over to see a teenager guy of no more than maybe 14 standing beside my seat, with his friends watching.

"Um, I was wondering if I could have your phone number."
As I know this probably took a lot of guts, and he was being watched by other merciless teenagers, rather than informing him that for me to give him my phone number would likely place me on the road to statutory rape, I said "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend."

But, here comes his kicker of a reply!

"But is your boyfriend as fly as me?"

The kid does have balls! I suppress laughter and manage something non-committal like "He might be", as he struts back to his friends.


Okay, now, dear readers... let's hear your tales of when you were the victims of failed pick-up attempts!

To further inspire you, I am also including the story of one of the better attempts involving my younger sister.

When she was 15 and I was 18, we went on a cross-Canada trip on the beloved Greyhound bus. We stopped for a night in Winnipeg, and arrived early at the bus depot the next morning, ready to continue on in our journey.

She sat watching our bags as I went to the convenience store to buy snacks. As I came out, I see a really sleezy looking guy chatting her up. She looks frightened, but he still continues to try to pick her up with her big sister looming over him. Eventually, with continued refusals and numerous dirty looks from me, he goes on his way.

It turns out the guy lives right by the bus depot and was trying to get her to come home with him.
#1- She's FIFTEEN!!!
#2- He apparently regularly frequents the goddamn bus depot to pick up!
Telling him she has to catch a bus doesn't work, so she tries telling him she has a boyfriend-- to which he responds "Fuck him, I have a bigger dick that him anyways!"



* These oafish teenage boys, who might not have even been 13, were trying to spit out the window at people, and made lewd comments about every woman on the bus. At one point, I saw them look at me and say something, but I had my headphones on and didn't hear anything. I then heard one of them say "Can you hear what we're saying?". I looked at them and nodded my head, and they looked really embarassed for a few moments. Then then continued talking about bitches they wanted to fuck and how one of them always felt like singing when he got high. I have such faith in the youth of today.

** It was hard to deem this the best pick-up attempt ever, especially when there was fierce competition from the homeless guy who tried to convince me that he did research, too, and wanted me to go to dinner at McDonalds with him.
Or the guy, who, after he asked me for money, asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I replied in the affirmative, he said "Do you want a better one?"


Beth said...

I am so past the pick-up line age - thank god. No regrets. But both your posts reminded me of a guy in high school who made sure he was beside me on every school bus ride. If I stood, he was right there (touching - ugh). If I had an aisle seat, he was beside me. Eventually my friends made a point of surrounding me so he couldn't get near. There was something seriously wrong with the guy. These days he'd be considered a stalker (he followed me in the halls too) and I'd probably report him.
Thanks for prompting the memory! I'll probably have bad dreams tonight.

Indiana James said...

I don't know if this counts as a pick up or an illegal proposition, or one in the same... Many years, actually about 11 ago, my best friend and I were down in Atlanta visiting his dad. He was busy chatting up a waitress 8 years older than him (and picking her up). We were minors by Canadian standards so we had to dress up a little. So as I was waiting for him outside the bar, a car with no passenger seat and what appeared to be a throw rug in the back pulls up. I think it was a woman behind the wheel leans out the passenger side window and asks me, while blowing a bubble in her gum, if I wanted to go for a ride and have some fun. Being 16, I still found the situation completely ridiculous and did all I could to not laugh at her and politely declined.

Ant said...

I've never tried a pick-up line per se, and haven't had one tried on me either however...

When out dancing in an Edinburgh club on a very laddy night, my buddies and I were attempting to scout out the talent and were actually making some subtle and promising progress with a particular group of girls...

Until that is, one of my more loud and boozed-up pals returned from the toilets, surveyed the women around us, winked at me in a very obvious "Nice-Work" kind of way, then shouted "So ladies - are y'all up for the boab tonight?"

(Boab = Scottishism for penis)

I've never seen a group scatter so quickly or so fearfully...

Pie! said...

Ok...not really a pick-up line story...

I work (front-of-the-line, sales, kind of thing) at a gym, and while I was working, this member comes up to me and asks me out. First of all, who does that when someone is working? And with people lined up behind him?

I turn him down, saying I was seeing someone already (I wasn't.) He responds: "Ok." He pulls this little card out of his pocket and gives it to me. " Please, have a bible." Then he walks away.

The card was for a free bible.

Eve said...

Huh. The most recent time I made one guy dance with another guy. They were strangers who, independently of one another, were chatting up me and a friend. It ended up being way creepier than I had imagined it in my mind. I kind of felt like a jerk.

Oh, and regarding the boys who were talking (moderately misogynistic) trash, they were just being boys. Think 40-year-old virgin talking about sex. They have no idea.

psychgrad said...

I had to laugh at that post...the bus depot in wpg is in one of the dodgiest parts of town. Dirty looks probably wouldn't cut it.

Princess Pointful said...

Beth- I certainly hope I wasn't the cause of some residual trauma! That is actually a really creepy story.

Indiana J- Ha! You know that the throw rug indicated that this wasn't her first time doing this!

Ant- Wow. That is one of the most unfortunate things I have ever heard. I'm usually of the notion that most pathetic pick-up attempts have at one time worked, because I can't figure out why else people would repeatedly make such pathetic attempts... but I'm quite sure that your friend's strategy NEVER worked.

Pie- That is hysterical! Do you think he was trying to let you know what redemption you were in need of for turning him down? Or was it maybe a little added incentive?

Eve- Ha! Wow... that is what I call power. I think it's especially entertaining considering that women do it all the time to get guys' attention!

Psychgrad- Now I know... pepper spray should be my first line of defense.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I liked Pie's. That was just plain bizarre.

This has only happened to me a couple of times.

The most recent was when a girl came up to me in the gym and asked me for if I knew any Tricep exercises. I told her a few, then she asked me if I knew any more. I just looked at her blankly and said 'no.' She scurried off and I haven't seen her since. I still don't know for sure whether she was coming onto me, or whether she genuinely wanted some advice.

The first time was more definite.

I was waiting for a bus one day and two drunk 14 year old girls came up to me and straight out asked if I would sleep with them. Welcome to Yate. It's classy.

eric1313 said...

I make pick-up lines on the fly. The only problem is, somebody has to inspire them. So they're not really lines, even though I feel like they are. Can I remember them? No.

I once asked my writing professor if she would like to go to a Red Wing's game, to which she replied, 'I'd love to'.

Woohoo! (que the Vonage music from the commercials)

I got the tickets (right behind the glass, second row), but was still skeptical, but forced that from my mind. Of course, when I told her I had the tickets, she said it wouldn't be a good idea, and she was really sorry about it, too.

Me? I said "That's OK, I was totally expecting you to say no!" I was, and I was able to smile genuinely, even through.

She broke into a big smile, too, and was like, "you were?", and this got us into a long hour and a half conversation in her office, and her phone number and personal email.

Wings beat the St. Louis Blues 5-2.
Awesome, because the seat were SO expensive, and I got somebody to buy the other ticket. But I would rather have been there with her, of course.

And thanks for the quick comments, I went over the poem, and got rid of the second stanza, and fixed it up a lot, so it flowed together better. Thank you for your honest opinion.

And I got back to you on all your comments, even the ones on the "last minute" post.

Have a great night

PS--sorry my fellow y chromosomes suck so bad.