Monday, March 5, 2007

Join my club!

For those of you not familiar with the notion of hipsters, I present to you the Wikipedia definition. I also admit that, at least according to the music and filmmaker subsection of this definition, I have a bit of hipster in me, so take this whole post with a grain of salt!


After a lovely date of Mexican food and sangria, the Duke and I split up for the evening, as he had an indie concert to attend. However, on the way to the train, we got into a conversation about the likely hipsters that were going to be there, and eventually decided that we should start some sort of unhipster (and very geekish!) club based on a key tenets:

#1- Members shall always claim that a newly hip band's second album is better than their first, or even better, that their major label debut is clearly superior to their independent original release.

#2- Members shall recognize that Space Oddity and the Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust can hardly be considered the best of David Bowie. Instead, Bowie clearly reached the peak of his career with the release of Let's Dance.

#3- Members also recognize that musicians tend to make their best work once they have sobered up. Prime example: Metallica's St. Anger.

#4- Members agree that large stadiums are clearly better concert venues than small intimate clubs. Furthermore, back-up dancers and costume changes clearly make the music better!

#5- Members recognize that, contrary to popular opinion, The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Rapper's Delight by the Sugerhill Gang, and Walk this Way by Run DMC are not the songs that brought hip hop music to the mainstream. This feat was accomplished by Humpty Hump's catchy little ditty "The Humpty Dance".

#6- Members shall swear on a stack of Bibles that Phil Collins was a better frontman to Genesis than was Peter Gabriel.

#7- Members will proclaim to anyone who listens that Kraftwerk really hit his stride in the late 90s.

#8- Members scorn zombie films. Instead, they prefer both teen horror films from the 90s (double bonus if it stars Jennifer Love Hewitt!), made-for-TV-movies (triple bonus if it stars Jennifer Love Hewitt!) and Elvis musicals from the 50s.

#9- Members shall forego small independent coffee houses serving only organic free trade java. Even Starbucks will be considered too off the beaten path. Instead, they will get their coffee fix only from McDonalds or 7-11.

#10- Members shall consider functionality as dominant over style. As such, fanny packs will become de rigeur among members, due to their convenience and availability in all sorts of awesome colours! Giant rain slickers will also be worn for practicality sake.


So.. what do you guys think?? I still need a name for my club and a vice-treasurer. New tenets are always appreciated, too! But you better hurry if you want to join, as spots for the Saturday night Bingo Game are filling up- and I'm making macaroni salad and bringing out my showtunes collection!


John said...

I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!!

Where do I sign up?! Send me a form! I've got a digital signature to authenticate things on my e-mail. No paper please, it ruins the planet.

One minor thing though. I believe, in my humble opinion, that Bowie's musical genius really came to the fore in Labrynth.

Damn...I love that film!

Psych-o by now said...

If I get the opportunity to wear my favorite clothing item (the fannypack), then I am definitely in as well.

Eve said...

Wait - so you mean functionality in clothing doesn't trump style? Uh oh.

John said...

Ok...can't see an e-mail link for you, so if you've got msn can you give me a yell? I can't get this damn link thing working and now you've written all over my blog about it it's starting to annoy me that I can't do it!
or e-mail


LMizzle said...


Can I claim that Bowie's finest work was in Labyrinth? That codpiece was the highlight of his career.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

It would appear that I have always been in this club.

We call Fanny Pack's 'Bum Bags' here in the U.K. However, they are worn around the front.

I don't know why this is.

Word Verification: bigfeto(!)

CarpeDM said...

Um, yeah. I don't know music that well so I'll agree with everything you said if I can join because I am so unhip I still use the term rockin' (yeah, I'm from the 80's).

Labrinth and my God, Bowie is hot.

I had a crush on Phil Collins when I was (much) younger. Elvis movies are the best.

You amuse me. Thanks for stopping by.

cinemec said...

don't be silly, Phil Collins didn't get good until he started working for Disney!

