Sunday, April 25, 2010

A list of potential ways to resurrect my blogging career

  • Incite enough interest in discovering my true identity by implying that I am actually someone of vague importance, like Justin Bieber, a gigolo who is carrying on a long time clandestine affair with Sarah Palin, a star of Glee, or whoever else the kids are talking about these days. Hope that this results in several new websites speculating on my true identity. Did I ever tell you about that time I slept with Tiger Woods?
  • Start a feud with a much more popular blogger. (Hey, page views are page views, even if they are associated millions of hateful comments, yes?) Hope that said popular bloggers even acknowledges my post starting fierce rumours about them.
  • Stop being so damn paranoid about my blog being found, and have it searchable on Google so that people searching for "pornstar with PhD" and "how do I have sexy cheese hijinks" may, perchance, be taken by my quirky writing style, and decide to bookmark me.
  • Find a ridiculous niche topic, such as "Wiener Dogs who Look Like Oscar Wilde", so I can most definitely be the number one site on said topic.
  • Break up with my boyfriend in order to have salacious, awkward, drunken sex with random people that makes for snappy blog-worthy anecdotes. Be sure to include saucy nicknames, such as "Aardvark Man" and "The Spatula Guy".
  • Write more than once every 7 weeks and hope that people still find you remotely endearing. Oh, and move to Wisconsin, because that's sure to be a hot new bandwagon people are going to want to hop on.


Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

You had me at "The Spatula Guy".

Jessica (Bayjb) said...

If you want to start a fued, we can totally get something going on twitter, Facebook AND blogs. I'm not really "popular" but I would help any girl coming to my favorite state, WI.

tmamone said...

Hey, if you want to bash some bloggers, I've got a list of names!

I was thinking about doing a short humor niche blog called "John Piper, the Hip Hop Calvinist," where I find pictures of John Piper and make him talk like a rapper. I have a feeling only a handful of people will get the joke, though.

P said...

ARE you Justin Bieber???

For the record, it doesn't matter how often or little you stop by and post - we'll still be reading. :)

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Well, Wisconsin isn't far from Chicago and I hear you used to have quite the following in the Windy City! =)

TMC said...

You're the pregnant cheerleader on Glee, aren't you?! You're my least favourite character. So hey, you've always got that. :)

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

You could try feeding Justin Bieber to an Aardvark and then whacking it with spatula.

Make sure you film it though.

And then post it.

Boom. Job done.

verybadcat said...

i find you more than remotely endearing. just sayin.

Mega said...

I am 100% you visiting Chicago. Bring the man too. I need to meet this guy. I can show him all the good brew spots.

sonrie said...

maybe just post 10 a day of your favorite 'must have' items, and then sooner or later, you will be recognized by a major motion picture and you will never have to work again in your life.