I'll expect my membership card in the mail :)

Princess Pointful said...

It is funny that you all made comments about Labyrinth, as in the original conversation about this group, we were actually discussing how it would also represent an acme of his career. "Magic Dance" clearly kicked the ass of Major Tom. Word.

John- Sweet! For being the first internet recruitee, you win a free Styx action figure!

Psych-o- Nice! Fannypackers are always appreciated! Do you want to be in charge of fashion merchandising? I'm thinking of bringing back denim everything... hats, belts, fannypacks...

Eve- That's why you are a natural for this club!

John again- Do you still need my computer skillz (I spell that way coz I'm ghetto like that), or did my last comment on your blog clear things up?

LMizzle- You are officially the Codpiece Representative. That wonderful invention needs it's own specialist.

Ultra Toast- As the official UK originator, do you have any international recommendations for us? Other than getting "bum bags" embroidered on our official fanny packs?

Carpe DM- Thanks for dropping by and joining us! Your dedication to the club and its values is impressive. You can be the chief officer of vernacular. Rockin' is certainly one of our words of choice. As is bogus.

Cinemec- Impressive! Your fanny pack is in the mail. I slipped in a Barry Manilow headshot just for you.

Mood Indigo said...

oh my gosh, I love this. But I think Starbucks should count. It could count by definition of major corporations taking over mom-and-pop businesses being a good thing - the bigger the better ;)

eric1313 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eric1313 said...

Like Toast, I was born to this sweet club. (Except I can't accept even a spurious consideration of anything Metallica has done in the last fifteen years as anything except a major betrayal somewhere between Judas and Julius Caesar's burning of the Library of Alexandria.)

I love Green Day's current album.

I can go with Let's Dance.

Concerts a giant venues? Sweet.

Humpty Dance was totally the shit! I'm the white version of Humty pronounced with an 'umpty'.

Phil Collins was much more prolific than Gabriel. Can't argue with that.

I have no problem hating Zombie films--(Rob Zombie excepted!;)

7-11 (or Sleven as we call it in the D) is the best cappuccino. No problem. I hate coffee houses. The last time I read at an open mic night four years ago, I did well, garnered lots of quiet attention without table talk, and lots of applause. Then, the idiot hipster who read after me said "let's here it for the Nike sporting goods company"--I was wearing a Nike shirt. It actually marked me as an individual in their lip pierced, green unwashed shirt little crappy jet-set hierarchy.

So I left my spot in line and sat down in the front row!!!!!

He kept reading and looking nervously at me--mind you I'm a hundred thirty pounds six foot tall. A bean pole, but I have some mean eyes when angry, I've been told. I was smiling, which undoubtedly disturbed him the most.

The emcee had to finally take the mic from him. He really didn't want to leave the safety of the stage.

He got scattered applause and walked by without looking at me, but I followed him back to his table (my friends were nervous at this point) and I said very, very loud, "that was exactly like sixth grade, man. I liked it. A lot." (the dude was forty!!!) nobody said anything anything and my face almost split open from smiling!

I love killing them with hostile kindness.

Does that count as passive aggression? I would call it filmy silk-clad aggression, a smile short of the naked variety.

God Almighty, was I pissed and yet felt silly-ish.

Screw hipsters, especially that forty year old who had to hang out with twenty somethings, because his own age group undoubtedly rejected him.

Rant over.

Thanks for the wonderful post to make me laugh before bed. Your writing compulses people want to engage it.

All in all, it reminded me of the Bare Naked Ladies, This Is Me In Grade 9. "I got a blue and red Adidas bag and a humongous binder..."

You're probably familiar with it, so no need for a serenade.

Night, Princess. I'll have a new post up soon. Peace out.

eric1313 said...

I have yet begun to sleep!!!!

Thanks for the word and I'll read your new post, gladdly.

And I so totaly did not look at the date on this post--March fifth is my birthday! Great minds...

Great minds/sick minds, they all think the same. Good thing you're into being a shrink...